I saw some t-shirts today with a saying.------ If I say I will do it. I will do it. No need to remind me every 6 months. ------- I thought growing old would take longer.-------- If I'm ever on life support. Unplug me, then plug me back in and see if that works.------ I don't mean to brag but... I finished my 14 day diet in 3 hours and 12 min.------- Telling a woman to calm down works about as well as baptizing a cat.-------If I woke up in the morning and nothing hurt. I would think I was dead.
Daily Chuckle
- Thread starter skeets
- Start date
And now a few gems from Air Traffic Control:
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Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles ." Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"
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"TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees." "Centre, we are at 35,000 feet . How much noise can we make up here?" "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"
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O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock , three miles, Eastbound." United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this...I've got the little Fokker in sight."
=========================
A DC-10 had come in a little fast and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down. San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."
=========================
One day the pilot of a little Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a big DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?" The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one."
==========================
While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ATC ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!"
Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"
"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.
Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. The tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking,
'Wasn't I married to you once?"
=========================
Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles ." Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"
=========================
"TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees." "Centre, we are at 35,000 feet . How much noise can we make up here?" "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"
=========================
O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock , three miles, Eastbound." United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this...I've got the little Fokker in sight."
=========================
A DC-10 had come in a little fast and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down. San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."
=========================
One day the pilot of a little Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a big DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?" The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one."
==========================
While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ATC ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!"
Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"
"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.
Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. The tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking,
'Wasn't I married to you once?"
Four Pints of Foreign Blood!
Fred, a lifelong white racist living in the Western End of Sydney
is in a major car crash.
When he comes round 3 days later in hospital the surgeon says:
"I've got good news and bad news.....
........the bad news is you have had 2 pints of African blood and
2 pints of Muslim blood"
Fred screams "What the hell is the good news then?"
"Your penis is 6" longer and you are top of the housing list"
Fred, a lifelong white racist living in the Western End of Sydney
is in a major car crash.
When he comes round 3 days later in hospital the surgeon says:
"I've got good news and bad news.....
........the bad news is you have had 2 pints of African blood and
2 pints of Muslim blood"
Fred screams "What the hell is the good news then?"
"Your penis is 6" longer and you are top of the housing list"
Daren Todd
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Massey Ferguson 1825E, Kubota Z121S, Box blade, Rotary Cutter
Newlyme
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M4900 w/loader, finish mower, tiller, auger, rake. BX24 w/loader, backhoe
Is it time for a corny joke....
A man was at the counter at the airport giving the person behind the counter holy hell. Yelling, demanding, and threatening! All the time the attendant was was calm, pleasant, and trying to please. Finally the transaction was completed and the customer stormed off. The next customer was astonished at the level of calm and poise of the customer service agent. When he arrived at the counter he asked he attendant how she did it. How could she remain so calm and professional? She leaned forward and whispered, "It was easy, he's going to Detroit his luggage is going to Thailand."
...... or Truth is funnier than Fiction!
A man was at the counter at the airport giving the person behind the counter holy hell. Yelling, demanding, and threatening! All the time the attendant was was calm, pleasant, and trying to please. Finally the transaction was completed and the customer stormed off. The next customer was astonished at the level of calm and poise of the customer service agent. When he arrived at the counter he asked he attendant how she did it. How could she remain so calm and professional? She leaned forward and whispered, "It was easy, he's going to Detroit his luggage is going to Thailand."
...... or Truth is funnier than Fiction!
shootem604
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Lifetime Member
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L245DT with Kubota (Arps Model 22) FEL and Kubota B/L4520B (Woods 650) BH
My daily laugh is from work today,guy brought his car in Monday,he tried to change to the window motor,it had the old style spring loaded window regulator,says he needs it put back together,doesn’t think the window motor was his problem,so I get a car that has the door in pieces,and broken glass because he broke that too trying get it apart,so I get the car in pieces and broken glass,get everything back together with new glass and original window motor,roll the window down and it won’t go back up beat on the motor and it goes,it does need a window motor,call the guy back to get his approval,he says no just put it back together I’ll put the window motor in it myself,I’m thinking you stupid mfer,that’s why the car is here in the first place
Lil Foot
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1979 B7100DT Gear, Nissan Hanix N150-2 Excavator
Daren Todd
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Massey Ferguson 1825E, Kubota Z121S, Box blade, Rotary Cutter
Daren Todd
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Massey Ferguson 1825E, Kubota Z121S, Box blade, Rotary Cutter
85Hokie
Moderator
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Equipment
BX-25D ,PTB. Under Armor, '90&'92-B7100HST's, '06 BX1850 FEL