Daily Chuckle

[DustyRusty]

I goofed..

 

[xrocketengineer]

Senior Moments....


Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied....
'Two years older than me'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented..
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?





Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing
about being 104?' the reporter asked...
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'





The nice thing about being senile is
you can hide your own Easter eggs





I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes.
I'm half blind,
can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
take 40 different medications that
make me dizzy, winded, and subject to
blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation;
hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
I still have my driver's license.





I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
so I got my doctor's permission to
join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But,
by the time I
got my leotards on,
the class was over.





An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and
told her preacher she had two final requests.
First, she wanted to be cremated, and second,
she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart
'Wal-Mart?' the preacher exclaimed.
'Why Wal-Mart?'
'Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week'





My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.





Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.





It's scary when you start making the same noises
as your coffee maker.





These days about half the stuff
in my shopping cart says,
'For fast relief.'





THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
the eyesight to tell the
difference.

 

[xrocketengineer]

 

[wgator]

Last time I went to see my doctor I asked him to prescribe me the “blue pill” to help me.
He said no problem and wrote me a prescription for it.

I brought the prescription to my local pharmacy to be filled. After a while a young good looking female pharmacist called my name to pick up my prescription.

She smiled at me as she handed me my prescription and said “need a little help as you get older?”
I replied yes I do, my wife likes it three times a day and I’m good for 2, it’s the third time I need the help.

She turned beet red and handed me my prescription. I walked out of there with a smile on my face you couldn’t knock off with a 20 pound sledge hammer.

 

[Magicman]

 

[Bmyers]

 

[Bmyers]

 

[Magicman]

 

[Toyboy]

 

[mikester]

View attachment 83794 View attachment 83794

Does anyone else find it ironic that Trump's new social media platform "TRUTH" uses the same name as the former official newspaper of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union (USSR propaganda machine) "PRAVDA" which translates to "TRUTH"

Pravda - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

 

[ayak]

How about we call this a tie so the Daily Chuckle doesn’t get shut down and locked?—because at that point, I for one will be pissed.

 

[skeets]

You and me both !

 

[58Ford]

 

[Daren Todd]

 

[Daren Todd]

 

[Magicman]

 

[Tughill Tom]

 

[Fordtech86]

 

[Bmyers]

 

[Magicman]