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ShaunBlake
New member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
B6100D; B219; Piranha bar; Hodge stabilizers; Filled Ag rears; R322T w/48" deck
LROLAsked my wife the "nurse", if she new what it was. That was a nope. So we both googled it. Sorry, but the medical term for lazy is................... well..............."lazy "
I'll try explaining that to my conscience tonight and I expect to spend another sleepless night!
ShaunBlake
New member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
B6100D; B219; Piranha bar; Hodge stabilizers; Filled Ag rears; R322T w/48" deck
Yep, this site don't have a winking emoticon...
I'm pretty sure he meant the animated icons such as are available on WFM and TBN.Yes it does
ShaunBlake
New member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
B6100D; B219; Piranha bar; Hodge stabilizers; Filled Ag rears; R322T w/48" deck
Daren Todd
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Massey Ferguson 1825E, Kubota Z121S, Box blade, Rotary Cutter
CHECK THE E-MAIL ADDRES
A few days after her husband's death, a grieving widow accidentally receives an e-mail from a man waiting for his wife in Miami.
The e-mail reads:
Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
P.S. Sure is hot down here.
A few days after her husband's death, a grieving widow accidentally receives an e-mail from a man waiting for his wife in Miami.
The e-mail reads:
Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
P.S. Sure is hot down here.
Don't knock laziness... My grandfather used to say if you want to a job efficiently, hire a lazy man, and watch how he does it...
Daren Todd
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Massey Ferguson 1825E, Kubota Z121S, Box blade, Rotary Cutter
REJECTED SCIENCE FAIR PROJECTS
-- just HOW poisonous are poisonous snakes?
-- Which household products are most flammable?
-- Which hurts more: falling off the slide or being pushed off the slide?
-- Which tools are sharper: kitchen or garage?
-- can sharks hunt a human?
-- What happens if I stick my hand in this?
-- HOW many ways can you break an arm over summer vacation?
-- HOW many goldfish does it take to screw in a light bulb?
-- can dogs fly?
-- just HOW poisonous are poisonous snakes?
-- Which household products are most flammable?
-- Which hurts more: falling off the slide or being pushed off the slide?
-- Which tools are sharper: kitchen or garage?
-- can sharks hunt a human?
-- What happens if I stick my hand in this?
-- HOW many ways can you break an arm over summer vacation?
-- HOW many goldfish does it take to screw in a light bulb?
-- can dogs fly?
Daren Todd
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Massey Ferguson 1825E, Kubota Z121S, Box blade, Rotary Cutter
"My grandfather used to say if you want to a job efficiently, hire a lazy man, and watch how he does it..."
Might have worked 40 years ago. Today you would be lucky, if you were dumb enough to hire a lazy guy, for him to show up. That's the only short cut he'd show you. He knows he's ENTITLED to not work! Different times.
Might have worked 40 years ago. Today you would be lucky, if you were dumb enough to hire a lazy guy, for him to show up. That's the only short cut he'd show you. He knows he's ENTITLED to not work! Different times.
Daren Todd
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Massey Ferguson 1825E, Kubota Z121S, Box blade, Rotary Cutter
If a farmer was only able to choose between buying a cow or a tractor, what should he pick. On one hand, he would look funny riding on a cow. On the other hand, he would look funnier trying to milk a tractor.
Daren Todd
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Massey Ferguson 1825E, Kubota Z121S, Box blade, Rotary Cutter
George W. Bush is visiting a primary school and he visits one of the classes. They are in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asks the President if he would like to lead the discussion of the word "tragedy."
So the illustrious leader asks the class for an example of a tragedy. One little boy stands up and offers: "If my best friend who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him dead, that would be a tragedy."
"No," says President Bush, "that would be an accident."
A little girl raises her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."
"I'm afraid not," explains the exalted leader. "That's what we would call a great loss."
The room goes silent. No other children volunteer. President Bush searches the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"
Finally at the back of the room, little Johnny raises his hand. In a quiet voice he says: "If Air Force One carrying you was struck by a missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy."
