Daily Chuckle

[Kurtee]

A lot of people sure got their panties in a twist over, wait for it, a beer ad?
Sounds like a serious case of fragile sensibilities.

Gotta remember that when you are talking about something even bashing and talking crap you are still talking about it and that is advertising. The best kind--FREE ADVERTISING

 

[6869704x4]

 

[ken erickson]

View attachment 107696

I feared the last one on the list as it was very real and NOT silver screen make believe.

 

[Henro]

I feared the last one on the list as it was very real and NOT silver screen make believe.

My mom used a wooden 36” yardstick. Fortunately cheap ones that broke across my back without inflicting too much pain. LOL now but not then.

 

[Lil Foot]

My parents used a leather belt.

Normal offenses:
Folded in half, ends held by the parent.

Worse infractions:
Small end with the holes, buckle end held by parent.

Severe infractions:
Buckle end, small end with holes held by parent.
(only once)

 

[Daylight]

 

[Toyboy]

 

[Toyboy]

 

[Magicman]

 

[Magicman]

 

[Tughill Tom]

 

[Magicman]

 

[Magicman]

 

[i7win7]

 

[i7win7]

 

[dlsmith]

My parents used a leather belt.

Normal offenses:
Folded in half, ends held by the parent.

Worse infractions:
Small end with the holes, buckle end held by parent.

Severe infractions:
Buckle end, small end with holes held by parent.
(only once)

My dad could have his belt unbuckled and crack you on the behind in about 100 milliseconds.

 

[Siesta Sundance]

 

[Daren Todd]

My dad could have his belt unbuckled and crack you on the behind in about 100 milliseconds.

My wife's that way with a flip flop

 

[NCL4701]

I rarely spanked my son, but two stories, both of which he and I both find kind of funny now that he’s grown.

First one he was in first grade. Smart kid but kept making 50’s on tests because they were printed front/back and he’d get everything right on the front but not fill out anything on the back. This wasn’t a one time thing, it was a habit his teacher and both of us had been on him about. Well, he and I were in the shop one afternoon and I asked him how school went. He told me he made another 50 on a test because he forgot to turn the paper over again. I told him in a not nice tone he was a smart kid and was better than that so pick it up and cut it out. Well, unbeknownst to me one of his buddies had advised him if your parents are getting on you, look at them with a blank cow eyed stupid look and they’d leave you be because they wouldn’t know how to react to that. So that’s what he did. I don’t know what that tripped in me, but I instantly backhanded the crap out of him right across that stupid looking blank face. He turned the paper over every time after that. Years later, he told me it was a weird experience because he’d never really been hit before by anyone and it didn’t hurt much when I hit him; but it did hurt when he landed in his head several feet away. He said he didn’t think I should have smacked him like that. I told him he shouldn’t have given me that dumbass look. Then we both stared at each other for a minute and started laughing about it.

The last time (and maybe next time it was so rare) he was 16. His mom has calmed down some but she was a short fused fire cracker and he was a typical irritating teenager so they’d get into it now and then over inane crap like whether it’s acceptable to eat mashed potatoes with a spoon instead of a fork. It wasn’t exactly common but if these discussions got out of hand I’d send them to their separate corners and have to sort it out, usually with some punishment for him for disrespecting his mom if nothing else, but honestly it was kind of hard to punish him severely for mouthing back to someone yelling at him solely because he ate mashed potatoes with a spoon. They were into one of these discussions one night about whether socks should be matched and folded as a pair or matched and twined together as a pair (like it matters). It started going from a discussion to an argument so I told them both to cut it out because it clearly doesn’t matter. For some unknown reason she then tells him she’s just going to spank him. Probably not a reasonable threat from a middle age woman to a 16 year old varsity high school football player, particularly over sock twining, but before I can say anything, he fires back “You couldn’t if you tried”. I decided to see what she does with that mostly for entertainment value and she responds with, “Then your father will”. He says, “He can’t either”. Bad move. I calmly say, “Y’all are both idiots for arguing over socks but you aren’t going to talk to your mom like that, and stupid as it is to spank a 16 year old, I suppose we’ll find out if I can still spank you or not.” They both go into some sort of minor panic: son because his mouth just wrote a check he ain’t real confident he can cash; wife because her nice living room is in danger of being busted up in the equivalent of a bar fight. To my son’s relief, she convinces me with quite a bit of pleading not to go at it right there; but I tell him, “I got a long memory and one day your mama ain’t going to be around to stop anything and we’re going to find out what’s up.” They both apologize to each other, both apologize to me, and we all go our separate ways.

