Daily Chuckle

[Magicman]

A priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other on an airplane.

After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, 'Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?'

The rabbi responded, 'Yes, that is still one of our laws.'

The priest then asked, 'Have you ever eaten pork?'

To which the rabbi replied, 'Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation
And tasted a ham sandwich.'

The priest nodded in understanding and went o n with his reading.

A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest, 'Father, is it still a
Requirement of your church that you remain celibate?'

The priest replied, 'Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith.'

The rabbi then asked him, 'Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?'

The priest replied, 'Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my
Faith.'

The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent, thinking, for about five
Minutes.

Finally, the rabbi said, 'Beats the crap out of a ham sandwich, doesn't it?

 

[D2Cat]

 

[DustyRusty]

 

[Daren Todd]

 

[RCW]

View attachment 57124

Hey - - - they have both regular and diet options!

I don't see a vegan alternative....

 

[i7win7]

 

[i7win7]

The reason field trips have permission slips

 

[Daren Todd]

Hey - - - they have both regular and diet options!

I don't see a vegan alternative....

Wrong aisle for the vegan option

 

[Magicman]

My wife said, "Whatcha doing today?"

I said, "Nothing."

She said, "You did that yesterday."

I said, "I wasn't finished."

 

[DaTow'd]

In Ireland , the 99-year-old Mother Superior lay quietly.
She was dying. The Nuns had gathered around her bed, laying garlands around her and trying to make her last journey comfortable. They wanted to give her warm milk to drink but she declined.

One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen. Then, remembering a bottle of Irish Whiskey that had been received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.

Back at Mother Superior's bed, they lifted her head gently and held the glass to her lips. The very frail nun drank a little, then a little more and before they knew it, she had finished the whole glass down to the last drop As her eyes brightened, the nuns thought it would be a good opportunity to have one last talk with their spiritual leader.

"Mother," the nuns asked earnestly, "Please give us some of your wisdom before you leave us."

She raised herself up very slowly in the bed on one elbow, looked at them and said:



"DON'T SELL THAT COW!"

 

[PHPaul]

View attachment 57141

I could see myself doing that!

I'd last about 30 seconds in a neighborhood with an HOA...

 

[Bmyers]

 

[Bmyers]

 

[BAP]

View attachment 57124

3 man’s dinners and one boy dinner

 

[Magicman]

An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.

As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son. 'Yes, Dad, what is it? '

'Don't be nervous, son; do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife.'

 

[Fordtech86]

 

[D2Cat]

Have you seen the aerial of the trackhoe excavating the bow of the ship? Be like emptying a dump truck of sand with a toothpick.

 

[Magicman]

Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

 

[sheepfarmer]

View attachment 57157

The best one I read was someone asked some 6 year old kids how to solve the problem, and they said ask everyone in Egypt to come and bring a rope, tie the ropes to the ship and pull!

Makes sense to me, after all they got those big blocks of rock to the tops of the pyramids that way. Of course then there is the problem of how to attach the ropes to the ship...

Maybe they could use magnets...

 

[Magicman]

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me!
I want people to know 'why' I look this way.
I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.