i7win7
Well-known member
Equipment
BX2370, B2650 grapple, tree puller, trailer mover, 3 point hoist, mower, tiller
Daily Chuckle
- Thread starter skeets
- Start date
Magicman
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, 'This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.'
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other,
then calls the boy over and asks, 'Which do you want, son?'
The boy takes the quarters and leaves the dollar.
'What did I tell you?' said the barber.. 'That kid never learns!'
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store & says ; 'Hey, son! May I ask you a question?
Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?'
The boy licked his cone and replied,
'Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over!
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other,
then calls the boy over and asks, 'Which do you want, son?'
The boy takes the quarters and leaves the dollar.
'What did I tell you?' said the barber.. 'That kid never learns!'
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store & says ; 'Hey, son! May I ask you a question?
Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?'
The boy licked his cone and replied,
'Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over!
i7win7
Well-known member
Equipment
BX2370, B2650 grapple, tree puller, trailer mover, 3 point hoist, mower, tiller
This one is a little old, but still funny to me. Especially in these days of cancel culture.
23 things that would be different if MicroSoft Headquarters were in southern Tennessee.
1. There #1 Product would be MicroSoft Winders.
2. Instead of an hourglass icon, you would get an empty beer bottle.
3. Occasionally you'd bring up a window that was covered with a Hefty bag.
4. Dialog boxes would give you the choices of "Aah-ight" or "Naw"
5. Instead of "Tada.wav", the opening sound would be dueling banjos.
6. The Recycle Bin in Winders '95 would be an outhouse
7. Whenever you pulled up the Sound Player, you'd hear a digitized drunk redneck yelling "Freebird!"
8. Instead of "Start Me Up", the Winders '95 theme song would be Achy-Breaky-Heart
9. PowerPoint would be named "ParPawnt"
10. Microsoft's programming tools would be "Vishul Basic" and "Vishul C ++"
11. Winders '95 Logo would incorporate a Confederate Flag
12. Microsoft Word would be just that: one word
13. Instead of WWW servers, Microsoft would have BEER servers
14. The shutdown wav would be "Yall come back now, ya hear?"
15. Instead of VP, Microsoft big shots would be called "Cuz"
16. Hardware could be repaired using parts from an old Trans Am.
17. Microsoft Office would be replaced with Micr'sawft Henhouse
18. Four words: "Daisy Duke Screen Saver"
19. Well, the first thing you know, ol' Bill's a billionaire
20. Spreadsheet software would include examples to inventory dead cars in your front yard.
21. Flight simulator would be replaced by Tractor Pull Simulator
22. Micr' sawft CEO: Bubba Gates
23. Winders '95 would only run on 'puters.
23 things that would be different if MicroSoft Headquarters were in southern Tennessee.
1. There #1 Product would be MicroSoft Winders.
2. Instead of an hourglass icon, you would get an empty beer bottle.
3. Occasionally you'd bring up a window that was covered with a Hefty bag.
4. Dialog boxes would give you the choices of "Aah-ight" or "Naw"
5. Instead of "Tada.wav", the opening sound would be dueling banjos.
6. The Recycle Bin in Winders '95 would be an outhouse
7. Whenever you pulled up the Sound Player, you'd hear a digitized drunk redneck yelling "Freebird!"
8. Instead of "Start Me Up", the Winders '95 theme song would be Achy-Breaky-Heart
9. PowerPoint would be named "ParPawnt"
10. Microsoft's programming tools would be "Vishul Basic" and "Vishul C ++"
11. Winders '95 Logo would incorporate a Confederate Flag
12. Microsoft Word would be just that: one word
13. Instead of WWW servers, Microsoft would have BEER servers
14. The shutdown wav would be "Yall come back now, ya hear?"
15. Instead of VP, Microsoft big shots would be called "Cuz"
16. Hardware could be repaired using parts from an old Trans Am.
17. Microsoft Office would be replaced with Micr'sawft Henhouse
18. Four words: "Daisy Duke Screen Saver"
19. Well, the first thing you know, ol' Bill's a billionaire
20. Spreadsheet software would include examples to inventory dead cars in your front yard.
21. Flight simulator would be replaced by Tractor Pull Simulator
22. Micr' sawft CEO: Bubba Gates
23. Winders '95 would only run on 'puters.
Daren Todd
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Massey Ferguson 1825E, Kubota Z121S, Box blade, Rotary Cutter
Daren Todd
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Massey Ferguson 1825E, Kubota Z121S, Box blade, Rotary Cutter
Daren Todd
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Massey Ferguson 1825E, Kubota Z121S, Box blade, Rotary Cutter
xrocketengineer
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
BX1880, FEL, Grapple, 36 in. Forks, 48in. MMM, Quick Spade, Ripper
i7win7
Well-known member
Equipment
BX2370, B2650 grapple, tree puller, trailer mover, 3 point hoist, mower, tiller
i7win7
Well-known member
Equipment
BX2370, B2650 grapple, tree puller, trailer mover, 3 point hoist, mower, tiller
Daren Todd
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Massey Ferguson 1825E, Kubota Z121S, Box blade, Rotary Cutter
Magicman
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
Having already downed a few power drinks, she turned around to face him,
looked him straight in the eye and said,
"Listen up, Good Lookin' . . . I screw anybody . . . any time, any where.
Your place, my place . . . in the car, front door, back door, on the ground
. . . standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes on, . . . dirty,
clean . . . It doesn't matter to me. I've been doing it ever since I got
out of college, and I just LOVE it!"
Eyes now wide with interest, he responded . . .
"No kidding. I'm a lawyer too. What firm are you with?"
looked him straight in the eye and said,
"Listen up, Good Lookin' . . . I screw anybody . . . any time, any where.
Your place, my place . . . in the car, front door, back door, on the ground
. . . standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes on, . . . dirty,
clean . . . It doesn't matter to me. I've been doing it ever since I got
out of college, and I just LOVE it!"
Eyes now wide with interest, he responded . . .
"No kidding. I'm a lawyer too. What firm are you with?"
Magicman
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
A pilot has engine trouble and lands in a field. As he walks around the plane to check out the problem, he hears a voice behind him say, "You have a clogged fuel line." Looking around, he sees no one, except a cow. Startled out of his wits, he runs across the field to the farmer's house and pounds on the door. When the farmer appears at the door, the out-of-breath pilot stammers that his cow has just talked--and even tried to explain what was wrong with the airplane.
The farmer drawled, "Was it a brown cow?" "Yes." "Did it have a white patch on its forehead?" "Yes, yes, that's the one." "OK, that's Flossie. Don't pay no attention to her. She doesn't know anything about airplanes."
The farmer drawled, "Was it a brown cow?" "Yes." "Did it have a white patch on its forehead?" "Yes, yes, that's the one." "OK, that's Flossie. Don't pay no attention to her. She doesn't know anything about airplanes."
i7win7
Well-known member
Equipment
BX2370, B2650 grapple, tree puller, trailer mover, 3 point hoist, mower, tiller
Magicman
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
When I got to work this morning, my boss stormed up to me and said, “You missed work yesterday, didn’t you?” I said, “No, not particularly.”
i7win7
Well-known member
Equipment
BX2370, B2650 grapple, tree puller, trailer mover, 3 point hoist, mower, tiller