Daren Todd
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Lifetime Member
Equipment
Massey Ferguson 1825E, Kubota Z121S, Box blade, Rotary Cutter
Daily Chuckle
- Thread starter skeets
- Start date
i7win7
Well-known member
Equipment
BX2370, B2650 grapple, tree puller, trailer mover, 3 point hoist, mower, tiller
Magicman
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
An elderly man in Georgia had owned a large farm for several years.
He had a beautiful large pond at the back of the property next to the
road, and he'd fixed it up real nice with picnic tables, horseshoe pits,
and he'd planted some nice flowers and fruit trees next to the pond.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond to look it
over, as he hadn't been down there for a while.
He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard splashing and female voices shouting and
laughing with glee.
As he came closer he saw that 5 young women had parked their car at the
side of the road, climbed the fence and were skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went hurriedly
splashing to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, 'We're naked and we're not coming out
until you leave!'
The old man frowned and yelled back, 'I didn't come down here to watch
you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond.'
Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm just here to feed the
alligator'.
He had a beautiful large pond at the back of the property next to the
road, and he'd fixed it up real nice with picnic tables, horseshoe pits,
and he'd planted some nice flowers and fruit trees next to the pond.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond to look it
over, as he hadn't been down there for a while.
He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard splashing and female voices shouting and
laughing with glee.
As he came closer he saw that 5 young women had parked their car at the
side of the road, climbed the fence and were skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went hurriedly
splashing to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, 'We're naked and we're not coming out
until you leave!'
The old man frowned and yelled back, 'I didn't come down here to watch
you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond.'
Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm just here to feed the
alligator'.
Magicman
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
Don't expect me to stop if you are on the side of the road with your hood up because I know that you have been offered and refused extended warranty on that vehicle many times.
BigG
Well-known member
Equipment
l2501, FEL, BB, Rotary cutter, rake,spreader, roller, etc. New Holland TL80 A
That is not true. When they ask me "How many miles on your pick up?" and I say 350,000 they hang up on me.
Magicman
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
Lil Foot
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Lifetime Member
Equipment
1979 B7100DT Gear, Nissan Hanix N150-2 Excavator
They are to me, and I've only got 205,000 on mine.So you are saying that they are also rude?
i7win7
Well-known member
Equipment
BX2370, B2650 grapple, tree puller, trailer mover, 3 point hoist, mower, tiller
Thats when Im ready to buy
my latest daily driver is 190k (and thats only because I bought the wife a new ride, its her retired daily) and my truck at 230k (bought with 180k ish)
Magicman
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a business card and wrote 'Revelation 3:20' on the back of it and stuck it in the door. When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, 'Genesis 3:10.' Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter. Revelation 3:20 begins 'Behold, I stand at the door and knock.' Genesis 3:10 reads, 'I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked.'
Magicman
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
A blond, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire herself out as a "handywoman" and started canvassing the neighborhoods. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said. "How much will you charge me?"
The blond quickly responded, "How about $50?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need was in the garage. The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize
that our porch goes all the way around the house?"
He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"
The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blond jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately."
A short time later, the blond handywoman came to the door to collect her money.
"You finished already?" the husband asked.
"Yes," the blond replied, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats - no extra charge."
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her.
"And by the way," the blond added, "it's not a Porch -- it's a Lexus."
"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said. "How much will you charge me?"
The blond quickly responded, "How about $50?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need was in the garage. The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize
that our porch goes all the way around the house?"
He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"
The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blond jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately."
A short time later, the blond handywoman came to the door to collect her money.
"You finished already?" the husband asked.
"Yes," the blond replied, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats - no extra charge."
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her.
"And by the way," the blond added, "it's not a Porch -- it's a Lexus."
Bmyers
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Grand L3560 with LA805 loader, EA 55" Wicked Grapple, SBX72 BB, LP 1272 mower
i7win7
Well-known member
Equipment
BX2370, B2650 grapple, tree puller, trailer mover, 3 point hoist, mower, tiller
Bmyers
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Grand L3560 with LA805 loader, EA 55" Wicked Grapple, SBX72 BB, LP 1272 mower
Bmyers
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Grand L3560 with LA805 loader, EA 55" Wicked Grapple, SBX72 BB, LP 1272 mower
Bmyers
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Grand L3560 with LA805 loader, EA 55" Wicked Grapple, SBX72 BB, LP 1272 mower
Magicman
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.
The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin.
Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including:
Mrs. Butterworth,
Hungry Jack,
the California Raisins,
Betty Crocker,
the Hostess Twinkies,
Little Debbie, and
Captain Crunch.
The grave site was piled high with flours.
Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times he was still a crusty old man and was considered a roll model for millions.
Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough; two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly dad, Pop Tart.
The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin.
Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including:
Mrs. Butterworth,
Hungry Jack,
the California Raisins,
Betty Crocker,
the Hostess Twinkies,
Little Debbie, and
Captain Crunch.
The grave site was piled high with flours.
Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times he was still a crusty old man and was considered a roll model for millions.
Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough; two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly dad, Pop Tart.
The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.