Daily Chuckle

[PoTreeBoy]

North vs South: The difference between the North and the South - at last, clearly explained...


The North has Bloomingdale's , the South has Dollar General .

The North has coffee houses, the South has Waffle Houses ..

The North has dating services, the South has family reunions.

The North has switchblade knives; the South has .45's

The North has double last names; the South has double first names.

The North has Indy car races; The South has stock car races .

North has Cream of Wheat , the South has grits.

The North has green salads, the South has collard greens ..

The North has lobsters, the South has crawfish .

The North has the rust belt; the South has the Bible Belt ..

FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH . .. ....

In the South : --If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.... Do not buy food at this store.

Remember, 'Y'all' is singular, 'all y'all' is plural, and 'all y'all's' is plural possessive

Get used to hearing 'You ain't from round here, are ya?'

Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.

Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either... The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective 'big'ol,' truck

or 'big'ol' boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.

The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper .

Be advised that 'He needed killin..' is a valid defense here.

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, 'Hey, y'all watch this,' you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store... It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.

Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them

how to aim.

In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.

AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners.. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we ain't gonna call 'em biscuits.

I dunno about that snow threat thing. Around here you have to pile in the grocery store and buy milk and bread, nothing else, just milk and bread. Anything else is considered hoarding.

 

[bearbait]

Duct tape works better!

Actually crazy glue.

 

[Magicman]

Civil Servant

A civil servant is badly hurt, after falling down the stairs at city hall.

He is taken to the hospital where he remains in a coma for several days.

Finally, an eye opens and his doctor tells him, "My friend, I have bad news and I have good news. First of all, you'll never be able to work again."

"Okay," muttered the injured bureaucrat. "What's the bad news?"

 

[ranger danger]

North vs South: The difference between the North and the South - at last, clearly explained...


The North has Bloomingdale's , the South has Dollar General .

The North has coffee houses, the South has Waffle Houses ..

The North has dating services, the South has family reunions.

The North has switchblade knives; the South has .45's

The North has double last names; the South has double first names.

The North has Indy car races; The South has stock car races .

North has Cream of Wheat , the South has grits.

The North has green salads, the South has collard greens ..

The North has lobsters, the South has crawfish .

The North has the rust belt; the South has the Bible Belt ..

FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH . .. ....

In the South : --If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.... Do not buy food at this store.

Remember, 'Y'all' is singular, 'all y'all' is plural, and 'all y'all's' is plural possessive

Get used to hearing 'You ain't from round here, are ya?'

Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.

Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either... The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective 'big'ol,' truck

or 'big'ol' boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.

The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper .

Be advised that 'He needed killin..' is a valid defense here.

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, 'Hey, y'all watch this,' you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store... It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.

Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them

how to aim.

In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.

AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners.. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we ain't gonna call 'em biscuits.

I was Borned in West Blockton Al. Every word is true!

 

[i7win7]

I want to divorce my wife."
"On what grounds?"
"She is out all night, every night, going from bar to bar."
"Are you saying she's an alcoholic or do you think she's cheating?"
"No, she is looking for me."

 

[i7win7]

Judy took 2 stuffed dogs to the Antiques Roadshow.
"Ooh," said the presenter. "This is a very rare set produced by the celebrated Johns Brothers taxidermists who operated in London at the turn of the last century. Do you have any idea what they would fetch if they were in good condition?"
"Sticks," said Judy.

 

[Magicman]

Check your Driver's License:

I definitely removed mine. I suggest you all do the same. Now you can see anyone's Driver's License on the Internet, including your own! I just searched for mine and there it was... picture and all!

Go to the web site, and check it out. It's unbelievable! Just enter your name, city and state to see if yours is on file.

After your license comes on the screen, click the box marked 'Please Remove'. This will remove it from public viewing, but not from law enforcement. Please notify all your friends so they can protect themselves, too. Believe me they will thank you for it.

SEARCH

 

[i7win7]

 

[i7win7]

Fastest way to make a bridge?

 

[i7win7]

 

[i7win7]

 

[Goz63]

Check your Driver's License:

I definitely removed mine. I suggest you all do the same. Now you can see anyone's Driver's License on the Internet, including your own! I just searched for mine and there it was... picture and all!

Go to the web site, and check it out. It's unbelievable! Just enter your name, city and state to see if yours is on file.

After your license comes on the screen, click the box marked 'Please Remove'. This will remove it from public viewing, but not from law enforcement. Please notify all your friends so they can protect themselves, too. Believe me they will thank you for it.

SEARCH

Um since this is in the thread “daily chuckle “ is that supposed to be a joke?

 

[Fordtech86]

Um since this is in the thread “daily chuckle “ is that supposed to be a joke?

Need to click the link at the bottom that says “search”

 

[Magicman]

A good tight cross thread is worth two lock washers.

 

[Fordtech86]

A good tight cross thread is worth two lock washers.

Had an instructor at a training center that would say a cross thread is better then loctite

 

[Magicman]

Yup, there is more than one way to skin a cat, and the cat hates them all.

 

[bucktail]

Fastest way to make a bridge?
View attachment 67938
View attachment 67939

The bridges of Hazzard county?

 

[RCW]

Fastest way to make a bridge?
View attachment 67938

My school bus driver tried to make one with a bus, too.

Unfortunately, he didn't let us kids off first....

Thankfully, just a dig ditch, and nobody hurt. Wasn't his fault; roads were horrible.

I was in 4 bus accidents as a kid...spent a lot of time on it over roads named Hill, Hollow, Valley, Gulf, etc.

 

[Magicman]

The best thing about a Colonoscopy is that the next day the worst part is all behind you....

 

[GeoHorn]

I was in an aviation maintenance facility recently and on the back of one of the mechanics’ toolbox was this sign:

”My First Husband was a Doctor….and all he wanted to do was look at it.

My Second Husband was a Cop. All he wanted was to protect it.

My Third Husband is the one I’m keeping. He’s a mechanic.…He tore it up the first night and has been working on it ever-since!”