Bmyers
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Grand L3560 with LA805 loader, EA 55" Wicked Grapple, SBX72 BB, LP 1272 mower
Daily Chuckle
- Thread starter skeets
- Start date
Bmyers
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Grand L3560 with LA805 loader, EA 55" Wicked Grapple, SBX72 BB, LP 1272 mower
Magicman
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two Hearts and a Diamond. After a few years, you'll want a Club and a Spade!
RCW
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
BX2360, FEL, MMM, BX2750D snowblower. 1953 Minneapolis Moline ZAU
When I was doing clambakes, I had two very big guys run the steamer tent.
One owned a Vault company.
Used to say he was the last guy to let you down…..
50 Times Car Mechanics Took Pics Of What They Were Dealing With So Others Would Believe Them (New Pics)
Having a car is a commitment to yourself. If you properly take care of it, you will keep yourself safe on the road.
www.boredpanda.com
Ive seen pretty much all of these (except the train car
) and more 
. Never know whats gonna come through the door
Magicman
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
Newfoundland declares war on the USA
President O'Biden was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang.
"Hallo, President O'Biden" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Archie, up 'ere at the Harp Seal Pub in Badger's Cove , Newfoundland , Canada, eh? I am callin' to tells ya dat we are officially declaring war on ya!"
"Well Archie," Joe replied, "This is indeed important news ! How big is your army ?"
"Right now," said Archie, after a moments calculation "there is myself, me cousin Harold , me next-door-neighbor Mick, and the whole dart team from the pub. That makes eight!"
Joe paused. "I must tell you Archie that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."
"Wow," said Archie. "I'll have ta call ya back!"
The next day, Archie called again. "Mr. O'Biden, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be Archie?" Joe asked.
"Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry's farm tractor."
President O'Biden sighed. "I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke."
"Lord above", said Archie, "I'll be getting back to ya."
Sure enough, Archie rang again the next day..
"President O'Biden, the war is still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up an' modified Harrigan's ultra-light wit a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Legion have joined us as well!"
Joe was silent for a minute then cleared his throat.
"I must tell you Archie that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"
"Jumpins," said Archie, "l'll have ta call youse back."
Sure enough, Archie called again the next day.
"President O'Biden, I am sorry to have to tell you dat we have had to call off dis 'ere war."
"I'm sorry to hear that" said Joe . "Why the sudden change of heart?"
Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and come to realize dat dere's no way we can feed two million prisoners.
President O'Biden was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang.
"Hallo, President O'Biden" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Archie, up 'ere at the Harp Seal Pub in Badger's Cove , Newfoundland , Canada, eh? I am callin' to tells ya dat we are officially declaring war on ya!"
"Well Archie," Joe replied, "This is indeed important news ! How big is your army ?"
"Right now," said Archie, after a moments calculation "there is myself, me cousin Harold , me next-door-neighbor Mick, and the whole dart team from the pub. That makes eight!"
Joe paused. "I must tell you Archie that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."
"Wow," said Archie. "I'll have ta call ya back!"
The next day, Archie called again. "Mr. O'Biden, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be Archie?" Joe asked.
"Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry's farm tractor."
President O'Biden sighed. "I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke."
"Lord above", said Archie, "I'll be getting back to ya."
Sure enough, Archie rang again the next day..
"President O'Biden, the war is still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up an' modified Harrigan's ultra-light wit a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Legion have joined us as well!"
Joe was silent for a minute then cleared his throat.
"I must tell you Archie that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"
"Jumpins," said Archie, "l'll have ta call youse back."
Sure enough, Archie called again the next day.
"President O'Biden, I am sorry to have to tell you dat we have had to call off dis 'ere war."
"I'm sorry to hear that" said Joe . "Why the sudden change of heart?"
Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and come to realize dat dere's no way we can feed two million prisoners.
Bmyers
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Grand L3560 with LA805 loader, EA 55" Wicked Grapple, SBX72 BB, LP 1272 mower
Bmyers
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Grand L3560 with LA805 loader, EA 55" Wicked Grapple, SBX72 BB, LP 1272 mower
Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation. They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. The plane landed and they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals.
The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their “tourist” garb. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a drop dead gorgeous blonde in a bikini came walking straight towards them. They couldn’t help but stare. As the blonde passed them she smiled and said,
“Morning, Father. Morning, Father”, addressing each of them individually. They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests?
The next day, they wore their tourist gear and donned dark glasses. Once again, in their new attire, they settled down in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine. The same beautiful blonde, wearing a different bikini, came walking toward them. Again she nodded to each of them and said,
“Morning, Father ~morning, Father”, and started to walk away. One of the priests couldn’t stand it any longer and said,
“Just a minute, young lady.”
