Daren Todd
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Daily Chuckle
- Thread starter skeets
- Start date
A preacher was making his rounds to his church members on his bicycle, when he came upon a little boy trying to sell a lawn mower. "How much do you want for the mower?" asked the preacher. "I just want enough money to go out and buy me a bicycle," said the little boy.
After a moment of consideration, the preacher asked, "Will you take my bike in trade for it?" The little boy asked if he could try it out first, and, after riding the bike around a little while, said, "Mister, you've got yourself a deal." The preacher took the mower home.
The next day when he decides to mow the lawn he proceeds to crank it. He pulled on the rope over and over with no response from the mower. The preacher called the little boy over and said, "I can't get this mower to start." The little boy said, "That's because you have to cuss at it to get it started." The preacher said, I'm a preacher, and I can't cuss. It's been so long since I've been saved that I don't even remember how to cuss."
The little boy looked at him happily and said, "You just keep pulling on that rope. It'll come back to ya!"
After a moment of consideration, the preacher asked, "Will you take my bike in trade for it?" The little boy asked if he could try it out first, and, after riding the bike around a little while, said, "Mister, you've got yourself a deal." The preacher took the mower home.
The next day when he decides to mow the lawn he proceeds to crank it. He pulled on the rope over and over with no response from the mower. The preacher called the little boy over and said, "I can't get this mower to start." The little boy said, "That's because you have to cuss at it to get it started." The preacher said, I'm a preacher, and I can't cuss. It's been so long since I've been saved that I don't even remember how to cuss."
The little boy looked at him happily and said, "You just keep pulling on that rope. It'll come back to ya!"
A buxom young lady decides to go for a swim in the ocean, so she wades in and is hit by a huge wave, tearing off her bikini top and washing it out to sea. She tries to cover herself up with her hands and arms and heads back to shore. Just as she walking is out of the water and heading for her beach towel and clothes, a little boy comes up to her and says, "Hey lady, if you're going to drown those puppies, I'll take the one with the brown nose."
Paraphrased from WLS Animal Stories, circa 1970, as told by Larry Lujack.
Paraphrased from WLS Animal Stories, circa 1970, as told by Larry Lujack.
Lil Foot
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1979 B7100DT Gear, Nissan Hanix N150-2 Excavator
An older married couple is on vacation in Israel when the woman unexpectedly dies.
Officials tell the husband he can take her back to the States for burial for $3500, or she can be buried here for free. The husband says he would rather pay the $3500 and take her home. Confused, the official asks why. The husband says "Well, 2000 years ago, you put a guy in the ground here and 3 days later he was back. I can't take that chance."
Officials tell the husband he can take her back to the States for burial for $3500, or she can be buried here for free. The husband says he would rather pay the $3500 and take her home. Confused, the official asks why. The husband says "Well, 2000 years ago, you put a guy in the ground here and 3 days later he was back. I can't take that chance."
Daren Todd
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Massey Ferguson 1825E, Kubota Z121S, Box blade, Rotary Cutter
Daren Todd
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Massey Ferguson 1825E, Kubota Z121S, Box blade, Rotary Cutter
Daren Todd
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Massey Ferguson 1825E, Kubota Z121S, Box blade, Rotary Cutter
North Idaho Wolfman
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A cnn reporter walks into a neighborhood tavern and is about to order a drink when he sees a guy at the end of the bar wearing a "make america great again" hat. It didn't take an einstein to know the guy was a donald trump supporter.
The cnn guy shouts over to the bartender, loudly enough that everyone in the bar could hear, "drinks for everyone in here, bartender, except for that trump supporter."
after the drinks were handed out the trump guy gives the cnn guy a big smile, waves at him and says, in an equally loud voice, "thank you!"
this infuriates the cnn reporter. So he once again loudly orders drinks for everyone except the guy wearing the trump hat. As before, this doesn't seem to bother the trump guy. He just continues to smile and again yells, "thank you!"
so the cnn guy again loudly orders drinks for everyone except the trump guy. And again the trump guy just smiles and yells back, "thank you!"
at that point the aggravated cnn reporter asks the bartender, "what the hell is the matter with that trump supporter? I've ordered three rounds of drinks for everyone in the bar but him and all the silly ass does is smile and thank me. Is he nuts?"
"nope," replies the bartender. "he owns the place."
The cnn guy shouts over to the bartender, loudly enough that everyone in the bar could hear, "drinks for everyone in here, bartender, except for that trump supporter."
after the drinks were handed out the trump guy gives the cnn guy a big smile, waves at him and says, in an equally loud voice, "thank you!"
this infuriates the cnn reporter. So he once again loudly orders drinks for everyone except the guy wearing the trump hat. As before, this doesn't seem to bother the trump guy. He just continues to smile and again yells, "thank you!"
so the cnn guy again loudly orders drinks for everyone except the trump guy. And again the trump guy just smiles and yells back, "thank you!"
at that point the aggravated cnn reporter asks the bartender, "what the hell is the matter with that trump supporter? I've ordered three rounds of drinks for everyone in the bar but him and all the silly ass does is smile and thank me. Is he nuts?"
"nope," replies the bartender. "he owns the place."
Daren Todd
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Massey Ferguson 1825E, Kubota Z121S, Box blade, Rotary Cutter
Daren Todd
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Massey Ferguson 1825E, Kubota Z121S, Box blade, Rotary Cutter
Laughed out loud at that oneThis is pretty accurate
Sent from my SM-G920V using Tapatalk
The flood of Trump-fearing American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified beginning early yesterday morning.
Trump’s victory is prompting an exodus among left-leaning Americans
who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, pay taxes, and live according to the Constitution.
Canadian border residents say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, liberal arts majors, global-warming activists, and "green" energy proponents crossing their fields at night.
"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said southern Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. "He was cold, exhausted and hungry, and begged me for a latte and some free-range chicken.
In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields, but they just stuck their fingers in their ears and kept coming. Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals just south of the border, pack them into electric cars, and drive them across the border, where they are simply left to fend for themselves after the battery dies.
"A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions," an Alberta border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a single bottle of Perrier water, or any gemelli with shrimp and arugula. All they had was a little Napa Valley cabernet and some kale chips. When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing that they fear persecution from Trump high-hairers.
Rumors are circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer, study the Constitution, and find jobs that actually contribute to the economy.
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage, are buying up all the Barbara Streisand CD's, and are overloading the internet while downloading jazzercise apps to their cell phones.
"I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "After all, how many art-history majors does one country need?"
Trump’s victory is prompting an exodus among left-leaning Americans
who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, pay taxes, and live according to the Constitution.
Canadian border residents say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, liberal arts majors, global-warming activists, and "green" energy proponents crossing their fields at night.
"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said southern Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. "He was cold, exhausted and hungry, and begged me for a latte and some free-range chicken.
In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields, but they just stuck their fingers in their ears and kept coming. Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals just south of the border, pack them into electric cars, and drive them across the border, where they are simply left to fend for themselves after the battery dies.
"A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions," an Alberta border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a single bottle of Perrier water, or any gemelli with shrimp and arugula. All they had was a little Napa Valley cabernet and some kale chips. When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing that they fear persecution from Trump high-hairers.
Rumors are circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer, study the Constitution, and find jobs that actually contribute to the economy.
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage, are buying up all the Barbara Streisand CD's, and are overloading the internet while downloading jazzercise apps to their cell phones.
"I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "After all, how many art-history majors does one country need?"