Daily Chuckle

[Magicman]

Her: "Do you think I'm getting fat?"

Me: "quiet"

Her: "are you listening to me?"

Me: "What hun? I've got my earphones on."

Her: "No you don't, I'm wearing them."

 

[Magicman]

The Gutter

"Do you remember first meeting your wife?"

"Sure, I found Jill lying face down in the gutter. I lifted her to her
feet and promised her that if she agreed to marry me, she would begin
a new life and I'd never allow her near the gutter again."

"Wow, I hope she appreciates what you did for her."

"Not really. Jill hated to give up bowling."

 

[Daren Todd]

No need to spend that much on bait, could just throw a couple 10 mm sockets under there for us

For me it's 13mm and 14mm. 1/2" and 9/16" .

 

[Magicman]

There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making guy steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.

"Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears.

"Come on, man," the guy says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can`t stand to see a man crying."

"This is the worst day of my life," I say. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife with another man and then my dog bit me."

"So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve; then you show up and drink the whole thing! But enough about me, how's your day going?

 

[DustyRusty]

 

[DustyRusty]

 

[Bmyers]

 

[Magicman]

At the other end of that bar sits a man telling dumb blonde jokes to his buddies. They laugh uproarisly, getting louder with each joke. Finally a nearby table with 6 blondes has enough, gets up and walks to the bar, surrounding him. Every blessed one of those blondes is 6 feet tall and not a hair under 200 pounds. The joke teller is 5 feet and weighs about 140. His buddies shrink away in horror, sure that they're gonna see their friend get hammered into the floor.

The tallest blonde towers over him and says; "we're tired of all your dumb blonde jokes and we expect you to stop it right now!" He says; "well I did have one more, but I guess I won't tell it now!"

The blonde says; "HAH! I guess you learned your lesson, huh, little fellow?"

He says; "What lesson? I just don't want to have to explain the same joke six times".

 

[i7win7]

 

[i7win7]

 

[i7win7]

 

[Magicman]

 

[Magicman]

 

[skeets]

View attachment 76038

Would you say she is a little cockeyed ?

 

[Bmyers]

 

[Bmyers]

 

[Magicman]

 

[D2Cat]

 

[i7win7]

 

[i7win7]