Daily Chuckle

[i7win7]

Corvette, when you need a fast getaway

 

[Lil Foot]

Looks like I'm just out of the blast radius.

 

[Magicman]

Pappy asks Little Johnny walking with a lantern and asks, "Where ya going boy?"
the Johnny smiled and replied, "I'm a going courting Peggy Sue."
The Father said, "When I went a courtin', I didn't need me no dang lantern."
"Sure Pa, I know," Johnny said, " and look what you got!"

 

[i7win7]

 

[i7win7]

Someone's got real grilling skills

 

[i7win7]

How men vacation and unwind

 

[Magicman]

A carload of women were traveling along a country road and spotted a blonde lady out in the middle of a plowed field rowing a boat. They stopped and the driver, another blonde, said "That's disgusting and just gives all of us blondes a bad name. I've got a good mind to swim out there a give her a piece of my mind!"

 

[Bmyers]

 

[Magicman]

An old backwoods lady riding on the train for the first time in her life and she had to go to the bathroom so she asked the conductor where the "outhouse" was. The conductor took her to the bathroom. She looked down and saw the rails and cross ties passing below while the train was moving and she told the conductor "I ain't using that thing." He asked her "Why not?". She replied "Because I figure about the time I sit on that thing the guy driving this train will run it over a brier patch!"

 

[Fordtech86]

 

[i7win7]

The penalty for bigamy

Two mothers-in-law

 

[i7win7]

 

[i7win7]

Kids used to hang out at the mall, now you'll find'em at the charging station

 

[jabloomf1230]

View attachment 62876

Probably both a local jurisdiction and DHS tracking an immigrant.

 

[Magicman]

Dear wife:

I'm writing you this letter to tell
you that I'm leaving you forever.
I've been a good man to you for 7
years & I have nothing to show for it.
These last 2 weeks have been
hell. Your boss called to tell me that you
quit your job today & that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home & didn't even
notice I had a new haircut, had
cooked your favorite meal & even
wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.
You ate in 2 minutes, & went
straight to sleep after watching all of
your soaps.
You don't tell me you love me anymore;
you don't want sex or anything
that connects us as husband & wife.
Either you're cheating on me or
you don't love me anymore; whatever!
the case, I'm gone.

Your EX-Husband

P.S. don't try to find me. Your SISTER & I are
moving away to West Virginia together!
I took BOTH Husky saws with me too!! Have a great life!


Dear
Ex-Husband

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It's true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a
good man is a far cry from what you've been.
I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your
constant whining & griping. Too bad that doesn't work.
I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but
the 1st thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!'
Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't
say something nice, I didn't comment.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you
must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because
I stopped eating pork 7 years ago.
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you
because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & ; I prayed
it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50
from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work
it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit
my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home
you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope
you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that
the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me. So
take care.

Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister
Carla was born Carl, the one with the missing tooth among other things.
I hope that's not a problem, but he/she loves Stihl's.

 

[i7win7]

So, how was family BBQ?

 

[i7win7]

Won't say girlfriend is a bad cook, she made banana bread today

 

[i7win7]

Must live in Illinois, Land of Expensive trailer plates

Guessing Southern Illinois

 

[Lil Foot]

 

[sheepfarmer]

Must live in Illinois, Land of Expensive trailer plates
View attachment 62924
Guessing Southern Illinois

That would be a real bugger to parallel park!