Daily Chuckle

[bucktail]

When a dog sees a Police Dog do they think, "Uh oh, it's the Cops!"

Doubt it. Probably trying to get a sniff of it's hind end.

 

[skeets]

My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him.
Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy. He is a web designer.

 

[Fordtech86]

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[Daren Todd]

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They would make a killing

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[Magicman]

That is actually a scam because Costco does not have that much TP.

 

[DustyRusty]

I was in Costco on Sunday, and they had a wall 30' high, and about 3 pallet racks deep, with TP. Looked like multiple trailer loads. I can't ever remember ever seeing that much in one store.

 

[sheepfarmer]

My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him.
Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy. He is a web designer.

LOL on that one!

 

[seanbarr]

My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him.

Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy. He is a web designer.

Most people are nonviolent until they see a spider. Then they turn into Al Capone, and “I want him DEAD”, “I want his family DEAD”, “I want his home burned down to the GROUND!”


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[Daren Todd]

[emoji14] [emoji14]

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[dirtydeed]

Finally, the guys' side of the story. We always hear 'the rules' from the female side

Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered '1 ' ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched...We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as hunting, fishing, golfing, or something with wheels.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight. But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

 

[D2Cat]

Daren, a few years back a large mess of Cat Tails was growing in a ditch that blocked view to pull out onto a blacktop road. I cut them off with a weed eater, and a guy went by, stopped and backed up and told me he was going to turn me in. Apparently they are protected by some wetland legislation.

I cut them off, sprayed them with a mixture of chem. Never heard from who ever he complained to, and they didn't grow back.

They do look like they'd be good with some mustard!

 

[BigG]

Those are not corn dogs they are dog turds with handles, so they are easier to pick up.

 

[North Idaho Wolfman]

When I was a kid we used to take cattails and cut them off and soak them in gasoline, and then shoot them with bows, made burning ditch rows a blast...

There might or might not have been a few rounds of cowboys and indians played with those too, it hurt to get popped with a daisy one pump bb rifle, but it was really bad getting hit with a cattail... no we didn't light those on fire first!

 

[skeets]

You do know you can eat the tubers on cat tails.

 

[bearbait]

You do know you can eat the tubers on cat tails.

Far more manly to have one hanging out of your drink than an umbrella skeets my friend.

 

[Newlyme]

[emoji14] [emoji14]

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HOLD THE MUSTARD!

With the toilet paper shortage going on there may be an opportunity here.

 

[Daren Todd]

HOLD THE MUSTARD!



With the toilet paper shortage going on there may be an opportunity here.

The new pet rock [emoji14]

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[Daren Todd]

They have a point!!!

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[bearbait]

They have a point!!!

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Nahhhh, we just expecting company

 

[GeoHorn]

Finally, the guys' side of the story. We always hear 'the rules' from the female side

Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered '1 ' ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched...We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as hunting, fishing, golfing, or something with wheels.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight. But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

For men trying to get along with women... the rules are so complicated and numerous it bogs the mind.

Women have it easy. To get along with a man it’s very simple.

Show up naked.
Bring food.