Daily Chuckle

[Daren Todd]

 

[i7win7]

Mama told me to avoid fast women. Think I found a slow one.

 

[Magicman]

As I've Matured...

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in...

I've learned that one good turn gets most of the blankets.

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just jackasses.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I've learned that whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.

I've learned that depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

I've learned that it is not what you wear; it is how you take it off.

I've learned to not sweat the petty things, and not pet the sweaty things.

I've learned that ex's are like fungus, and keep coming back.

I've learned age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

I've learned that I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy it.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities..

I've learned that artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

I've learned that 99% of the time when something isn't working in your house, one of your kids did it....or pets!

I've learned that there is a fine line between genius and insanity.

I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away. And the real pains in the tush are permanent.

 

[Bmyers]

 

[i7win7]

Give me 40 ackers and I'll
turn this rig around
It's the easiest way
that I've found

 

[Magicman]

Ground clearance looks good but it wouldn't work too well for me 'cause I gotta have mud grips.

 

[Magicman]

This automobile shortage due to computer chips reminds me of a joke about buying a car in Russia:

Seems a man had worked hard and was diligent with his savings and could finally afford to buy a car. He went to the dealership and bought a car. The dealer told him it would be delivered two years from next Tuesday. The buyer asked if it would be morning or afternoon for the delivery. The dealer asked why it mattered. The buyer said, "because the plumber is coming that morning."

 

[skeets]

 

[Bmyers]

 

[Orangeglow]

A Mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a 426 Hemi when he spotted a well-known cardiac surgeon in his shop.
The surgeon was there waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his car when the mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?"
The cardiac surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I opened its heart, took the valves out, repaired or replaced anything damaged, and then put everything back in, and when I finished, it worked just like new.
So how is it that I make $48,000 a year and you make $1.7M when you and I are doing basically the same work?”
The cardiac surgeon paused, leaned over and whispered to the mechanic.....
“Let me know when you can do that, with the engine running."

 

[Fordtech86]

 

[Fordtech86]

 

[Magicman]

HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM WHEN ON A BUDGET :

1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with several empty beer cans, a copy of Guns & Ammo magazine and several NRA magazines.

3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.

4. Leave a note on your door that reads: 'Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke, Slim, and I went to the gun shop for more ammunition. Back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls -- they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it but it was hard to tell from all the blood.

P S - I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside.'

INSTALLATION COMPLETE!!!!

Redneck Security Company

 

[D2Cat]

 

[OrangeKrush]

Me new tool box!

Easy to twist off lid and our Kubota Orange can take a beating! Simple install.. no tools required, gorilla tape included!

 

[Bmyers]

Me new tool box!
View attachment 58494 View attachment 58495 Easy to twist off lid and our Kubota Orange can take a beating! Simple install.. no tools required, gorilla tape included!

I wasn't sure if that was a new toolbox or a millennial snack box.

 

[85Hokie]

I say fill it with beer and add a straw ....... of course, cannot drink and operate!!!
when the work is done - sit in the seat and suck away!!!

 

[OrangeKrush]

Now if I was to really have something like this., now I would have to get two because both ideas make sense!

 

[bmblank]

I say fill it with beer and add a straw ....... of course, cannot drink and operate!!!
when the work is done - sit in the seat and suck away!!!

Put it up high and you won't even need to suck. Just get the siphon going.

 

[Daren Todd]