Daily Chuckle
- Thread starter skeets
- Start date
bmblank
Well-known member
Equipment
2020 L3901HST, LA525 Loader, 66" Q/A Bucket, PFL2042 Forks, Meteor SB68PT Blower
85Hokie
Moderator
Staff member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
BX-25D ,PTB. Under Armor, '90&'92-B7100HST's, '06 BX1850 FEL
Ahhhhh soooo say the Chinese man ...... or NOT so fast my friend so the sports announcer !!!!
ONLY if you have had YOUR birthday in THIS year does it make it true....... I have not yet thus I am ONE year short!
i7win7
Well-known member
Equipment
BX2370, B2650 grapple, tree puller, trailer mover, 3 point hoist, mower, tiller
i7win7
Well-known member
Equipment
BX2370, B2650 grapple, tree puller, trailer mover, 3 point hoist, mower, tiller
For anyone one thinking about retiring or relocating.
You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona where…
1. You are willing to park three blocks away from your house because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your rear-end from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for four hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door at 500 degrees.
6. The four seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??
OR
You can retire to California where...
1. You make over $450,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
5. The four seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud and Drought.
OR
You can retire to New York City where...
1. You say, "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is "nature."
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multilingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn. (IF you have a car.)
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression
OR
You can retire to Minnesota or Wisconsin where...
1. You only have three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.
2. Halloween costumes have to fit over parkas.
3. You have seventeen recipes for casserole.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road repair.
6. The highest level of criticism is "He is different," "She is different," or "It was different!"
OR
You can retire to The Deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has two first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Joe Bob, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everything is either: "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder. ”
6. You can say anything about anyone, as long as you say "Bless his heart” at the end!
OR
You can move to Colorado where...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home, so he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a ponytail.
OR
You can retire to Nebraska or Kansas where...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is three cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition; "Where's my coat at?"
OR
FINALLY, you can retire to Florida where...
1. You eat dinner at 4:15 in the afternoon. Two meals a day can work.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind - even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent cardiologist, dermatologist, dentist, podiatrist, or orthopedist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
6. Most holidays, birthdays, events include "going to the beach".
7. You will need a lighter wardrobe: mainly shorts, short sleeves shirts, sandals, big hat or cap with visor, bathing suit, and of course sunglasses (shades).
8. No matter where you are from, you meet others from there.
9. You live there happily till you get older and need help. Then you go back up north to be near the kids. Or, the kids are baby boomers and retire to Florida to be near you!
10. Weather report and forecast come on every 10 minutes because that's how fast it can change, especially in summer which goes from late February to November.
Did you notice we skipped 5. One takes liberties in Florida!
You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona where…
1. You are willing to park three blocks away from your house because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your rear-end from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for four hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door at 500 degrees.
6. The four seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??
OR
You can retire to California where...
1. You make over $450,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
5. The four seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud and Drought.
OR
You can retire to New York City where...
1. You say, "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is "nature."
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multilingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn. (IF you have a car.)
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression
OR
You can retire to Minnesota or Wisconsin where...
1. You only have three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.
2. Halloween costumes have to fit over parkas.
3. You have seventeen recipes for casserole.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road repair.
6. The highest level of criticism is "He is different," "She is different," or "It was different!"
OR
You can retire to The Deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has two first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Joe Bob, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everything is either: "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder. ”
6. You can say anything about anyone, as long as you say "Bless his heart” at the end!
OR
You can move to Colorado where...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home, so he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a ponytail.
OR
You can retire to Nebraska or Kansas where...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is three cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition; "Where's my coat at?"
OR
FINALLY, you can retire to Florida where...
1. You eat dinner at 4:15 in the afternoon. Two meals a day can work.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind - even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent cardiologist, dermatologist, dentist, podiatrist, or orthopedist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
6. Most holidays, birthdays, events include "going to the beach".
7. You will need a lighter wardrobe: mainly shorts, short sleeves shirts, sandals, big hat or cap with visor, bathing suit, and of course sunglasses (shades).
8. No matter where you are from, you meet others from there.
9. You live there happily till you get older and need help. Then you go back up north to be near the kids. Or, the kids are baby boomers and retire to Florida to be near you!
10. Weather report and forecast come on every 10 minutes because that's how fast it can change, especially in summer which goes from late February to November.
Did you notice we skipped 5. One takes liberties in Florida!
SNUFF! Do you remember what Snuff is?
Powdered tobacco, it's taken by putting two small pinches on the back of your hand and inhaling it up nostril, yes, like cocaine!
Well this old guy would always leave his small tin of snuff in the pub, never used it anywhere else. Well, these two village wags go some dry
dog shit and powderized it and mixed it with the snuff!
The old guy orders his pint of bitter and sniffed some snuff. He looks around, under the tables looking for a dog, then he looks under his shoes, "Can anyone smell dog shit?" he questions, silence. Other guy Bob says, "Actually I cant smell anything". "Here, try this", offering some snuff. Ok. Bob sniffed the snuff and exclaimed, that's much better! Now I can smell it!
Powdered tobacco, it's taken by putting two small pinches on the back of your hand and inhaling it up nostril, yes, like cocaine!
Well this old guy would always leave his small tin of snuff in the pub, never used it anywhere else. Well, these two village wags go some dry
dog shit and powderized it and mixed it with the snuff!
The old guy orders his pint of bitter and sniffed some snuff. He looks around, under the tables looking for a dog, then he looks under his shoes, "Can anyone smell dog shit?" he questions, silence. Other guy Bob says, "Actually I cant smell anything". "Here, try this", offering some snuff. Ok. Bob sniffed the snuff and exclaimed, that's much better! Now I can smell it!
i7win7
Well-known member
Equipment
BX2370, B2650 grapple, tree puller, trailer mover, 3 point hoist, mower, tiller
i7win7
Well-known member
Equipment
BX2370, B2650 grapple, tree puller, trailer mover, 3 point hoist, mower, tiller
A dog walks into a butcher shop and the butcher asks, “What do you want?” The dog points to the steak in a glass case. “How many pounds?” The dog barks twice. “Anything else?” The dog points to some pork chops and barks four times. So the butcher wraps up a two-pound steak and four pork chops and places the bag in the dog’s mouth. He then takes money from a purse tied around the dog’s neck and sees him out. A customer, who has been watching in amazement, follows the dog to a house several blocks away, where it rings the doorbell to be let in. As the owner appears at the door, the customer says, “What a remarkable dog!” “Remarkable?” snorts the owner. “This is the second time this week he’s forgotten his keys.”
i7win7
Well-known member
Equipment
BX2370, B2650 grapple, tree puller, trailer mover, 3 point hoist, mower, tiller