Daily Chuckle

[xrocketengineer]

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was
having trouble with one of her students.
The teacher asked, 'Harry,
what's your problem?'

Harry answered, 'I'm
too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd
grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should
be in the 3rd grade too!'


Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry
to the principal's office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the
teacher explained to the principal what the
situation was.


The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give
the boy a test.


If he failed to answer any of his questions
he was to go back to the 1st grade and
behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were
explained to him and he agreed to take the
test.

Principal:
'What Is 3 x 3?'

Harry:
'9.'

Principal:
'What is6 x 6?'

Harry:
'36.'

And so it went with every question the
principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells
her,
'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade.'


Ms. Brooks says to the
principal,
'Let me ask him some questions.'


The principal and Harry both
agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, 'What
does a cow have four of that I have only two of?'


Harry, after a moment: 'Legs.'

Ms Brooks: 'What
is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'


The principal wondered why would she ask
such a question!

Harry replied: 'Pockets.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What
does a dog do that a man steps into?'

Harry: 'Pants.'

Ms. Brooks: What
starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval,
delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?'


Harry:'Coconut.'

The principal sat forward with his mouth
hanging open.

Ms. Brooks:'What
goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and
sticky?'

The principal's eyes opened really wide and
before he could stop the answer, Harry
replied, 'Bubble
gum.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What
does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down
and a dog does on three legs?'

Harry: 'Shake
hands.'

The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: 'What
word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a
lot of heat and excitement?'

Harry: 'Firetruck.'

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and
told the
Teacher,'Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I
got the last seven questions
wrong.....'

 

[xrocketengineer]

Who said men were unromantic.....

My friend's wife being the romantic sort, just sent him a text.

It read:-
If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send
me your smile.

If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip.

If you are crying, send me your tears.

Love you x.



He replied........Am having a crap. What should I do ?

 

[xrocketengineer]

Advice; very British humo(u)r ....

Really need some advice for a serious problem! I suspected for some time now that the missus has been cheating. The usual signs; phone rings, if I answer the caller hangs up, going out with the girls a lot.. I try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home but I usually fall asleep. Anyway last night about midnight I hid in the shed behind the motorbike. When she came home she got out of some blokes car and was buttoning her blouse up. Next she took her panties out of her pocket and slipped them on. It was at that moment crouched behind the motorbike I noticed it... A hairline crack in the engine mounting bracket.. Is that something I can weld or do I need to replace it ?




I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a few hundred yards down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help.

When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was parading in front of the wardrobe mirror dressed in my underwear and high-heel *****, and he was wearing my make up.

I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he had dressed in my lingerie because he couldn't find his own underwear. But when I asked him about the make up, he broke down and admitted that he'd been wearing my clothes for six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him.

He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless.. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant.
I don't feel I can get through to him anymore. Can you please help?

Sincerely,

Mrs. Sheila Lusk


= = = =


Dear Sheila:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburettor float chamber. I hope this helps.

 

[Outnumbered]

Hah, I was thinking about some of the goofy stuff on the ole Red Green show the other day. Thanks for sharing!

 

[dlsmith]

Amish camper

Amish motor home.

 

[Magicman]

The residents of a southern town keep falling down a deep hole in the middle of the sidewalk on Main Street and always end up dying because the nearest hospital is 40 miles away. The mayor calls a town meeting to address the issue and asks for suggestions.

“We need our own hospital!” says one local.

“That’s beyond our budget,” answers the mayor. “Anyone else?”

“I gots a perfect idea,” says another redneck. “Just dig the hole next to the hospital.”

 

[Fordtech86]

 

[Magicman]

 

[xrocketengineer]

View attachment 61630

That is exactly the reason for buying a tractor. With a loader and 4x4.

 

[i7win7]

 

[i7win7]

 

[xrocketengineer]

View attachment 61664

He is planning his revenge....

 

[BigG]

View attachment 61664

He was thinking:

 

[Bmyers]

 

[Magicman]

A redneck wanted to learn how to skydive, so he got an instructor and started taking lessons. The instructor told the redneck to jump out of the plane and pull his ripcord. The instructor then explained that he himself would jump out right behind him so that they would go down together. The redneck understood and was ready.

The time came for the redneck to jump out of the airplane. The instructor reminded the redneck that he would be right behind him. The redneck proceeded to jump from the plane, and after being in the air for a few seconds he pulled the ripcord. The instructor followed by jumping from the plane. The instructor pulled his ripcord, but the parachute did not open. The instructor, frantically trying to get his parachute open, darted past the redneck.

The redneck, seeing this, yelled as he undid the straps to his parachute, "So you wanna race, eh?"

 

[Fordtech86]

 

[i7win7]

 

[i7win7]

17 year seasonal hairdo

 

[Fordtech86]

 

[Fordtech86]

How turbos really work.