i7win7
Well-known member
Equipment
BX2370, B2650 grapple, tree puller, trailer mover, 3 point hoist, mower, tiller
Daily Chuckle
- Thread starter skeets
- Start date
i7win7
Well-known member
Equipment
BX2370, B2650 grapple, tree puller, trailer mover, 3 point hoist, mower, tiller
i7win7
Well-known member
Equipment
BX2370, B2650 grapple, tree puller, trailer mover, 3 point hoist, mower, tiller
THE ITALIAN WEDDING TEST
I was a very happy man.
My wonderful Italian girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.
There was only one little thing bothering me....It was her beautiful younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight mini skirts, and generally was bra-less.
She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view.
It had to be deliberate.
Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations.
She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome.
She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.
She said:
I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.
I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door.
I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.
Lo... And behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law put down his shotgun and hugged me and said:
We are very happy that you have passed our little test.
We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter.
Welcome to the family.
And the moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car !
I was a very happy man.
My wonderful Italian girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.
There was only one little thing bothering me....It was her beautiful younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight mini skirts, and generally was bra-less.
She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view.
It had to be deliberate.
Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations.
She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome.
She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.
She said:
I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.
I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door.
I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.
Lo... And behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law put down his shotgun and hugged me and said:
We are very happy that you have passed our little test.
We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter.
Welcome to the family.
And the moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car !
Magicman
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
Two old guys are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide.
The first old guy says to the second guy,'Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife,
and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going.'
The second old guy says, 'That's OK, it's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too.
I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate.'
The first old guy says, 'Well, maybe I can help you find her. What does she look like?'
' The second old guy says, 'Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes,
long legs, and is wearing short shorts.
What does your wife look like?'
To which the first old guy says, 'Doesn't matter, let's look for yours.'
The first old guy says to the second guy,'Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife,
and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going.'
The second old guy says, 'That's OK, it's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too.
I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate.'
The first old guy says, 'Well, maybe I can help you find her. What does she look like?'
' The second old guy says, 'Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes,
long legs, and is wearing short shorts.
What does your wife look like?'
To which the first old guy says, 'Doesn't matter, let's look for yours.'
i7win7
Well-known member
Equipment
BX2370, B2650 grapple, tree puller, trailer mover, 3 point hoist, mower, tiller
Daren Todd
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Massey Ferguson 1825E, Kubota Z121S, Box blade, Rotary Cutter
Daren Todd
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Massey Ferguson 1825E, Kubota Z121S, Box blade, Rotary Cutter
Magicman
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
Shortly after a British Airways Flight reached its designated cruising altitude, the captain announced:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain, Welcome to Flight 293 non-stop from London Heathrow to Pearson Airport in Toronto. The weather ahead is good, so we should have an uneventful and smooth flight, so sit back, relax and...OH MY GOD" then he screamed and the PA System went silent.
Silence nothing but complete silence ...then after a few moments there was an audible "click" as the Captain came back on the intercom.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm very sorry if I scared you. While I was talking to you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"
From the back of the aircraft, a little Irish fellow said, "you should see the back of mine!!"
"Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain, Welcome to Flight 293 non-stop from London Heathrow to Pearson Airport in Toronto. The weather ahead is good, so we should have an uneventful and smooth flight, so sit back, relax and...OH MY GOD" then he screamed and the PA System went silent.
Silence nothing but complete silence ...then after a few moments there was an audible "click" as the Captain came back on the intercom.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm very sorry if I scared you. While I was talking to you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"
From the back of the aircraft, a little Irish fellow said, "you should see the back of mine!!"
Bmyers
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Grand L3560 with LA805 loader, EA 55" Wicked Grapple, SBX72 BB, LP 1272 mower
Bmyers
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Grand L3560 with LA805 loader, EA 55" Wicked Grapple, SBX72 BB, LP 1272 mower
Bmyers
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Grand L3560 with LA805 loader, EA 55" Wicked Grapple, SBX72 BB, LP 1272 mower
Bmyers
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Grand L3560 with LA805 loader, EA 55" Wicked Grapple, SBX72 BB, LP 1272 mower
i7win7
Well-known member
Equipment
BX2370, B2650 grapple, tree puller, trailer mover, 3 point hoist, mower, tiller
Magicman
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
dirtydeed
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
B2650 BH77, U27-4R2, BX23TLBM, box blade, rear blade, flail mower, Stump Grinder
along those same lines...
Here was the signage at the whitehall (PA) shopping center years ago...
after about 6 months, the signage was re-ordered to this (as on the reverse side):
I still get a laugh just thinking about those days of seeing the original order....what were they thinking?
Magicman
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft.. .
Today, it's called golf.
Today, it's called golf.
Magicman
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.
'Is it true,' she wanted to know, 'that the medication you prescribed has to be taken
for the rest of my life? '
'Yes, I'm afraid so,' the doctor told her .
There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, 'I'm wondering, then,
just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'.'
'Is it true,' she wanted to know, 'that the medication you prescribed has to be taken
for the rest of my life? '
'Yes, I'm afraid so,' the doctor told her .
There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, 'I'm wondering, then,
just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'.'