But it's a brand new battery and it won't start! Do I have to take it back and get another one?
Daily Chuckle
- Thread starter skeets
- Start date
Magicman
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
At the end of a long shift a nurse walked into the bank, picked up a deposit slip, pulled a rectal thermometer out of her purse and started to write. When she realized what she was doing she looked at the astonished teller and without missing a beat said "Well isn't that just great. Some butt hole got my pen".
i7win7
Well-known member
Equipment
BX2370, B2650 grapple, tree puller, trailer mover, 3 point hoist, mower, tiller
Daren Todd
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Massey Ferguson 1825E, Kubota Z121S, Box blade, Rotary Cutter
Magicman
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
Years ago the truck I had was equipped with an external speaker for a CB radio that also worked as a loudspeaker. I had backed into a space and was about to get out of the truck when I saw an acquaintance walking out with a length of lumber on his shoulder. Keyed the mic and said "Ron XXXX, call on the courtesy phone. Ron XXXX, call on the courtesy phone". He propped the board on his van and went back inside. I followed shortly afterward and found him telling the counter guy he had been paged, and the counter guy telling him they had no courtesy phone.
Not sure he saw as much humor in it as I did
i7win7
Well-known member
Equipment
BX2370, B2650 grapple, tree puller, trailer mover, 3 point hoist, mower, tiller
Magicman
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said,
"Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."
"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."
Bartender: "What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
Pirate: "Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now."
Bartender: "Well, OK, but what about the hook? What happened to your hand?"
Pirate: "We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really."
Bartender: "What about the eye patch?"
Pirate: "Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them crapped in my eye."
"You're kidding," said the bartender, "you lost an eye just from bird crap!"
Pirate: "It was my first day with the hook!"
"Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."
"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."
Bartender: "What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
Pirate: "Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now."
Bartender: "Well, OK, but what about the hook? What happened to your hand?"
Pirate: "We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really."
Bartender: "What about the eye patch?"
Pirate: "Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them crapped in my eye."
"You're kidding," said the bartender, "you lost an eye just from bird crap!"
Pirate: "It was my first day with the hook!"
i7win7
Well-known member
Equipment
BX2370, B2650 grapple, tree puller, trailer mover, 3 point hoist, mower, tiller
i7win7
Well-known member
Equipment
BX2370, B2650 grapple, tree puller, trailer mover, 3 point hoist, mower, tiller
Magicman
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
An old man walks in the jewelry store on a Friday afternoon with this beautiful young girl hanging on his arm. He tells the clerk, "I want something special for my new girlfriend here".
The clerk show him some rings for $5,000.00, the old man says, "No, something really special".
The clerk pulls out ring for $40,000.00, the girl starts quivering, the old man sees this and says, "I will take it".
The clerk wants to know how the old man will pay.
The old man says, " Check, and I know you will have to call the bank and clear the check. You call Monday morning and I will come in Monday afternoon and pick the ring up."
Monday morning the clerk calls the old man and says, "There is no money in that bank account."
The old man says, "I know, but let me tell you about my weekend."
The clerk show him some rings for $5,000.00, the old man says, "No, something really special".
The clerk pulls out ring for $40,000.00, the girl starts quivering, the old man sees this and says, "I will take it".
The clerk wants to know how the old man will pay.
The old man says, " Check, and I know you will have to call the bank and clear the check. You call Monday morning and I will come in Monday afternoon and pick the ring up."
Monday morning the clerk calls the old man and says, "There is no money in that bank account."
The old man says, "I know, but let me tell you about my weekend."
Daren Todd
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Massey Ferguson 1825E, Kubota Z121S, Box blade, Rotary Cutter
Magicman
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
A guy sees a friend of his who is around 80 years old sitting on a bench crying and asks what is wrong. The old man says you know my wife died years ago and I recently married this beautiful young blonde and we are getting along great, just plumb lovey dovey in our big new house. The guy says so why are you crying? The old man says I can't remember where I live.
i7win7
Well-known member
Equipment
BX2370, B2650 grapple, tree puller, trailer mover, 3 point hoist, mower, tiller
Magicman
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
Yes it will and it ain't a joke. I have a friend that got struck in the head by one of those "widowmakers". Thankfully he survived but with many stitches
i7win7
Well-known member
Equipment
BX2370, B2650 grapple, tree puller, trailer mover, 3 point hoist, mower, tiller
Daren Todd
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Massey Ferguson 1825E, Kubota Z121S, Box blade, Rotary Cutter
That actually happened to a neighbor around the corner from me during a tornado. Lady had an 80ft tall live oak snap off and go through her roof into the living room
Two blond women walk into a pizza place and order a large pizza.
Employee asks them how many slices they want it cut in.
One replies 4 slices please.
Employee says that will be pretty big slices, are you sure you don't want it cut into 8 slices?
No replies one of them, between the two of us we can eat 2 slices each, but there's no way we could eat 4 slices each.
Employee asks them how many slices they want it cut in.
One replies 4 slices please.
Employee says that will be pretty big slices, are you sure you don't want it cut into 8 slices?
No replies one of them, between the two of us we can eat 2 slices each, but there's no way we could eat 4 slices each.
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her.
One of the bags was ripped and every once in awhile a $20 bill fell out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."
"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me, Officer."
"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop.
"Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"
"Oh, no, no", said the old lady.
"You see, my back yard is right next to a golf course. A lot of golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it?' So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K, buddy! Give me $20 or off it comes!'
"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck!
Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"
"Not everybody pays."
One of the bags was ripped and every once in awhile a $20 bill fell out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."
"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me, Officer."
"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop.
"Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"
"Oh, no, no", said the old lady.
"You see, my back yard is right next to a golf course. A lot of golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it?' So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K, buddy! Give me $20 or off it comes!'
"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck!
Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"
"Not everybody pays."