Daily Chuckle

85Hokie

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Bedford - VA
Old Biker: I went to a bar last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table. I said, "Great legs."

The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so? "

I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now
Good one skeets!.....thanks - I needed a good laugh this AM - I think with all this moon business, someone stole about 8 hours from this past weekend!!! ME ars is draggin' - I needed a jump start ! :)
 

Daren Todd

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Massey Ferguson 1825E, Kubota Z121S, Box blade, Rotary Cutter
May 18, 2014
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Vilonia, Arkansas
Good one skeets!.....thanks - I needed a good laugh this AM - I think with all this moon business, someone stole about 8 hours from this past weekend!!! ME ars is draggin' - I needed a jump start ! :)
You and me both brother :D:D
 

olthumpa

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L275
May 25, 2011
1,501
3
38
Maine
Old Biker: I went to a bar last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table. I said, "Great legs."

The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so? "

I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now

:eek: :eek: The American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to TABLES :eek: :eek:
:eek: :eek: does not appreciate this kind of humer. :eek: :eek:

Still got it skeets. :D
 

olthumpa

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May 25, 2011
1,501
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38
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A husband and wife have three younger children and not wanting to have a talk with them about the birds and the bees devise a code to let their partner know when they are feeling amorous. When the husband is feeling a little frisky he asks his wife if the washing machine is available. When she is feeling a little frisky she asks him if he has any essentials that need to be washed. This code proves to be efficient and effective allowing them to communicate their desire in front of the children without eliciting unwanted questions.

One day the husband is feeling amorous and asks his wife if the washing machine is available to which she replies, "not today, the washing machine is broken". He understands the code and proceeds to occupy his time with other activities.

The next day he is feeling amorous again and asks his wife if the washing machine is available to which she replies, "not today, the washing machine is broken". Again he understands the code and proceeds to occupy his time with other activities.

On the third day this scenario is again repeated.

On the forth day the husband does not mention anything about the washing machine. During dinner the wife, with a smile on her face, looks over to her husband and says, "the washing machine has been repaired, do you have any essentials that need to be washed? The machine is available this evening.".

Following the code the husband replies, "not tonight, I just had a small load so I did it by hand".
 

Daren Todd

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Massey Ferguson 1825E, Kubota Z121S, Box blade, Rotary Cutter
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An army major visits the sick soldiers, goes up to one private and asks:
"What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic syphilis, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front, Sir."
"Good man." says the Major.
He goes to the next bed. "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic piles, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front, Sir."
"Good man." says the Major.
He goes to the next bed. "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic gum disease, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get the wire brush before the other two, Sir"
 

sawmill

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bx24 backhoe/fel, 48" Bush mower
Nov 16, 2014
567
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ione, washington
There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a
bar. Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, "ATTENTION
ALL" and farts loudly.

The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at
the drunk and says" Excuse me, you just farted before my
wife."

The drunks replies," I'm sorry I didn't know it was her turn."
 

D2Cat

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Mar 27, 2014
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40 miles south of Kansas City
Longevity mathematics… I’ll be on the front porch.

On the first day, God created the dog and said, sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this I will give you a life span of twenty years.

The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"

And God said that it was good.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh.. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."

The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"

And God again said that it was good.

On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."

The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"

And God agreed it was good.

On the fourth day, God created humans and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years.

But the human said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"

"Okay," said God, "You asked for it."

So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service. If you are looking for me, I will be on the front porch.
 

skeets

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BX 2360 /B2601
Oct 2, 2009
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SW Pa
And on the 8th day God made Harley Davidson :D yeah I know
 

Daren Todd

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Massey Ferguson 1825E, Kubota Z121S, Box blade, Rotary Cutter
May 18, 2014
10,157
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Vilonia, Arkansas
Gonna make fun of the home state :D Let the ribbing begin :p

In the backwoods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart's wife went into labor in the middle of the night. The doctor was called in to assist in the delivery.

To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing." Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world.

"Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down. I think there's yet another wee one to come." Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered another baby.

"Now don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern, young man. It seems there's yet another!" cried the doctor.

The new father scratched his head in bewilderment and asked the doctor. "Do ya think it's the light that's attractin' them?"

____________________________________________________________________________________________

Q: Why are there hardly any dental professionals in Arkansas?
A: Because it takes 35 patients to make a full set of teeth.

____________________________________________________________________________________________
BILL CLINTON'S DNA

Dear Mr. Starr:
The test on the dress came back inconclusive. Everyone in Arkansas has the same DNA.
Apologies,
The FBI
 

skeets

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BX 2360 /B2601
Oct 2, 2009
14,565
3,322
113
SW Pa
A young man from WVa in a jacked up 4wd pickup truck was stopped for sppeding on the Pa turnpike.
The PoPo asked him if he had any ID?
The young man looked at the cops and asked,,,,,,,
About what???

Why do Scots wear kilts.

Sheep can hear a zipper a mile off
 

Daren Todd

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Massey Ferguson 1825E, Kubota Z121S, Box blade, Rotary Cutter
May 18, 2014
10,157
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Vilonia, Arkansas
Q: Why are there no fertility clinics in Arkansas?

A: Sooner or later, they find a potent cousin.