Daily Chuckle

[Magicman]

OK we are looking for a new car and I asked the sales guy "does the new car have voice activated cruse control like my old one?" the salesman said "I've never heard of that, does your old car really have that?" I replied "sure it does, everytime I go over the speed limit I hear a female voice that says slow the @&%* down!".

 

[Bmyers]

 

[Magicman]

The only way to have a Saturday afternoon quickie with their 8 year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle, and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.

He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation. 'There's a car being towed from the parking lot,' He shouted. 'An Ambulance just drove by.' 'Looks like the Andersons have company,' He called out. 'Matt's riding a new bike.' 'Looks like the Sanders are moving..' 'Jason is on his skate board.'

After a few moments he announced, 'I think the Coopers are having sex!

Startled, his Mother and Dad shot up in bed! Dad cautiously
Called out, 'How do you know they are having sex?'

'Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle.

 

[i7win7]

A little girl asked her father, "Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with Once Upon A Time?"
He replied, "No, there is a whole series of Fairy Tales that begin with 'If Elected I promise...'"

 

[i7win7]

 

[i7win7]

 

[i7win7]

Looks like a good neighborhood to live in.

 

[ctfjr]

Last night there was an accident and Trump's personal library burnt down.

This is a huge catastrophe because BOTH of his books were lost, and he had only coloured in one of them so far.

 

[Hunters gun]

Smarter than Brandon and BHO combined

 

[Goz63]

Last night there was an accident and Trump's personal library burnt down.

This is a huge catastrophe because BOTH of his books were lost, and he had only coloured in one of them so far.

Wow I thought this was supposed to be for something funny. This along with the communist nanny joke and it’s turning out to be a buzz kill. How about we keep it light. We have already had several threads killed for politics. If you hate capitalism and democracy just keep it to yourself ok? I fought for the right for anyone to say stupid things but how about we do less of a job of displaying that right.

 

[Fordtech86]

Wow I thought this was supposed to be for something funny. This along with the communist nanny joke and it’s turning out to be a buzz kill. How about we keep it light. We have already had several threads killed for politics. If you hate capitalism and democracy just keep it to yourself ok? I fought for the right for anyone to say stupid things but how about we do less of a job of displaying that right.

While I agree, just read it and let it go in this thread. Jumping on someone in this thread isn’t helping either side. Its a joke thread, leave it at that

History has shown there will be plenty of deleted threads to hash this out

 

[Bmyers]

 

[Bmyers]

 

[Bmyers]

 

[Bmyers]

 

[Bmyers]

 

[DaTow'd]

Jack and Jill are getting married. Jacks old man takes him to one side and says "Listen Jack you need to stamp your authority on this relationship.
When I married your mother, on our wedding night I asked her to try on my trousers in the honeymoon suite." This she did and then said "Honey I can't fill these they are far too big for me." "That's right baby" he says "and just remember who wears the trousers in this relationship" Jack thought that this was a very good idea and he would do the same with Jill.

So when they eventually got to the honeymoon suite on their wedding night he turned to Jill and said, " Sweetie try these trousers of mine on". This she did. She then turned to him and said " Darling I can't fit into these they're far too big for me.

"That's right " said Jack "Now just remember who wears the bloody trousers in this relationship."

So Jill thought for a while then turned to him, took off her knickers and said "try these on darling. This he did but only got them up to his knees before telling her, "I can't get into these!". At which point she stood up and said "Aye and if you don't change your bloody attitude you never will!!"

 

[Bmyers]

 

[Bmyers]

 

[Magicman]

Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two Hearts and a Diamond. After a few years, you'll want a Club and a Spade!