Daily Chuckle
- Thread starter skeets
- Start date
armylifer
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
BX1860, FEL, RCK54P MMM, BB1548 Box Scraper, Quick Hitch, Piranha Bar, BX6315
Lil Foot
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
1979 B7100DT Gear, Nissan Hanix N150-2 Excavator
Reminds me of a guy I know. Years ago, he was out prospecting, and remembered a tiny box canyon with a small spring, completely surrounded by rock, that he had discovered back in high school. A little searching found it, but it was covered by camo screens and something was growing under there. As he left the area, his magnesium match fell out of his pocket, sparking a fire in that plastic screen material.
Worried about a wildfire spreading, he hoofed it to the nearest payphone and called it in, but the fire never spread beyond the canyon. There was a brief mention on the news that night about a fire in that area, but that was it.
Many many years ago, before Disney World, I lived in Florida and knew a bunch of rednecks. When the hippie movement started and people were smoking pot the rednecks were really down on it. One day a picture of a pot plant was in the newspaper and one of the good ole boys said "That thar looks like Deer Tongue, we smoke that when we are out camping". All a matter of perspective.
I didn't think I was getting old but for some reason I really pissed off this young lady the other day. She came up to me and said "For $20 I will do anything you want". So I handed her a 20 and said "Paint my house". Guess these young people don't want to work that hard.
Newlyme
Active member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
M4900 w/loader, finish mower, tiller, auger, rake. BX24 w/loader, backhoe
A man buys a parrot, only to have it constantly insult him. He tries everything to make the parrot stop, but nothing works. Frustrated, the man puts the parrot in the freezer. After a few minutes the insults stop. The man thinks he might have killed the parrot, so he opens the freezer and takes the parrot out. The parrot is shivering. It stammers, “S-s-sorry for being r-r-rude. Please f-f-forgive me.” Then, after a moment, the parrot softly asks, “W-w-what exactly d-d-did the turkey do?”
Erma Bombeck
Erma Bombeck
North Idaho Wolfman
Moderator
Staff member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
L3450DT-GST, Woods FEL, B7100 HSD, FEL, 60" SB, 743 Bobcat with V2203, and more
Daren Todd
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Massey Ferguson 1825E, Kubota Z121S, Box blade, Rotary Cutter
This is actually pure genius 
I think it's a water taxi. Wife and I were having lunch and saw it go by.
Sent from my SM-G920V using Tapatalk
I think it's a water taxi. Wife and I were having lunch and saw it go by.
Sent from my SM-G920V using Tapatalk
A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.
She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand..
Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.
She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.
For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.
Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.
One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return.
Two o'clock and no hired hand.
Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.
She quietly called him over to her..
"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.
Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots."
He did as she asked, ever so slowly. "Now take off my socks."
He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
"Now take off my skirt."
He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.
"Now take off my bra.." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."
She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand..
Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.
She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.
For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.
Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.
One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return.
Two o'clock and no hired hand.
Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.
She quietly called him over to her..
"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.
Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots."
He did as she asked, ever so slowly. "Now take off my socks."
He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
"Now take off my skirt."
He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.
"Now take off my bra.." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."
"Dispatch, this is Officer Murphy at the site of that domestic dispute..."
"Go ahead Murphy"
"Well, Mrs. Jones says in her statement that she spent all day mopping the floors, then Mr. Jones came home and walked all over them while they were still wet, so she shot him."
"Good heavens! Have you taken her into custody?"
"No sir, the floor's still wet."
"Go ahead Murphy"
"Well, Mrs. Jones says in her statement that she spent all day mopping the floors, then Mr. Jones came home and walked all over them while they were still wet, so she shot him."
"Good heavens! Have you taken her into custody?"
"No sir, the floor's still wet."
Guy: Doctor my girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the rubber never broke. How is this possible?
Doctor: Let me tell you a story. "There was once a hunter that always carried a gun everywhere he went. One day he took his umbrella instead of his gun and went out. A lion suddenly jumped in front of him. To scare the lion hunter used the umbrella like a gun and shot the lion. Then it died!"
Guy: Nonsense! Someone else must of shot the lion.
Doctor: Good. You understood the story. Next patient please.
Doctor: Let me tell you a story. "There was once a hunter that always carried a gun everywhere he went. One day he took his umbrella instead of his gun and went out. A lion suddenly jumped in front of him. To scare the lion hunter used the umbrella like a gun and shot the lion. Then it died!"
Guy: Nonsense! Someone else must of shot the lion.
Doctor: Good. You understood the story. Next patient please.
PHPaul
Well-known member
Equipment
B2650, Pronovost snow blower, Landpride rotary mower, Howard tiller, box blade
A woman in a hot air balloon realizes she is lost.
She lowers her altitude and spots a man fishing from a boat below.
She shouts to him,"Excuse me, can you help me?"
"I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am".
The man consults his portable GPS and replies, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground evevation 2346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude."
She rolls her eyes and says, "You must be a Republican!"
"I am", replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well", answers the balloonist, "Everything you tell me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you're not much help to me."
The man smiles and responds, "You must be a Democrat."
"I am", replies the balloonist. "How did you know?"
"Well", says the man, "You don't know here you are or where you're going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and now you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but, somehow, now it's my fault."
She lowers her altitude and spots a man fishing from a boat below.
She shouts to him,"Excuse me, can you help me?"
"I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am".
The man consults his portable GPS and replies, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground evevation 2346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude."
She rolls her eyes and says, "You must be a Republican!"
"I am", replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well", answers the balloonist, "Everything you tell me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you're not much help to me."
The man smiles and responds, "You must be a Democrat."
"I am", replies the balloonist. "How did you know?"
"Well", says the man, "You don't know here you are or where you're going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and now you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but, somehow, now it's my fault."
ShaunBlake
New member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
B6100D; B219; Piranha bar; Hodge stabilizers; Filled Ag rears; R322T w/48" deck