Daily Chuckle

ShaunRH

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I dunno, mounting a cool repeating nerf gun on my L3200 ROPS top in a mini turret would be kind of fun to play with....



Nail some squirrels, the kid if he gets too close, my neighbors as I drive by mowing... hmmm... fun! :D
 

ShaunRH

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I don't want to be a judge, I'm lousy at it.
So if I get one complaint from anyone on a post it's gone, and if I feel it's too "over the top", the poster will get a warning and trust me, warnings are not good!!!! ;) :cool:
Yeah, as a Board owner and moderator for years, I understand this completely. We all kind of gather around together due to mutual interest in Kubota's but becoming friends, there's a tendency to share stuff that really isn't board friendly. Yahoo used to have 'groups' for this purpose and they could be controlled, but even they got out of hand.

Someone could start up a blog page and links here could re-direct there if anyone really wants to keep the NSFW thread going.
 

ShaunBlake

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I don't want to be a judge, I'm lousy at it.
So if I get one complaint from anyone on a post it's gone, and if I feel it's too "over the top", the poster will get a warning and trust me, warnings are not good!!!! ;) :cool:
...

Someone could start up a blog page and links here could re-direct there if anyone really wants to keep the NSFW thread going.
Nah. I'm sure I'm in a very small minority of folks who don't care that NSFW went away; I realize that I spend far more time reading posts that are totally unrelated to my core concerns or needs. I'm just disappointed that it just "was disappeared" without any notification or information.

This conversation has helped me to recognize that I've been pretty careless with my time, and to re-focus my focus. <wry smile> For as long as my memory supports that endeavor, that is. :D :D :D
 

ShaunRH

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It was notified in the sticky where it went... at least I recall reading that.

It's nothing new, happens on boards all the time. I was just putting the suggestion out there if someone really wanted to continue the thread.
 

Daren Todd

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Let's get back to some jokes :D:D

An Irishman wants a job, but the boss won't hire him until he passes a little math test.

"Here is your first question," the boss said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."

"Without numbers?" the Irishman says, "Dats easy." And proceeds to draw three trees.

"What's this?" the boss asks.

"Tree and tree, plus tree makes 9," says the man.

"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."

The man stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree... "Ere ye go."

The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"

"Each of them trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, plus dirty tree. Dat makes 99."

The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire the guy, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100."

The man stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere ye go. One hundred."

The boss looks at the attempt and says, "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!"

The man leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and whispers, "A little dog came along and pooped by each tree...so now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which makes one hundred!"
 

Daren Todd

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I bumped into an old school friend at the store today. He started showing off, talking about his well paid job and expensive sports cars.

Then he pulled out his phone and showed me a photo of his wife and said, "She's beautiful, isn't she?"

I said, "If you think she's gorgeous, you should see my girlfriend."

He said, "Why? Is she a stunner?"

I said, "No, she's an optometrist!!"
 

Daren Todd

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Two little boys stole a big bag of oranges from a neighbor. They decided to go to a quiet place to share the lot equally.

One of them suggested the nearby cemetery.

As they were jumping over the gate to enter the cemetery, two oranges fell out of the big bag but they didn't bother to pick them since they had enough in the bag.

A few minutes later, a drunk man on his way home from a bar passed near the cemetery gate and heard a voice saying: "One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you."

He immediately sobered up and ran as fast as he could to a church nearby.

"Father, please come with me. Come and witness God and Satan sharing corpses at the cemetery."

They both ran back to the cemetery gate and the voice continued: "One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you."

Suddenly, the voice stopped counting and said: "What about the two at the gate?"
 

Daren Todd

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A pastor concluded that his church was getting into very serious financial troubles While checking the church storeroom, he discovered several cartons of new bibles that had never been opened and distributed.

So at his Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the congregation who would be willing to sell the bibles door-to-door for $10 each to raise the desperately needed money for the church.

Jack, Paul and Louie all raised their hands to volunteer for the task.

