Daily Chuckle

[Daren Todd]

 

[Magicman]

“I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.”

― WC Fields

 

[NorthwoodsLife]

Before Eve, Adam is alone in the Garden of Eden. God comes and walks with Adam. God says, "Adam, I saw that you were lonely, so I created a woman, to be your wife. She'll help you in everything. Wash and mend your clothes, wash the dishes, keep the house clean, help raise your children, love you forever, be your best friend, and the best part is; She'll give you wonderful sexual pleasure".

Adam thanks the Lord. Then hesitates and asks: "Lord, how much will she cost me"?
God says: "An arm and a leg".

Adam hesitates again, and asks God: "What can I get for a rib?"

 

[Magicman]

Meanwhile at pregnancy class.

The room was full of pregnant women with their partners.

The class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe and was telling the men how to give the necessary help and assurance to their partners at this stage of the pregnancy.

She said, "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier.

Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surface like grass or a path."

She looked at the men in the room, "Gentlemen, remember -- you're in this together. It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her. In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both."

The room suddenly got very quiet as the men absorbed this information.

After a few moments, a man named Rod at the back of the room slowly raised his hand.

"Yes," said the Instructor.

"I was just wondering, would it be all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"

 

[Magicman]

A son asked his mother the following question

' Mom, why are wedding dresses white? '

The mother looks at her son and replies:

' Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure.'

The son thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this with his father.

' Dad why are wedding dresses white? '

The father looks at his son in surprise and says:

'Son, all household appliances come in white.'

(The father's obituary will be appearing in the newspaper very soon.)

 

[Fordtech86]

 

[Daren Todd]

 

[Daren Todd]

 

[Daren Todd]

 

[Fordtech86]

 

[Magicman]

 

[Bmyers]

 

[Fordtech86]

 

[Magicman]

I never worried about old stuff until I got old. Then I realized I was too old to worry about old stuff.

 

[Fordtech86]

 

[Magicman]

A man found himself in an antique shop holding an ancient bottle with a Genie in front of him. The Genie said "Okay, its time for your third and final wish." The guy said "Hey, what about my first two." The Genie replied "You used your first wish and your second one was to reverse all knowledge of it." The guy said "Okay, I always wanted to understand how women think so that is my wish." The Genie laughed and said "Granted. That was your first wish too and laughing he disappeared in a puff of smoke."

 

[Fordtech86]

 

[Magicman]

My Favorite Animal

Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."
She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed.
My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.
Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office.
I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.

I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA.
He said they love animals very much.
I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef.

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.
I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken..

She sent me back to the principal's office.
He laughed, and told me not to do it again.

I don't understand.
My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.

Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most.
I told her, "Colonel Sanders."
Guess where I am now....

 

[Bmyers]

 

[Bmyers]