Daily Chuckle

[Toyboy]

 

[mikester]

View attachment 81848

 

[Fordtech86]

 

[Bmyers]

 

[DaTow'd]

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.

As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been?

Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on.

Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.

While he was in the bath, the phone rang.

The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all.

Wright would not be hanged tonight.

Finally realising what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs and give him the good news.

As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.

'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.

He whirled around and screamed,


'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?!'

 

[Magicman]

 

[Magicman]

BREAKING NEWS:

President O'Biden has just confirmed that the DC earthquake occurred on a rare and obscure fault-line, apparently known as "Thump's Fault".

Geologists however have determined that it was caused by the founding fathers rolling over in their graves.

 

[Magicman]

The blonde was talking to her best friend on the phone, telling her that her mother had just died. "Oh that's horrible, I'm so sorry", said her friend.

"It gets worse", she sobbed. "My twin sister called and said that her mother died too!"

 

[RCW]

The blonde was talking to her best friend on the phone, telling her that her mother had just died. "Oh that's horrible, I'm so sorry", said her friend.

"It gets worse", she sobbed. "My twin sister called and said that her mother died too!"

I have blonde identical twin girls.....

Valedictorian and salutatorian of their high school class. State Champion sprinters, free ride to college. NCAA Athletic and Academic All-Americans..

Still made me laugh, and I copied that to them. They got kick out of it too!!

Thanks - we really did get kick out of it.

I'll probably not share with the Mrs./Mom......

 

[xrocketengineer]

 

[xrocketengineer]

 

[xrocketengineer]

 

[xrocketengineer]

 

[xrocketengineer]

 

[D2Cat]

Subject: Ya gotta wonder

My husband and I went through the McDonald's driveway window and I gave the cashier a $5 bill.

Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her 25c.

She said, 'you gave me too much money.'

I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar back.'

She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request.

I did so, and he handed me back the 25c, and said 'We're sorry but we don’t do that kind of thing.'

The cashier then proceeded to give me back 75 cents in change.

Do not confuse the people at MacD's.

We had to have the garage door repaired.

The repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.

I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.

He shook his head and said, 'You need a 1/4 horsepower.'

I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, 'NOOO, it's not. Four is larger than two.'

We haven't used that repairman since...

I live in a semi rural area.

We recently had a new neighbor call the local city council office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road.

The reason: 'Too many deers are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'

IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE.

My daughter went to a Mexican fast food and ordered a taco.

She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'

He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,

'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'

To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'

He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'

The pedestrian light on the corner beeps when it's safe to cross the street.

I was crossing with an 'intellectually challenged' co-worker of mine.

She asked if I knew what the beeper was for.

I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.

Appalled, she responded, 'what on earth are blind people doing driving?!'

She is a government employee.....

When my wife and I arrived at a car dealership to pick up our car after a

service, we were told the keys had been locked in it.

We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door.

As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.

‘Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!'

His reply, 'I know. I already did that side.'

STAY ALERT!

They walk among us, they breed, and they vote…....

 

[Tughill Tom]

Joe Biden had a meeting with his cabinet today…he also spoke to the bookcase and argued with the chair.

 

[Fordtech86]

 

[xrocketengineer]

Yesterday, when I went to Walgreens to get a prescription and I was waiting, there was an older man in his seventies or more in front of me. He was dressed in the typical "beach outfit" shorts, small T-shirt and sneakers. As he was getting ready to pay on the credit card scanner and leaned forward, his T-shirt pulled up in the back and I noticed above the waist of his shorts, a string going across. Then I noticed another string going down in the center. He was wearing a freaking thong! I have been scarred for life! What has been seen can not be unseen!

Cant Unsee How To Unsee GIF - Cant Unsee How To Unsee Blind - Discover & Share GIFs

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tenor.com

 

[Daren Todd]

 

[Daren Todd]