It’s not two hours later, wife’s upstairs and I’m in the office part of the shop area doing some accounting stuff. Son shows up and asks me what I’m up to like nothing ever happened. I respond, “You are the dumbest man on the planet.” He asks why. I ask him, “You see your mama around here, boy?” I think he understood the reason for the question because his answer was, “Oh, shit!” And we went to tussling. It took near 10 minutes but I eventually got him wadded up upside down under one arm and literally spanked him. I’m quite sure the spanking didn’t hurt him physically one bit. Took a chunk out of his pride, though. After that we were both pretty wore out so we both got a soda out of the fridge, sat down, watched the end of whatever NASCAR race was on, and agreed it wasn’t in either of our best interest to take it to that level again. I’m not quite sure my wife ever found out about the end of that story.

 

[ve9aa]

I rarely spanked my son, but two stories, both of which he and I both find kind of funny now that he’s grown.

First one he was in first grade. Smart kid but kept making 50’s on tests because they were printed front/back and he’d get everything right on the front but not fill out anything on the back. This wasn’t a one time thing, it was a habit his teacher and both of us had been on him about. Well, he and I were in the shop one afternoon and I asked him how school went. He told me he made another 50 on a test because he forgot to turn the paper over again. I told him in a not nice tone he was a smart kid and was better than that so pick it up and cut it out. Well, unbeknownst to me one of his buddies had advised him if your parents are getting on you, look at them with a blank cow eyed stupid look and they’d leave you be because they wouldn’t know how to react to that. So that’s what he did. I don’t know what that tripped in me, but I instantly backhanded the crap out of him right across that stupid looking blank face. He turned the paper over every time after that. Years later, he told me it was a weird experience because he’d never really been hit before by anyone and it didn’t hurt much when I hit him; but it did hurt when he landed in his head several feet away. He said he didn’t think I should have smacked him like that. I told him he shouldn’t have given me that dumbass look. Then we both stared at each other for a minute and started laughing about it.

The last time (and maybe next time it was so rare) he was 16. His mom has calmed down some but she was a short fused fire cracker and he was a typical irritating teenager so they’d get into it now and then over inane crap like whether it’s acceptable to eat mashed potatoes with a spoon instead of a fork. It wasn’t exactly common but if these discussions got out of hand I’d send them to their separate corners and have to sort it out, usually with some punishment for him for disrespecting his mom if nothing else, but honestly it was kind of hard to punish him severely for mouthing back to someone yelling at him solely because he ate mashed potatoes with a spoon. They were into one of these discussions one night about whether socks should be matched and folded as a pair or matched and twined together as a pair (like it matters). It started going from a discussion to an argument so I told them both to cut it out because it clearly doesn’t matter. For some unknown reason she then tells him she’s just going to spank him. Probably not a reasonable threat from a middle age woman to a 16 year old varsity high school football player, particularly over sock twining, but before I can say anything, he fires back “You couldn’t if you tried”. I decided to see what she does with that mostly for entertainment value and she responds with, “Then your father will”. He says, “He can’t either”. Bad move. I calmly say, “Y’all are both idiots for arguing over socks but you aren’t going to talk to your mom like that, and stupid as it is to spank a 16 year old, I suppose we’ll find out if I can still spank you or not.” They both go into some sort of minor panic: son because his mouth just wrote a check he ain’t real confident he can cash; wife because her nice living room is in danger of being busted up in the equivalent of a bar fight. To my son’s relief, she convinces me with quite a bit of pleading not to go at it right there; but I tell him, “I got a long memory and one day your mama ain’t going to be around to stop anything and we’re going to find out what’s up.” They both apologize to each other, both apologize to me, and we all go our separate ways.

It’s not two hours later, wife’s upstairs and I’m in the office part of the shop area doing some accounting stuff. Son shows up and asks me what I’m up to like nothing ever happened. I respond, “You are the dumbest man on the planet.” He asks why. I ask him, “You see your mama around here, boy?” I think he understood the reason for the question because his answer was, “Oh, shit!” And we went to tussling. It took near 10 minutes but I eventually got him wadded up upside down under one arm and literally spanked him. I’m quite sure the spanking didn’t hurt him physically one bit. Took a chunk out of his pride, though. After that we were both pretty wore out so we both got a soda out of the fridge, sat down, watched the end of whatever NASCAR race was on, and agreed it wasn’t in either of our best interest to take it to that level again. I’m not quite sure my wife ever found out about the end of that story.

Winner of real life comedy stories. Hands down.