Daily Chuckle

[Orangeglow]

A retired man went into the Job Center in downtown Vancouver, British
Columbia and saw a card advertising for a Gynecologist’s Assistant.
Interested, he went in and asked the clerk for details. The clerk
pulled up the file and read, “The job entails getting the ladies ready
for the gynecologist.

You have to help the women out of their underwear, lay them down and
carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and
gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so they’re ready
for the gynecologist’s examination.

The annual salary is $85,000, and you’ll have to go to Moose Jaw,
Saskatchewan.”

“Good grief, is that where the job is?”

“No sir, that’s where the end of the line is right now.”

 

[i7win7]

Looks like Biden will let anyone in

 

[i7win7]

 

[i7win7]

 

[Magicman]

One evening as they are sitting around a man asks his wife, "Am I the only one you have been with?"
Wife answers, "Why yes, all the others were nines and tens."

 

[i7win7]

 

[i7win7]

Coke addict, gonna be bad when the sugar rush kicks in

 

[Magicman]

The testicles of a Wyoming midget hurt and ached almost all the time.
The midget went to the doctor and told him about his problem.
The doctor told him to stand up on the examining table and drop his pants and he would have a look.
The doctor put one finger under his left testicle and told the midget to turn his head and cough, the usual method to check for a hernia.
"Hmm..." mumbled the doctor, and as he put his finger under the right testicle, he asked the midget to cough again.

"Aha!" said the doctor, and reached for his surgical scissors...

Snip-snip-snip-snip on the right side... then snip-snip-snip-snip on the left side.
The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt.

The doctor then told the midget to walk around the examining room to see if his testicles still hurt. The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around and discovered his testicles were no longer aching.

The doctor said, "How does that feel now?"

The midget replied, "Perfect Doc, and I didn't even feel it. What did you do?"

The doctor replied "I cut two inches off the top of your cowboy boots."

 

[i7win7]

Band-Aids half off sale

 

[Magicman]

Guess that would work if your finger was only half cut off.

 

[Marcu5]

A niche joke in that its British and you have to have owned an old land rover. All the same, it's 4x4's rather than tractors and I'm sure you will all understand the sentiment.

On hearing that the Japanese technicians used a live cat to test the water and air tightness of the cabins of the Toyota Landcruiser the Landrover technicians in Solihull, West Midlands uk decided to do a similar test. *Cat owners stop reading now*
Whilst the duration of the Japanese test was overnight the technicians at Landrover, late on a Friday shift snuck a cat into the factory and left it locked inside their latest luxury off-road vehicle. The theory being that if the cabin was nearly as water- and air tight, as their main rival the cat would be found dead on the Monday shift.
The technicians involved all turned up early on the Monday in anticipation of results and with mixed feelings they unlocked the doors of vehicle but the bl**dy cat had escaped!

 

[i7win7]

Looks like the forklift has decent brakes

 

[i7win7]

Law enforce officer having a bad day

 

[i7win7]

 

[i7win7]

Lumber got so expensive, they're selling fake stacks

 

[GeraldVG]

Re: Daily Chuckel

This guy is driving down the highway in his corvette and sees a hitchhiker with a big dog. So he stops and tells the the guy he would give him a ride, but there's not room for the dog. The hitchhiker says "I can tie his leash on the back bumper." The corvette driver says "that dog can't keep up." The hitchhiker says "oh yeah, he's pretty fast." So he ties the dog on the back bumper and they get in and take off. The driver gets up up to 20 mph, looks in the mirror and the dog is trotting along behind. He kicks it up to 50, looks in the mirror and the dog is just loping along . So he kicks it up to 80, looks in the mirror and the dog is running all out. He thinks Damn, I gotta take another look at this dog. So he slams on the brakes and they get out and walk to the back of the vette. The dog is just standing there. The driver says "that's the fastest dog I've ever seen. But what's that red ring around his neck?" The hitchhiker says "that's his a$$hole, he's not used to stopping that fast."

That one got me pretty good.

 

[i7win7]

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:
PRESIDENT CLINTON OF THE USA:
When you rearrange the letters
(With no letters left over and using each letter only once):
TO COPULATE HE FINDS INTERNS

Yep! Someone with waaaaaaaaaaay too much time on their hands!

 

[Magicman]

A guy bought a new fridge for his house.
To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a
sign on it saying: 'Free to good home. You want it, you take it.'
For three days the fridge sat there without anyone looking twice.
He eventually decided that people were too mistrustful of this deal.
So he changed the sign to read: "Fridge for sale $50."

The next day someone stole it!

They walk amongst us!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

*One day I was walking down the beach with
some friends when someone shouted....
"Look at that dead bird!"
Someone looked up at the sky and said..."where?"

They walk among us!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
While looking at a house, my brother asked the
estate agent which direction was north because
he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning.
She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?"
My brother explained that the sun rises in the east
and has for sometime. She shook her head and said,
"Oh, I don't keep up with all that stuff...."

They Walk Among Us!
-----------------------------------------------------------------

My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria,
when we overheard an Admin girl talking about the
sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the beach
She drove down in a convertible, but said
she "didn't think I'd get sunburned
because the car was moving."

They Walk Among Us!

 

[skeets]

A niche joke in that its British and you have to have owned an old land rover. All the same, it's a 4x4's rather than tractors and I'm sure you will all understand the sentiment.

On hearing that the Japanese technicians used a live cat to test the water and air tightness of the cabins of the Toyota Landcruiser the Landrover technicians in Solihull, West Midlands uk decided to do a similar test. *Cat owners stop reading now*
Whilst the duration of the Japanese test overnight the technicians at Landrover, late on a Friday shift snuck a cat into the factory and left it locked inside their latest luxury off-road vehicle. The theory being that if the cabin was nearly as water- and air tight, as their main rival the cat would be found dead on the Monday shift.
The technicians involved all turned up early on the Monday in anticipation of results and with mixed feelings they unlocked the doors of vehicle but the bl**dy cat had escaped!

I have never under stood the British sense of humor, not saying they are not funny. And being a dumb old country boy could you explain the joke. I read it 4 times and the premise is lost on me.

 

[Marcu5]

I have never under stood the British sense of humor, not saying they are not funny. And being a dumb old country boy could you explain the joke. I read it 4 times and the premise is lost on me.

Basically the cat managed to escape through one of the many gaps or holes in the vehicle. Landrovers are rugged and good off road but they are draughty and not at all warm and comfy unlike a lot of their Japanese rivals.