Daily Chuckle

[Daren Todd]

 

[Magicman]

I wonder if this comes in Orange??

 

[i7win7]

Think I know who parks here

 

[i7win7]

 

[Magicman]

The wildest Karate practice is a spider web in your face.

 

[Magicman]

MISSING NOVA SCOTIAN WIFE

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident in the Bay
of Fundy, Nova Scotia, a man answered his door to find two grim-faced
Mounties. "We know it's late, sir, but we have some information about
your wife," said one of the Mounties.

"Tell me! Did you find her!?" the husband shouted.

The Mounties looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news,
some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear
first?" Fearing the worst, the ashen husband said "Give me the bad news
first."

The second Mountie said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning
we found your wife's body in the bay." "Oh my God!" exclaimed the
husband.

Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the good news?" The Mountie
continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 6 twenty-five pound snow
crabs and 12 good-size lobsters clinging to her." Stunned, the husband
demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the great news???"

The Mountie answered, "We're gonna pull her up again tomorrow."

 

[Daren Todd]

Found this under the lid of a pizza box.

 

[Magicman]

Four guys spend weeks planning the perfect backwoods camping and fishing trip.
Two days before the group is to leave Frank's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.
Frank's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.
Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Frank sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and fish cooking on the fire.
"DanG man, how long you been here and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?"
"Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said 'guess who'?"
I pulled her hands off and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie.
She took my hand and took me to our bedroom. The room had two dozen candles and rose pedals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs and ropes!
She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed and I did. And then she said "Do what ever you want."
So here I am.

 

[Daren Todd]

The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won !! The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the next race, and it won that race too. The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT. The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in any more races. The next day the local paper headline read: “BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS”. This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey. The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN!! The Bishop fainted .... He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey as soon as possible. So she sold it to a local farmer for $10. The next day the paper read: “NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10”. This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Nun to buy back the donkey, and take it to the plains where it could run wild. The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE. The Bishop was buried the next day. The moral of the story is .. . .. being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery, even shorten your life. So be yourself and enjoy life. Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and live longer!

 

[Magicman]

So be yourself and enjoy life. Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and live longer!

Good advice even without the joke.

 

[i7win7]

privy - NOUN

1. a toilet located in a small shed outside a house or other building; an outhouse.

And they call this a privy ??

 

[i7win7]

Now you can get designer vaccine

 

[Magicman]

One hot summer day, a blonde came to town with her dog,
tied it under the shade of a tree, and headed into a
restaurant for something cold to drink.

Twenty minutes later, a policeman entered the restaurant
and asked, "Who owns the dog tied under that tree
outside?"

The blonde said it was hers.

"Your dog seems to be in heat," the officer said.

The blonde replied, "No way. She's cool 'cause
she's tied up under that shade tree."

The policeman said, "No! You don't understand.
Your dog needs to be bred."

"No way," said the blonde. "My dog
doesn't need bread. She isn't hungry 'cause I
fed her this mornin."

The exasperated policeman said, "NO! You don't
understand. Your dog wants to have sex!"

The blonde looked at the cop and said, "Well, go
ahead. I always wanted a police dog."

 

[i7win7]

The banker fell overboard from a friend's sailboat.

The friend grabbed a life preserver, held it up, not knowing if the banker could swim, and shouted, “Can you float alone?”

“Obviously,” the banker replied, “but this is a heck of a time to talk business.”

 

[Magicman]

I was in a restaurant yesterday when I felt that I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music.

I felt better but then I noticed that everybody was staring at me and one guy giving me a "thumbs up".

That is when suddenly realized that I was listening to my ear buds.

 

[Daren Todd]

 

[Magicman]

Who can not Chuckle at that!!

 

[D2Cat]

 

[i7win7]

It takes how long for a new hairdo?

 

[i7win7]

Single parent's worst nightmares