Ok so the other morning I hear the kids rustling in the kitchen. They were in the process of getting breakfast together, making lunches, and getting ready for school.
I pour myself out of bed and head that way to make sure everyone is on track to get out the door. With 5 kids it takes a sharp mind. So in order to get my mind sharp in the morning I need my coffee.
I grab the filter and pull the coffee out of the fridge. I scoop the first ladle and before I drop it in I look and see a "Hair" in my coffee grounds! Kinda curly but not pubic thank god. Disgusted I pull it out and toss the coffee in. I got another scoop and low and behold another "Hair" A couple of them actually.
I stood there puzzled for a bit and then noticed that the rustling in the kitchen had come to a complete halt. I turned my head and asked in a very calm voice.. "Why is there HAIR in my coffee grounds?"
Well that broke the silence. It was as if a nuclear bomb went off and the world was coming to an end. The oldest "Shelby the live in" had no trouble throwing "Mitter Mat" the youngest under the bus. "Why don’t you ask Matthew, he's the one that spilled it!?"
Mitter Mat broke into a screaming plead for his life as if I was some sort of judge about to pass down a life sentence. "It wasn’t my fault! I was trying to grab the bread out and the coffee came with it and spilled on the floor!!!"
At this point I'm trying to recover the spinal fluid that just shot out my ears. Shelby keeps the flame alive by saying, " Yeah and he looked at me like I was gonna clean that **** up! He stood there and said "I don’t know how to clean it up?" She told him, "Better learn quick!"
At this point I really didn’t care about the details I just wanted silence. I looked at Mitter Mat and asked. "So you scooped the coffee back into the container?" He said "NO, I vacuumed it up"
I'm standing there in dismay in my boxers wishfully wanting my cup o jo and not being able to pull the trigger just yet. So I inquired further.. "Vaccumed? With which one?" He replied, "The hand vac.." Mind you, this is the same hand vacuum that is used to vacuum up the bird cage and kitty litter from the cat box!
At this point I was trying to put myself in his shoes. "Why didn’t you just throw out what had spilled and left the rest?" "Because you'd get upset if you saw some missing?" I pondered the logic thinking behind this coming from a 9yr old and was like "Ok, I get it.. So Mat, you figured it would be better for me to drink cat *** and bird dropping instead of missing out?" "Yep" with the most honest face you could imagine. He truly couldn’t see the problem..
After I dumped the majority of the coffee out I started making my coffee and then the girls (Courtney and Shelby) fired up.. "Dad we missed the bus"
I turned slowly and exclaimed...."I got hairy cat coffee and now I gotta take you to school before I can even enjoy a cup!!!!!!!!!?"
Sometimes the Govt doesn’t pay us enough for them.