"Fantastic!" exclaims President Bush, "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?"
"Well," says the boy, "because it sure as hell wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be an accident either."
So the illustrious leader asks the class for an example of a tragedy. One little boy stands up and offers: "If my best friend who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him dead, that would be a tragedy."
"No," says President Bush, "that would be an accident."
A little girl raises her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."
"I'm afraid not," explains the exalted leader. "That's what we would call a great loss."
The room goes silent. No other children volunteer. President Bush searches the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"
Finally at the back of the room, little Johnny raises his hand. In a quiet voice he says: "If Air Force One carrying you was struck by a missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy."
"Fantastic!" exclaims President Bush, "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?"
"Well," says the boy, "because it sure as hell wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be an accident either."
armylifer
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
BX1860, FEL, RCK54P MMM, BB1548 Box Scraper, Quick Hitch, Piranha Bar, BX6315
Replace the name Bush With Obama and I heard it before. It was better the first time I heard it.
This story is said to be true: IRS actually commented on this one.
Something to ponder ...... but, still worth a broad Smile !
Amazing, but true, if you think about it, and it shows the importance
of accuracy in your tax return.
The IRS has returned the Tax Return to a man in New Jersey after he apparently answered one of the questions incorrectly. In response to the
question, ... "Do you have anyone dependent on you ?"
The man wrote: ... "2.1 million illegal immigrants, 1.1 million
crackheads, 4.4 million unemployable scroungers,
80,000 criminals in over 85 prisons plus 650 idiots in Washington and
the entire group that call themselves Politicians".
IRS stated that the response he gave was unacceptable.
The man's response back was, ... "Who did I leave out?"
Something to ponder ...... but, still worth a broad Smile !
Amazing, but true, if you think about it, and it shows the importance
of accuracy in your tax return.
The IRS has returned the Tax Return to a man in New Jersey after he apparently answered one of the questions incorrectly. In response to the
question, ... "Do you have anyone dependent on you ?"
The man wrote: ... "2.1 million illegal immigrants, 1.1 million
crackheads, 4.4 million unemployable scroungers,
80,000 criminals in over 85 prisons plus 650 idiots in Washington and
the entire group that call themselves Politicians".
IRS stated that the response he gave was unacceptable.
The man's response back was, ... "Who did I leave out?"
Gettin to be halloween time, here's the best halloween joke I can remember:
A fat bald man with a peg leg gets invited to a costume party. Being shy and self-conscious about his appearance, he goes to the best costume shop in town. When he gets there, he tells the shop owner his situation and that he would rather cover his head and leg with a costume instead instead of exploiting his apparent problems. So, the shop owner comes back with a lifeguard costume. The man says, “No, no. That will show off my peg leg. I can’t hide it with that. Try again.” So the shop owner leaves and comes back with a monk costume And again the man says, “No, no. I can’t wear that. It will make people notice my head.” Obviously pissed off, the shop owner leaves and comes back with a five-pound bag of caramels, gives it to the man and says, “Here. Just take this.” Confused, the man says, “What am I supposed to do with a bag of caramels?” Smiling, the shop owner says, “Take home this bag of caramels, melt them, pour it all over your body, stick that peg leg up your ass and tell everyone you re a caramel apple.”
A fat bald man with a peg leg gets invited to a costume party. Being shy and self-conscious about his appearance, he goes to the best costume shop in town. When he gets there, he tells the shop owner his situation and that he would rather cover his head and leg with a costume instead instead of exploiting his apparent problems. So, the shop owner comes back with a lifeguard costume. The man says, “No, no. That will show off my peg leg. I can’t hide it with that. Try again.” So the shop owner leaves and comes back with a monk costume And again the man says, “No, no. I can’t wear that. It will make people notice my head.” Obviously pissed off, the shop owner leaves and comes back with a five-pound bag of caramels, gives it to the man and says, “Here. Just take this.” Confused, the man says, “What am I supposed to do with a bag of caramels?” Smiling, the shop owner says, “Take home this bag of caramels, melt them, pour it all over your body, stick that peg leg up your ass and tell everyone you re a caramel apple.”
