Daily Chuckle
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Magicman
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Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
A city slicker became a farmer and bought a sow but no boar. When he wanted pigs he found he needed to take her to the neighbor's boar. He loaded her up in his wheelbarrow and pushed her over and the boar did his thing. The slicker asked the neighbor how to tell if it took and the experienced pork farmer told him "Check in the morning. If she's laying in the mud, she's pregnant. If she's in the sunshine it did not take and you need to bring her back." He got up the next morning and she was laying in the sun so he loaded her in the wheelbarrow and took her back. That went on every day for the next week. Finally he woke up and asked his wife "I don't have the heart to check. Is the sow in the mud on in the sun?" The wife looked and said "Neither, she's in the wheelbarrow."
i7win7
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Equipment
BX2370, B2650 grapple, tree puller, trailer mover, 3 point hoist, mower, tiller
i7win7
Well-known member
Equipment
BX2370, B2650 grapple, tree puller, trailer mover, 3 point hoist, mower, tiller
i7win7
Well-known member
Equipment
BX2370, B2650 grapple, tree puller, trailer mover, 3 point hoist, mower, tiller
i7win7
Well-known member
Equipment
BX2370, B2650 grapple, tree puller, trailer mover, 3 point hoist, mower, tiller
Magicman
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
A gas station in "Redneck Country" was trying to increase its sales, so the owner put up a sign that said "Free Sex with Fill-up."
Soon a "redneck" pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex.
The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10, and, if he guessed correctly, he would get his Free sex.
The buyer then guessed 8 and the proprietor said, "No, but you were close. The number was 7. Sorry, no free sex this time, but maybe next time."
Some time thereafter, the same man, along with his buddy this time, pulled in again for a fill-up, and again he asked for his free sex.
The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. The man guessed 2 this time and the proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time."
As they were driving away, the driver said to his buddy, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex."
Bubba replied, "No it ain't, Billy Ray, it's not rigged - my wife won twice last week!!!"
Soon a "redneck" pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex.
The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10, and, if he guessed correctly, he would get his Free sex.
The buyer then guessed 8 and the proprietor said, "No, but you were close. The number was 7. Sorry, no free sex this time, but maybe next time."
Some time thereafter, the same man, along with his buddy this time, pulled in again for a fill-up, and again he asked for his free sex.
The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. The man guessed 2 this time and the proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time."
As they were driving away, the driver said to his buddy, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex."
Bubba replied, "No it ain't, Billy Ray, it's not rigged - my wife won twice last week!!!"
Magicman
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up...
The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the
86-year-old said ,'Things are great and I've never felt better.'
I now have a 20 yr-old bride who is pregnant with my child.
'So what do you think about that Doc ?'
The doctor considered his question for a minute and
then began to tell a story:
'I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter
and never misses a season.'
One day he was setting off to go hunting. In a bit of a hurry, he
accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun.'
'As he neared a lake, he came across a very large male beaver
sitting at the water's edge.
He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the beaver.
Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if
it were his favorite hunting rifle, and went 'bang, bang'..'
'Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead..
Now, what do you think of that ?' asked the doctor.
The 86-year-old said,
'Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else
pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver.'
The doctor replied, 'My point exactly.'
The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the
86-year-old said ,'Things are great and I've never felt better.'
I now have a 20 yr-old bride who is pregnant with my child.
'So what do you think about that Doc ?'
The doctor considered his question for a minute and
then began to tell a story:
'I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter
and never misses a season.'
One day he was setting off to go hunting. In a bit of a hurry, he
accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun.'
'As he neared a lake, he came across a very large male beaver
sitting at the water's edge.
He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the beaver.
Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if
it were his favorite hunting rifle, and went 'bang, bang'..'
'Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead..
Now, what do you think of that ?' asked the doctor.
The 86-year-old said,
'Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else
pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver.'
The doctor replied, 'My point exactly.'
Daren Todd
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Lifetime Member
Equipment
Massey Ferguson 1825E, Kubota Z121S, Box blade, Rotary Cutter
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together.
The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.”
“I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.”
They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision.”
The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.”
“I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.”
They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision.”
NvRudder
Member
Equipment
L2501DT, LA525, R14's, Bison NVHA210 84" RB, Allied 60" SB, Diamond C 10k Dump
After all the hogwash on the Kioti vs Kubota thread...had to dig up an oldie but goodie:
Four workers were discussing how smart their dogs were. The first was an engineer, who said his dog could do math with calculations. His dog was named T Square. He told the dog to get some paper and draw a square, circle and a triangle, which the dog did with no sweat.
The accountant said he thought his dog was better. His dog was named Slide Rule. He told the dog to fetch a dozen cookies, bring them back and divide into piles of three, which the dog did with no problem.
The chemist said that his dog was even better. His dog, Measure, was told to get a quart of milk and pour seven ounces into a ten ounce glass, which the dog did with no problem. All three men agreed this was very good and their dogs were equally smart.
They all turned to the union member and said "What can your dog do?" The Teamster member called his dog, whose name was Coffee Break and said "show the fellows what you can do."
Coffee Break went over and ate all the cookies, drank the milk, shit on the paper, screwed the other three dogs and claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance for unsafe working conditions, applied for Workman's Comp and left for home on sick leave.
Four workers were discussing how smart their dogs were. The first was an engineer, who said his dog could do math with calculations. His dog was named T Square. He told the dog to get some paper and draw a square, circle and a triangle, which the dog did with no sweat.
The accountant said he thought his dog was better. His dog was named Slide Rule. He told the dog to fetch a dozen cookies, bring them back and divide into piles of three, which the dog did with no problem.
The chemist said that his dog was even better. His dog, Measure, was told to get a quart of milk and pour seven ounces into a ten ounce glass, which the dog did with no problem. All three men agreed this was very good and their dogs were equally smart.
They all turned to the union member and said "What can your dog do?" The Teamster member called his dog, whose name was Coffee Break and said "show the fellows what you can do."
Coffee Break went over and ate all the cookies, drank the milk, shit on the paper, screwed the other three dogs and claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance for unsafe working conditions, applied for Workman's Comp and left for home on sick leave.
i7win7
Well-known member
Equipment
BX2370, B2650 grapple, tree puller, trailer mover, 3 point hoist, mower, tiller
i7win7
Well-known member
Equipment
BX2370, B2650 grapple, tree puller, trailer mover, 3 point hoist, mower, tiller
i7win7
Well-known member
Equipment
BX2370, B2650 grapple, tree puller, trailer mover, 3 point hoist, mower, tiller
Magicman
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
xrocketengineer
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Lifetime Member
Equipment
BX1880, FEL, Grapple, 36 in. Forks, 48in. MMM, Quick Spade, Ripper
i7win7
Well-known member
Equipment
BX2370, B2650 grapple, tree puller, trailer mover, 3 point hoist, mower, tiller
i7win7
Well-known member
Equipment
BX2370, B2650 grapple, tree puller, trailer mover, 3 point hoist, mower, tiller
i7win7
Well-known member
Equipment
BX2370, B2650 grapple, tree puller, trailer mover, 3 point hoist, mower, tiller