The minister knew that Jack and Paul earned their living as salesmen and were likely capable of selling some bibles. But he had serious doubts about Louie who was a local farmer, who had always kept to himself because he was embarrassed by his speech impediment. Poor Louie stuttered badly. But, NOT WANTING TO discourage Louie, the minister decided to let him try anyway.

He sent the three of them away with the back seat of their cars stacked with bibles. He asked them to meet with him and report the results of their door-to-door selling efforts the following Sunday.

Anxious to find out how successful they were, the minister immediately asked Jack, "Well, Jack, how did you make out selling our bibles last week?"

Proudly handing the reverend an envelope, Jack replied, "Using my sales prowess, I was able to sell 20 bibles, and here's the $200 I collected on behalf of the church."

"Fine job, Jack!", the minister said, vigorously shaking his hand.
"You are indeed a fine salesman and the Church is indebted to you."
Turning to Paul, "And Paul, how many bibles did you sell for the
Church last week?"

Paul, smiling and sticking out his chest, confidently replied, "I am a professional salesman.. I sold 28 bibles on behalf of the church, and here's $280 I collected."

The minister responded, "That's absolutely splendid, Paul. You are truly a professional salesman and the church is indebted to you."

Apprehensively, the minister turned to Louie and said, "And Louie, did you manage to sell any bibles last week?" Louie silently offered the minister a large envelope. The minister opened it and counted the contents. "What is this?. Louie, there's $3200 in here! Are you suggesting that you sold 320 bibles for the church, door to door, in just one week?"

Louie just nodded. That's impossible!" both Jack and Paul said in unison. "We are professional salesmen, yet you claim to have sold 10 times as many bibles as we could."

"Yes, this does seem unlikely," the minister! agreed. "I think you'd better explain how you managed to accomplish this, Louie."

Louie shrugged. "I-I-I re-re-really do-do-don't kn-kn-know f-f-f-for sh-sh-sh-sure," he stammered.

Impatiently, Peter interrupted. "For crying out loud, Louie, just tell us what you said to them when they answered the door!"

"A-a-a-all I-I-I s-s-said wa-wa-was," Louis replied,
"W-w-w-w-would y-y-y-you l-l-l-l-l-like t-t-to b-b-b-buy th-th-th-this b-b-b-b-bible f-f-for t-t-ten b-b-b-bucks ------o-o-o-or-------- wo-wo-would yo-you j-j-j-just l-like m-m-me t-t-to st-st-stand h-h-here and r-r-r-r-r-read it t-to y-y-you??"
 

Daren Todd

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A new pastor was visiting the homes of his parishioners.

At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door.

When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, Genesis 3:10."

Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter.

Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock." Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid, for I was naked."
 

Daren Todd

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Have you ever wondered?
Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?

Why are you IN a movie, but you are ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
 

85Hokie

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Corney

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Subject: A Newfoundland Vasectomy

After having their 11th child, a Newfoundland couple decided that was
enough, as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to
his doctor/veterinarian and told him that he and his wife/cousin didn't
want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that
could fix the problem but that it was expensive. A less costly
alternative, said the doctor, was to go home, get a firecracker, light it,
put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

The Newfie said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man in the
world, but I don't see how putting a firecracker in a beer can next to
my ear is going to help me."

"Trust me," said the doctor. So the man went home, lit a
firecracker and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and
began to count:

"1"
"2"
"3"
"4"
"5"

at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs, and
resumed counting on his other hand.

This procedure also works in Quebec and some parts of Saskatchewan .
 
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Diydave

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Subject: A Newfoundland Vasectomy

After having their 11th child, a Newfoundland couple decided that was
enough, as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to
his doctor/veterinarian and told him that he and his wife/cousin didn't
want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that
could fix the problem but that it was expensive. A less costly
alternative, said the doctor, was to go home, get a firecracker, light it,
put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

The Newfie said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man in the
world, but I don't see how putting a firecracker in a beer can next to
my ear is going to help me."

"Trust me," said the doctor. So the man went home, lit a
firecracker and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and
began to count:

"1"
"2"
"3"
"4"
"5"

at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs, and
resumed counting on his other hand.

This procedure also works in Quebec and some parts of Saskatchewan .
And in west by god virginny...:D:D