Daren Todd
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Massey Ferguson 1825E, Kubota Z121S, Box blade, Rotary Cutter
Daily Chuckle
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Daren Todd
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Massey Ferguson 1825E, Kubota Z121S, Box blade, Rotary Cutter
I could understand that warning. But usually you would have some clue that you are on a dirt road
I just wonder who the person was that complained so loud they felt they had to add a disclaimer like that Probably the same guy that launched his boat 'pickup first'.I could understand that warning. But usually you would have some clue that you are on a dirt road
Daren Todd
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Massey Ferguson 1825E, Kubota Z121S, Box blade, Rotary Cutter
Years ago on my first trip to arkansas, I was out on dad's party barge fishing with dad and my grandfather. We stopped into the marina to top off the boat and get a cold drink when this guy pulled up to the dock with his brand new bass boat.Probably the same guy that launched his boat 'pickup first'.
Guy was complaining about the performance
Dad and I were standing there looking at the boat while he was complaining. I pointed out to dad there were still straps hooked to the boat The bone head had his trailer attached to the bottom of it
Daren Todd
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Massey Ferguson 1825E, Kubota Z121S, Box blade, Rotary Cutter
A married couple are out one night at a dance club. There’s a guy on the dance floor giving it large: break dancing, moon walking, back flips, the works. The wife turns to her husband and says, "See that guy? Twenty years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down." The husband says, "Looks like he’s still celebrating!"
Daren Todd
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Massey Ferguson 1825E, Kubota Z121S, Box blade, Rotary Cutter
Yep, that would git-er-done.
2 dare I say billygoat clinton quickies...
Monica is endorsing trump, seems the clintons left a bad taste, in her mouth...
Why do billygoat's eyes burn, before sex?
MACE!
Monica is endorsing trump, seems the clintons left a bad taste, in her mouth...
Why do billygoat's eyes burn, before sex?
MACE!
Daren Todd
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Massey Ferguson 1825E, Kubota Z121S, Box blade, Rotary Cutter
I woke up to go to the toilet in the middle of the night (as I often do) & I noticed a strange individual who looked vaguely middle-eastern sneaking through my next door neighbor’s back garden with a knife in his hand.
Suddenly my neighbor came from nowhere and smacked him over the head with a shovel, killing him instantly. He then dug a grave in the veggie patch and put the body in it and covered it.
Astonished, I got back into bed. As I tossed and turned my wife said, "You're upset, what is it?"
"You'll never believe what I've just seen," I said.
”What” she said ....
"That bastard next door has still got the shovel I lent him months ago........."
Suddenly my neighbor came from nowhere and smacked him over the head with a shovel, killing him instantly. He then dug a grave in the veggie patch and put the body in it and covered it.
Astonished, I got back into bed. As I tossed and turned my wife said, "You're upset, what is it?"
"You'll never believe what I've just seen," I said.
”What” she said ....
"That bastard next door has still got the shovel I lent him months ago........."
A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down......
The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?"
"Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"
"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back that
have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could
you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I'll give you $100 for your trouble"
"I'd be happy to," said the blonde.
So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts, and
off they went.
Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified!
There was the blonde walking down the street, holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd.
With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde.
"What are you doing here?" he demanded, "I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo!"
"Yes, I know you did," said the blonde. "But we had money left over so now we're going to Sea World."
The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?"
"Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"
"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back that
have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could
you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I'll give you $100 for your trouble"
"I'd be happy to," said the blonde.
So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts, and
off they went.
Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified!
There was the blonde walking down the street, holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd.
With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde.
"What are you doing here?" he demanded, "I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo!"
"Yes, I know you did," said the blonde. "But we had money left over so now we're going to Sea World."
Daren Todd
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Massey Ferguson 1825E, Kubota Z121S, Box blade, Rotary Cutter
A Man With No Enemies
Meet Walter Barnes - All golfers should live so long as to become this kind of old man!
Toward the end of the Sunday service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"
80% held up their hands. The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one man, Walter Barnes.
"Mr. Barnes, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"
"I don't have any," he replied gruffly.
"Mr. Barnes, that is very unusual. How old are you?"
"Ninety-eight," he replied. The congregation stood up and clapped their hands.
"Oh, Mr. Barnes, would you please come down in front and tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world?"
The old golfer tottered down the aisle, stopped in front of the pulpit, turned to face the congregation, and said simply, "I outlived all them."
Then he calmly returned to his seat.
Meet Walter Barnes - All golfers should live so long as to become this kind of old man!
Toward the end of the Sunday service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"
80% held up their hands. The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one man, Walter Barnes.
"Mr. Barnes, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"
"I don't have any," he replied gruffly.
"Mr. Barnes, that is very unusual. How old are you?"
"Ninety-eight," he replied. The congregation stood up and clapped their hands.
"Oh, Mr. Barnes, would you please come down in front and tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world?"
The old golfer tottered down the aisle, stopped in front of the pulpit, turned to face the congregation, and said simply, "I outlived all them."
Then he calmly returned to his seat.
I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair, but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning.
My wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did. She's 25, and her name's Heather.
Went to our local bar with my wife last night. Locals started shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me, just because my wife is 24 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 15th anniversary.
My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said "Son, that's three schools this year! You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."
My wife has been missing a week now. The police said to prepare for the worst. So, I had to go down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back.
The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if we could contribute towards the floods in Pakistan . I said, "We'd love to, but our garden hose only reaches the end of the driveway."
My wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did. She's 25, and her name's Heather.
Went to our local bar with my wife last night. Locals started shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me, just because my wife is 24 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 15th anniversary.
My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said "Son, that's three schools this year! You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."
My wife has been missing a week now. The police said to prepare for the worst. So, I had to go down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back.
The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if we could contribute towards the floods in Pakistan . I said, "We'd love to, but our garden hose only reaches the end of the driveway."