“Yes, Father?”
You are right - we are priests and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world do you know we are priests, dressed as we are?” She replied,
“But Father, it’s me, Sister Kathleen!”
The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their “tourist” garb. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a drop dead gorgeous blonde in a bikini came walking straight towards them. They couldn’t help but stare. As the blonde passed them she smiled and said,
“Morning, Father. Morning, Father”, addressing each of them individually. They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests?
The next day, they wore their tourist gear and donned dark glasses. Once again, in their new attire, they settled down in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine. The same beautiful blonde, wearing a different bikini, came walking toward them. Again she nodded to each of them and said,
“Morning, Father ~morning, Father”, and started to walk away. One of the priests couldn’t stand it any longer and said,
“Just a minute, young lady.”
“Yes, Father?”
You are right - we are priests and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world do you know we are priests, dressed as we are?” She replied,
“But Father, it’s me, Sister Kathleen!”
xrocketengineer
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
BX1880, FEL, Grapple, 36 in. Forks, 48in. MMM, Quick Spade, Ripper
The following subject is for a mature audience that knows how to deal with electronic devices:
THE SEX LIFE OF AN ELECTRON
by Eddy Current
One night when his charge was pretty high, Micro-farad
decided to seek out a cute coil to let him discharge.
He picked up Milli-amp and took her for a ride on his
megacycle. They rode across the Wheatstone Bridge,
around line waves, and stopped in the magnetic field
by a flowing current.
Micro-farad, attracted by Milli-amp’s characteristic curves,
soon had her fully charged and excited, her resistance to
a minimum, He laid her on a ground potential, raised her
frequency and lowered her reluctance.
Pulling out his high voltage probe, he inserted it in her
source, connecting them in parallel, and began short-
circuiting her resistance shunt. Fully excited, Milli-amp
mumbled “Mho, Mho give me Mho”.
With his tube operating at a maximum and her field vibrating
with his current flow, Milli-amp soon reached her saturation
point. The excessive current flow caused her shunt to over
heat and Micro-farad rapidly discharged and drained every
electron. They fluxed all night, trying various connections
and sockets until his magnet had a soft core and lost all of its
field strength.
Afterwards, Milli-amp tried self-induction and damaged
her solenoids. With his plate fully discharged, Micro-farad
was unable to excite his field, so they spent the rest of the
night reversing polarity and blowing each other fuses.
THE SEX LIFE OF AN ELECTRON
by Eddy Current
One night when his charge was pretty high, Micro-farad
decided to seek out a cute coil to let him discharge.
He picked up Milli-amp and took her for a ride on his
megacycle. They rode across the Wheatstone Bridge,
around line waves, and stopped in the magnetic field
by a flowing current.
Micro-farad, attracted by Milli-amp’s characteristic curves,
soon had her fully charged and excited, her resistance to
a minimum, He laid her on a ground potential, raised her
frequency and lowered her reluctance.
Pulling out his high voltage probe, he inserted it in her
source, connecting them in parallel, and began short-
circuiting her resistance shunt. Fully excited, Milli-amp
mumbled “Mho, Mho give me Mho”.
With his tube operating at a maximum and her field vibrating
with his current flow, Milli-amp soon reached her saturation
point. The excessive current flow caused her shunt to over
heat and Micro-farad rapidly discharged and drained every
electron. They fluxed all night, trying various connections
and sockets until his magnet had a soft core and lost all of its
field strength.
Afterwards, Milli-amp tried self-induction and damaged
her solenoids. With his plate fully discharged, Micro-farad
was unable to excite his field, so they spent the rest of the
night reversing polarity and blowing each other fuses.
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $10 million dollars.
His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place.
It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would not have to testify in court.
When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.
The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is!
The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, Where's the money?
Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about." The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you are talking about" The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and says, "Ask him again or I'll kill him!"
The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him."
Guido trembles and signs back, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house.
The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"
The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."
Don't you just love lawyers ? ?
His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place.
It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would not have to testify in court.
When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.
The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is!
The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, Where's the money?
Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about." The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you are talking about" The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and says, "Ask him again or I'll kill him!"
The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him."
Guido trembles and signs back, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house.
The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"
The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."
Don't you just love lawyers ? ?
Bmyers
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Grand L3560 with LA805 loader, EA 55" Wicked Grapple, SBX72 BB, LP 1272 mower
Bmyers
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Grand L3560 with LA805 loader, EA 55" Wicked Grapple, SBX72 BB, LP 1272 mower