Daily Chuckle
- Thread starter skeets
- Start date
NEPA Guy
Member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
B2650HSDC, Spacers, FEL, BH, Snowblower, Snowplow, PBar, Forks
Newlyme
Active member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
M4900 w/loader, finish mower, tiller, auger, rake. BX24 w/loader, backhoe
Q: How do you get a sweet little 80 year old lady to say the F-word?
A: You get another sweet little 80 year old lady to yell Bingo!
A: You get another sweet little 80 year old lady to yell Bingo!
Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump go into a bakery.
As soon as they enter the bakery, Hillary steals three pastries and puts them in her pocket.
She says to Donald, "See how clever I am?
The owner didn't see anything and I don't even need to lie." I will definitely win the election.
The Donald says to Hillary, "That's the
typical dishonesty you have displayed
throughout your entire life, trickery and
deceit. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result."
Donald goes to the owner of the bakery
and says, "Give me a pastry and I will
show you a magic trick." Intrigued, the
owner accepts and gives him a pastry.
Trump swallows it and asks for another
one. The owner gives him another one.
Then Donald asks for a third pastry and
eats that, too.
The owner is starting to wonder where the magic trick is and asks, "What did you do with the pastries?" Trump replies, "Look in Hillary's pocket"
As soon as they enter the bakery, Hillary steals three pastries and puts them in her pocket.
She says to Donald, "See how clever I am?
The owner didn't see anything and I don't even need to lie." I will definitely win the election.
The Donald says to Hillary, "That's the
typical dishonesty you have displayed
throughout your entire life, trickery and
deceit. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result."
Donald goes to the owner of the bakery
and says, "Give me a pastry and I will
show you a magic trick." Intrigued, the
owner accepts and gives him a pastry.
Trump swallows it and asks for another
one. The owner gives him another one.
Then Donald asks for a third pastry and
eats that, too.
The owner is starting to wonder where the magic trick is and asks, "What did you do with the pastries?" Trump replies, "Look in Hillary's pocket"
I walked into a drug store and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman I was speaking with said she was the only pharmacist and since she and her sister owned the store, there were no male employees.
She asked if she could help me. I said that I really would have preferred to speak with a male pharmacist. She assured me that she was completely professional and whatever it was that I needed to discuss, I could be confident that she would treat me with a high level of professionalism.
I reluctantly agreed and began by saying, "As a shy man, this is tough for me to discuss, but here goes. I get erections every day that last more than four hours. This condition causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment. I was wondering what you could give me for it?"
The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll talk to my sister."
When she returned, she said, "We discussed it at length and this is the absolute best we can do:
1/3 ownership in the store,
a company pickup truck,
a king size bed, and
$3,000 a month in living expenses."
She asked if she could help me. I said that I really would have preferred to speak with a male pharmacist. She assured me that she was completely professional and whatever it was that I needed to discuss, I could be confident that she would treat me with a high level of professionalism.
I reluctantly agreed and began by saying, "As a shy man, this is tough for me to discuss, but here goes. I get erections every day that last more than four hours. This condition causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment. I was wondering what you could give me for it?"
The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll talk to my sister."
When she returned, she said, "We discussed it at length and this is the absolute best we can do:
1/3 ownership in the store,
a company pickup truck,
a king size bed, and
$3,000 a month in living expenses."
A lady invites several people over for dinner one day, her daughter was asked to pray before the meal, she said she didn't know what to say, the mother told her to say what she has heard her say before. The little girl said { God, why did I invite all these people over for dinner.}
Daren Todd
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Massey Ferguson 1825E, Kubota Z121S, Box blade, Rotary Cutter
Daren Todd
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Massey Ferguson 1825E, Kubota Z121S, Box blade, Rotary Cutter
The old lady in the pack has it figured out. She is 13. Have a nice meal, go outside for a good dump, come in and snarl at the youngsters to remind them she is still boss and find a soft spot to lay her head. Wise she is.
A car full of Irish nuns is sitting at a traffic light in downtown Dublin, when a bunch of rowdy drunks pull up alongside of them.
"Hey, show us yer tits, ya bloody penguins!" shouts one of the drunks.
Quite shocked, Mother Superior turns to Sister Mary Immaculata and says, "I don't think they know who we are; show them your cross."
Sister Mary Immaculata rolls down her window and shouts, "Piss off, ya fookin' little wankers, before I come over there and rip yer balls off!"
Sister Mary Immaculata then rolls up her window, looks back at Mother Superior, quite innocently, and asks, "Did that sound cross enough?
"Hey, show us yer tits, ya bloody penguins!" shouts one of the drunks.
Quite shocked, Mother Superior turns to Sister Mary Immaculata and says, "I don't think they know who we are; show them your cross."
Sister Mary Immaculata rolls down her window and shouts, "Piss off, ya fookin' little wankers, before I come over there and rip yer balls off!"
Sister Mary Immaculata then rolls up her window, looks back at Mother Superior, quite innocently, and asks, "Did that sound cross enough?
Daren Todd
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Massey Ferguson 1825E, Kubota Z121S, Box blade, Rotary Cutter
A five year old boy comes to visit his grandparents and notices his grandfather sitting on the porch, in the rocker, wearing only a shirt, naked from the waist down."Grandpa, whatcha' doing? You're weenie's out and everybody can see!" he exclaimed.
Grandpa looked off in the distance, not answering.
"Grandpa, whatcha' doin' sitting out here with no pants on?" he asked again.
Grandpa looked at him and said, "Son, last week I sat here with no shirt on,Just watching the cars go by.... and I got a stiff neck.This is your Grandma's idea."
Grandpa looked off in the distance, not answering.
"Grandpa, whatcha' doin' sitting out here with no pants on?" he asked again.
Grandpa looked at him and said, "Son, last week I sat here with no shirt on,Just watching the cars go by.... and I got a stiff neck.This is your Grandma's idea."
Daren Todd
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Massey Ferguson 1825E, Kubota Z121S, Box blade, Rotary Cutter
Newlyme
Active member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
M4900 w/loader, finish mower, tiller, auger, rake. BX24 w/loader, backhoe
Daren Todd
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Massey Ferguson 1825E, Kubota Z121S, Box blade, Rotary Cutter