Daren Todd
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Massey Ferguson 1825E, Kubota Z121S, Box blade, Rotary Cutter
Two statues, male and female, faced each other in the city park for many years.
An angel appeared before the statues and said, "Since the two of you have been exemplary statues and have brought enjoyment to many people, I am giving you the gift of life. You have 30 minutes to do whatever you desire."
The statues came to life and smiled at each other. They ran toward some nearby woods and dove behind a couple of bushes. The angel smiled to himself as he listened to the two statues giggling, bushes rustling and twigs snapping.
After 15 minutes, the two statues emerged from the bushes, satisfied and smiling.
Puzzled, the angel looked at his watch and asked the statues, "You still have 15 minutes. Would you like to continue?"
The male statue looked at the female and asked, "Do you want to do it again?"
Giggling, the female statue said, "Sure, but this time, you hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on its head!"
An angel appeared before the statues and said, "Since the two of you have been exemplary statues and have brought enjoyment to many people, I am giving you the gift of life. You have 30 minutes to do whatever you desire."
The statues came to life and smiled at each other. They ran toward some nearby woods and dove behind a couple of bushes. The angel smiled to himself as he listened to the two statues giggling, bushes rustling and twigs snapping.
After 15 minutes, the two statues emerged from the bushes, satisfied and smiling.
Puzzled, the angel looked at his watch and asked the statues, "You still have 15 minutes. Would you like to continue?"
The male statue looked at the female and asked, "Do you want to do it again?"
Giggling, the female statue said, "Sure, but this time, you hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on its head!"
Being airborne approximately thirty minutes on an
outbound evening Air Lingus flight from Dublin,
the lead flight attendant nervously made
the following painful announcement in her lovely Irish brogue:
"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so very sorry,
but it appears that there has been a terrible mix-up...
one minute prior to take-off, by our catering service.
I don't know how this has happened,
but we have 103 passengers on board,
and unfortunately, we received only 40 dinner meals.
I truly apologize for this mistake and inconvenience.”
When passengers' muttering had died down, she continued...,
"Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal
so that someone else can eat,
will receive free, unlimited drinks
for the duration of our 4 hour flight.”
Her next announcement came about 2 hours later...
"If anyone would like to change their minds,
we still have 40 dinners available."
outbound evening Air Lingus flight from Dublin,
the lead flight attendant nervously made
the following painful announcement in her lovely Irish brogue:
"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so very sorry,
but it appears that there has been a terrible mix-up...
one minute prior to take-off, by our catering service.
I don't know how this has happened,
but we have 103 passengers on board,
and unfortunately, we received only 40 dinner meals.
I truly apologize for this mistake and inconvenience.”
When passengers' muttering had died down, she continued...,
"Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal
so that someone else can eat,
will receive free, unlimited drinks
for the duration of our 4 hour flight.”
Her next announcement came about 2 hours later...
"If anyone would like to change their minds,
we still have 40 dinners available."
A guy sends a text to his next-door neighbor:
"Bob, I'm sorry. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess: I have been helping myself to your wife when you're not around, probably more than you. I know it's no excuse but I don't get it at home. I can't live with the guilt any longer. I hope you'll accept my sincerest apology. It won't happen again."
Feeling outrage and betrayal, Bob grabs his gun, goes into the bedroom, and without a word, shoots his wife.
Moments later the guy gets a second text: "I really should proofread! That should have been "wifi"."
PROOFREAD YOUR MESSAGES!!!
"Bob, I'm sorry. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess: I have been helping myself to your wife when you're not around, probably more than you. I know it's no excuse but I don't get it at home. I can't live with the guilt any longer. I hope you'll accept my sincerest apology. It won't happen again."
Feeling outrage and betrayal, Bob grabs his gun, goes into the bedroom, and without a word, shoots his wife.
Moments later the guy gets a second text: "I really should proofread! That should have been "wifi"."
PROOFREAD YOUR MESSAGES!!!