Daily Chuckle

[orange crusher]

 

[orange crusher]

 

[orange crusher]

 

[Bmyers]

 

[Bmyers]

 

[Bmyers]

 

[Bmyers]

 

[Magicman]

SEX AFTER DEATH

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the sex after death.

Their biggest fear was that there was no after-life at all.

After a long life together, the husband was the first to die.

True to his word, he made the first contact:
"Judy..........Judy"

"Is that you, George?"

"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."

"That's wonderful!? What's it like?"

"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course.

I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times.

Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to golf course again.

Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much-needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again"

"Oh, George..are you in Heaven?"

"No...........I'm a rabbit in Kansas .."

 

[i7win7]

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you doing there, Nancy?"

"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully without looking up, "and I've just buried him."

The neighbor was very concerned. "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

Nancy patted down the last heap of dirt then replied, "That's because he's inside your fricking cat."

 

[dlsmith]

View attachment 68028

I do believe that's an old nail head Buick engine.

 

[Old_Paint]

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you doing there, Nancy?"

"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully without looking up, "and I've just buried him."

The neighbor was very concerned. "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

Nancy patted down the last heap of dirt then replied, "That's because he's inside your fricking cat."

I found someone's dead cat's footprints on my new car one time.

 

[orange crusher]

 

[orange crusher]

 

[Bmyers]

 

[Bmyers]

 

[Bmyers]

 

[Bmyers]

 

[Magicman]

Learn from your elders

A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight..

The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easy.

So the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game.

The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists saying that the game is a lot of fun. I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5. Then you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500, he says.
This catches the senior's attention and to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. 'What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon?'

The senior doesn't say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

Now it's the senior's turn. He asks the lawyer, 'What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?'

The lawyer uses his laptop and searches all references he could find on the Net.

He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail. After an hour of searching, he finally gives up.

He wakes the senior and hands him $500. The senior pockets the $500 and goes right back to sleep.
The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the senior up and asks, 'Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?'

The senior reaches into his pocket, hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to sleep.

 

[Magicman]

"Never approach a Bull from the front, a Horse from the rear- nor a Fool from any direction..."

 

[Bmyers]