Daily Chuckle

[Bmyers]

 

[Lil Foot]

When our company was bought out by another, one of the endless, almost universally stupid things they did was to spend about a million bucks having a signage consulting firm come in and survey the plant.

They decided (surprise!) that we needed new signs on all the doors, offices, labs, departments, areas, gates, parking, hallways, personal cubicles, you get the idea.

My machine shop went from "Secure Machining & Development Lab" to "Maching Shop".

My personal lab went from "Vytran Lab" to "Vitron Lab".

Our "Engineering and Sciences" area was rebadged "Enigeering and Sceinces".

I wish I had been able to take pics.

 

[skeets]

On a door close to my office. Funny, yet oh so sad, and no one ever seems to see it but me...

View attachment 84330

I guess you dont work in a green house huh

 

[chim]

At the company I retired from last year, a few of us enjoyed some lighthearted phone antics. When the girl at one of our vendors offices answered the phone with "Good afternoon. Melissa speaking", one of the guys asked if her sister worked at another well-known local business. She asked why, and he told her that when he calls there, their girl answers "Betty speaking" and he thought they might be relatives.

I called a business and a real live person answered with "XXX Company where we always have time for you. Could you hold please?"

It was one of those trying days when the secretary put a old-calling salesman through to me. His opening was "I just wanted to reach out to you .......". I told him that the next time someone calls offering to "reach out to me" I'm going to puke right into the phone. I guess I just wasn't in a buying mood that day.

One bud (on more than one occasion) got a call offering an extended warranty on is car. He expressed some faked interest and asked "Which one?". guy on the phone said "The one you drive". I drive a couple different ones, which one", and so on.

 

[Newlyme]

I used to work at Coca Cola. Our plant was a pretty good one at the time and earned corporate achievements often. When we received a big trophy that the plant manager was so proud of he had a display case made and showed it off to all.
Not being able to resist the urge….
I placed a sign next to the display, “If you wish to have your picture taken with this award please call ext xxx to set up a time”. We all got a chuckle.

 

[Daren Todd]

 

[Magicman]

 

[Ridelght]

 

[Daylight]

I guess you dont work in a green house huh

In a way I do: my office is a prefab made of 2" foam panels between sheet steel. In a place where temperatures can get close to 120F, the a/c really gets a workout...

 

[Old_Paint]

View attachment 82964

I thought I recognized that. I've walked right past that sign in Edinburgh. That's on the Royal Mile. There was another not too far from that that said "Daddy Day Care". They're pretty creative with their signs in Edinburgh.

 

[Old_Paint]

View attachment 83052

Darwin was right.

 

[Magicman]

 

[Daren Todd]

Darwin was right.

Saw some idiot a couple days ago. Perfectly good truck bed. But they had the lumber crammed through the drivers idea rear window into the front passenger seat. Used the window to lock the lumber in place.

Stuck up about 4ft over the cab, and 3ft into oncoming traffic.

 

[MOOTS]

Some of the guys in the gun thread be like:

 

[Tughill Tom]

 

[Magicman]

 

[DustyRusty]

Bricklayer's report on a work accident:
Dear Sir:

I am writing in response to your request for additional information. In block
number 3 of the accident reporting form, I put "trying to do the job alone" as
the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more
fully, and I trust that the following details will be sufficient.

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the date of the accident, I was working alone
on the roof of a new six storey building. When I completed my work, I
discovered that I had about 500 pounds of brick left over. Rather than carry
the bricks down by hand, I dedcided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley
which fortunately was attached to the building, at the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out,
and loaded the brick into it. Then I went back to the ground and untied the
rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the 500 pounds of brick.
You will note in block number 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 135
pounds.

Due to my surprise of being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my
presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I
proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming down. This
explains the fractured skull and collarbone.

Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the
fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.

Fortunately, by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to
hold tightly to the rope in spite of my pain.

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground
and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of the bricks, the
barrel now weighs approximately fifty pounds.

I refer you again to my weight in block number eleven. As you might imagine, I
began a rapid descent down the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This account
for the two fractured ankles and the lacerations of my legs and lower body.

The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I
fell onto the pile of bricks and fortunately, only three vertebrae were
cracked.

I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the bricks in pain,
unable to stand, and watching the empty barrel six stories above me, I again
lost my presence of mind and let go of the rope. The empty barrel weighed more
than the rope so it came back down on top of me and broke both of my legs.

I hope I have furnished the information you require as to how the accident
happened.

 

[hope to float]

Bricklayer's report on a work accident:
Dear Sir:

I am writing in response to your request for additional information. In block
number 3 of the accident reporting form, I put "trying to do the job alone" as
the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more
fully, and I trust that the following details will be sufficient.

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the date of the accident, I was working alone
on the roof of a new six storey building. When I completed my work, I
discovered that I had about 500 pounds of brick left over. Rather than carry
the bricks down by hand, I dedcided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley
which fortunately was attached to the building, at the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out,
and loaded the brick into it. Then I went back to the ground and untied the
rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the 500 pounds of brick.
You will note in block number 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 135
pounds.

Due to my surprise of being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my
presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I
proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming down. This
explains the fractured skull and collarbone.

Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the
fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.

Fortunately, by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to
hold tightly to the rope in spite of my pain.

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground
and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of the bricks, the
barrel now weighs approximately fifty pounds.

I refer you again to my weight in block number eleven. As you might imagine, I
began a rapid descent down the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This account
for the two fractured ankles and the lacerations of my legs and lower body.

The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I
fell onto the pile of bricks and fortunately, only three vertebrae were
cracked.

I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the bricks in pain,
unable to stand, and watching the empty barrel six stories above me, I again
lost my presence of mind and let go of the rope. The empty barrel weighed more
than the rope so it came back down on top of me and broke both of my legs.

I hope I have furnished the information you require as to how the accident
happened.

There is a song about this! Look up The Sick Note

 

[Daylight]

The best version of this classic was done by The Dubliners, some 50 years ago:

Bricklayer's report on a work accident:
Dear Sir:

I am writing in response to your request for additional information. In block
number 3 of the accident reporting form, I put "trying to do the job alone" as
the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more
fully, and I trust that the following details will be sufficient.

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the date of the accident, I was working alone
on the roof of a new six storey building. When I completed my work, I
discovered that I had about 500 pounds of brick left over. Rather than carry
the bricks down by hand, I dedcided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley
which fortunately was attached to the building, at the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out,
and loaded the brick into it. Then I went back to the ground and untied the
rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the 500 pounds of brick.
You will note in block number 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 135
pounds.

Due to my surprise of being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my
presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I
proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming down. This
explains the fractured skull and collarbone.

Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the
fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.

Fortunately, by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to
hold tightly to the rope in spite of my pain.

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground
and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of the bricks, the
barrel now weighs approximately fifty pounds.

I refer you again to my weight in block number eleven. As you might imagine, I
began a rapid descent down the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This account
for the two fractured ankles and the lacerations of my legs and lower body.

The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I
fell onto the pile of bricks and fortunately, only three vertebrae were
cracked.

I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the bricks in pain,
unable to stand, and watching the empty barrel six stories above me, I again
lost my presence of mind and let go of the rope. The empty barrel weighed more
than the rope so it came back down on top of me and broke both of my legs.

I hope I have furnished the information you require as to how the accident
happened.

 

[Magicman]