Daily Chuckle

[Daren Todd]

 

[Daren Todd]

 

[Magicman]

I doubt that there is anyone there that can read.

 

[Bmyers]

 

[i7win7]

Got the camper prepped for high water

 

[MOOTS]

 

[i7win7]

Didn't get enough snow for a snowman

 

[i7win7]

 

[MOOTS]

 

[Magicman]

Supply alternate meanings for common words:

1. Coffee, n.. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. Lymph, v.. To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

 

[i7win7]

 

[i7win7]

 

[hope to float]

View attachment 73479
How long would it take and what would be involved in getting your car back in service after this? Would there be any damage?

 

[dirtydeed]

First year in office commemorative stamp:

 

[Newlyme]

#1 Depends how far above 32 degrees it is.
#1B Opening the door and starting it.
#2. Only if you didn’t follow rule #1!

I’m thinking you don’t live in a cold climate.

 

[D2Cat]

 

[sheepfarmer]

 

[sheepfarmer]

 

[Magicman]

To Build a Fire:

1. Split dead limb into fragments and shave one fragment into slivers.
2. Bandage left thumb.
3. Chop other fragments into smaller fragments.
4. Bandage left foot.
5. Make structure of slivers (include those embedded in hand.)
6. Light Match
7. Light Match
8. Repeat "a Scout is cheerful" and light match.
9. Apply match to slivers, add wood fragments, and blow gently into base of fire.
10. Apply burn ointment to nose.
11. When fire is burning, collect more wood.
12. Upon discovering that fire has gone out while out searching for
more wood, soak wood from can labeled "kerosene."
13. Treat face and arms for second-degree burns.
14. Re-label can to read "gasoline."
15. When fire is burning well, add all remaining firewood.
16. When thunder storm has passed, repeat steps.

 

[NCL4701]

To Build a Fire:

1. Split dead limb into fragments and shave one fragment into slivers.
2. Bandage left thumb.
3. Chop other fragments into smaller fragments.
4. Bandage left foot.
5. Make structure of slivers (include those embedded in hand.)
6. Light Match
7. Light Match
8. Repeat "a Scout is cheerful" and light match.
9. Apply match to slivers, add wood fragments, and blow gently into base of fire.
10. Apply burn ointment to nose.
11. When fire is burning, collect more wood.
12. Upon discovering that fire has gone out while out searching for
more wood, soak wood from can labeled "kerosene."
13. Treat face and arms for second-degree burns.
14. Re-label can to read "gasoline."
15. When fire is burning well, add all remaining firewood.
16. When thunder storm has passed, repeat steps.

Reminds me my wife and I were watching Survivor while the contestants were struggling to start a fire with a flint and coconut husk shavings. Wife said she bet I could do a lot better than them as many fires as we use for heat, etc. Told her yeah, via my normal method with a bath sheet size towel soaked in a half gallon of diesel and a long nose lighter I could kick their butts without breaking a sweat.