Daily Chuckle

Magicman

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M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
Oct 8, 2019
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Brookhaven, MS
knotholesawmill.com
A man was watching TV and enjoying his tea.
"Don't go," he yelled at the screen. "Do not enter that building. Walk away.
Argh, you stupid man!"
His wife called from the kitchen, "What on earth are you watching?" "Our wedding video."
 
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Magicman

Well-known member
Lifetime Member

Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
Oct 8, 2019
5,543
7,699
113
81
Brookhaven, MS
knotholesawmill.com
Arguing with the wife is a lot like trying to read the Terms of Use on the Internet.
In the end you just give up and go "I Agree".
 
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Magicman

Well-known member
Lifetime Member

Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
Oct 8, 2019
5,543
7,699
113
81
Brookhaven, MS
knotholesawmill.com
Paddy and Shane are two Irishmen working at the local sawmill. One day, Shane slips and his arm gets caught and severed by the big bench saw. Paddy quickly puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Shane to the local hospital.

Next day, Paddy goes to the hospital and asks after Shane. The nurse says, “Oh he’s out in rehab exercising.” Paddy couldn’t believe it, but there’s Shane out the back exercising his now re-attached arm. The very next day he’s back at work in the saw mill.
A couple of days go by, and then Shane slips and severs his leg on another bloody big saw. So Paddy puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Shane off to the hospital.

Next day he calls in to see him and asks the nurse how he is. The nurse replies, “He’s out in the rehab again exercising.” And sure enough, there’s Shane out there doing some serious work on the treadmill. And very soon Shane comes back to work.
But, as usual, within a couple of days he has another accident and severs his head. Wearily Paddy puts the head in a plastic bag and transports it and Shane to the hospital.
Next day he goes in and asks the nurse how Shane is. The nurse breaks down and cries and says, “He’s dead.”

Paddy is shocked, but not surprised. “I suppose the saw finally did him in.”

“No”, says the nurse, “Some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated.”
 
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DaTow'd

Active member

Equipment
what ever it takes to get the job done
Aug 13, 2013
210
194
43
Bella Coma BC Canada
wo couples were playing poker one evening.

Paddy accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Mick's wife, Sue, wasn't wearing any underwear. Shocked by this, Paddy upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.
Later, Paddy went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Mick's wife, Sue, followed and asked, 'Did you see anything that you like under there?'
Surprised by her boldness, Paddy admitted that he did.
Sue said, 'Well, you can have it but it will cost you $250.'
Paddy confirmed that he is very interested. Sue told him that since her husband Mick played golf Friday afternoons and Paddy didn't, Paddy should be at her house around 2 p.m. Friday afternoon.
When Friday rolled around, Paddy showed up at Mick's house at 2 p.m. sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum, they went to the bedroom, and Sue gave him an extremely great time. Paddy quickly dressed and left.

As usual, Mick came home from golf at 6 p.m. and upon arriving, asked his wife: 'Did Paddy come by the house this afternoon?'
With a lump in her throat Sue answered, 'Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon.' Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked "Did he give you $250?
Sue, using her best poker face, replied, 'Well, yes, in fact he did.'

Mick, with a satisfied look on his face, continued, 'Good. He came by the golf club this morning and borrowed $250 from me. He promised he'd stop by this afternoon and pay it back.'


And that is how to play poker.
 
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