Daily Chuckle

Magicman

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M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
Oct 8, 2019
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Brookhaven, MS
knotholesawmill.com
I don't recall there ever being a baby formula shortage till men started getting pregnant. :rolleyes:
 
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BXHoosier

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BX24
Jan 21, 2018
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Indiana
I stared out a window and had a couple cold ones today. Didn’t get paid for it though. Helped my brother plant soybeans.
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Magicman

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Lifetime Member

Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
Oct 8, 2019
5,515
7,585
113
81
Brookhaven, MS
knotholesawmill.com
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.
Upon leaving to buy the bull, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there, I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."
The brunette arrives at the man's ranch with $600, inspects the bull, decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he wants to sell it for $599, no less." After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch and I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."
The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds that it will cost 99 cents a word. Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, "I want you to send her the word "comfortable". The operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word "comfortable?"
The brunette explains, "My sister is blonde. The word is big. She'll read it very slowly... "com-for-da-bul."
 
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Magicman

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Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
Oct 8, 2019
5,515
7,585
113
81
Brookhaven, MS
knotholesawmill.com
There was once a handyman who had a dog named Mace. Mace was a great dog except he had one weird habit: he liked to eat grass-not just a little bit, but in quantities that would make a lawnmower blush. And nothing, it seemed, could cure him of it. One day, the handyman lost his wrench in the tall grass while he was working outside. He looked and looked, but it was nowhere to be found. As it was getting dark, he gave up for the night and decided to look the next morning. When he awoke, he went outside and saw that his dog had eaten all the grass in the area, around where he had been working, and his wrench now lay in plain sight, glinting in the sun. Going out to get his wrench, he call the dog over to him and said, " A grazing Mace, how sweet the hound, that saved a wrench for me. It once was lost and now it's found. Oh what a good dog you be".
 
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Magicman

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Lifetime Member

Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
Oct 8, 2019
5,515
7,585
113
81
Brookhaven, MS
knotholesawmill.com
Bill was the strongest man in town. He went from working as a part time bouncer to bartender at the local bar. He used to amaze people by grabbing a lemon in one hand and squeezing it completely dry. Finally he set up a contest with a $1,000 reward for anyone who could squeeze even one drop of juice out of a lemon after he had squeezed it. Many paid the entrance fee but none succeeded including weight lifters, longshoremen, wrestlers, etc. One night Tom, a wormy looking little guy wearing a polyester suit, stopped in for a beer and saw the sign behind the bar and said he would take up the challenge. Everyone in the bar broke out laughing as Tom paid his fee. Bill grabbed a fresh lemon and held it high as he squeezed all the juice out for everyone to see. When done he handed the mangled dry pulp to Tom who examined it carefully from all angles then he placed it carefully in his hand and squeezed. All the patrons were amazed as not one or two but six drops of juice flowed from his hand.

Bill paid Tom and said "That's amazing. What kind of work do you do to build up that kind of strength? Are you an ironworker or a lumberjack or a longshoreman or what" Tom replied "No I work in a cubicle in a big office downtown. I'm an auditor for the IRS ." :rolleyes:
 
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