Daily Chuckle

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Diydave

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A big city California lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas. He shot a duck off a fence.

As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going into retrieve it."

The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."

The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the US and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Texas. We settle small disagreements like this with the Texas Three Kick Rule."

The lawyer asked, "What is the Texas Three Kick Rule?"

The Farmer replied. "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."

The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly ripped the man's nose off his face. The barrister was flat on his belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old coot now it's my turn."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."
 
85Hokie

85Hokie

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A lawyer getting the shyte kicked out of him.......what an american concept!!!

lesson learned - never mess with an old farmer!
 
85Hokie

85Hokie

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Re: Ran in to the EX

mmmm.....that chat part....that is always the scary part!!!!

Mine would never grab me and talk !:D:eek:

then again she might......
 
D

Diydave

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A few puns, for a slow saturday night...

1.The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table
was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.

2.I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island,
but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3.She was only a whisky-maker,
but he loved her
still.

4.A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra
class,
because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5.No matter how much you push the
envelope,
It'll still be stationery.

6.A dog gave birth to puppies near the road
and was
cited for littering.

7.A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France
would result
in Linoleum Blownapart.

8.Two silk worms had a race.
They ended up in a
tie.

9.A hole has been found in the nudist-camp
wall.
The police are looking into it.

10.Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a
banana.

11.Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12.Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.
One hat said to the other:
'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

13.I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.
Then
it hit me.

14.A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center
said:
'Keep off the Grass.'

15.The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison
was
a small medium at large.

16.The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray
is now a seasoned veteran.

17.A backward poet writes inverse.

18.In a democracy
it's your vote that
counts.
In feudalism
it's your count that votes.

19. When cannibals ate a missionary,
They got a taste of religion.

20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris,
You'd be in Seine.

21. A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane.
The stewardess looks at him and says,
'I'm sorry, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says,
'Dam!'

23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly,
so they lit a fire in the craft.
Unsurprisingly it sank,
proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.'
The other says, 'Are you sure?'
The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?
His goal: transcend dental medication.

26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends,
with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.
 
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C

Corney

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Re: Ran in to the EX

And for X sakes stay away from Wally mart, that will be bad, cheap beer and firearms does not make for a good time!

Well not with an X anyway, buddies maybe!
 
Daren Todd

Daren Todd

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Re: Ran in to the EX

Try being an identical twin. Then move to an area where your brother used to live after he moved away. I've had a few interesting moments walking into a neighborhood bar and running into one of his psycho ex girlfriends :eek: The conversation goes down hill pretty quick when you interrupt there tirade to ask them "who the hell they are?" and "how the hell do they know you" :rolleyes::D Then look over at some of your mutual friends and they are falling off there bar stools laughing so hard :mad:
 
skeets

skeets

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Corney that's two of my favorite sounds,,, Drunkin laughter and automatic weapons fire :D
 
bh115577

bh115577

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Sometimes humor comes in a coarse way- but its still funny.
You know, people complain about the RCMP, (Royal Canadian Mounted Police),
But you rarely hear about the positive things that they do,such as this
one:
Frozen Carburetor Incident:
In the fun world of the administration of justice, not all the laughs are
in the courtroom. Indeed, giggles and guffaws can erupt at almost any time
or place.
For example, on a bitterly cold winter's day several months ago
in Northern British Columbia, a RCMP constable on patrol came across a
motorcyclist, who was swathed in protective clothing and helmet, stalled by the
roadside.

"What's the matter?" asked the Policeman.

"Carburetor's frozen," was the terse reply.

"P1ss on it. That'll thaw it out."

"I can't." said the biker.

"OK, watch me closely and I'll show you." The constable promptly warmed
the carburetor as promised.
The bike started and the rider drove off, waving.

A few days later, the detachment office received a note of thanks from the
father of the motorbike rider.

It began: "On behalf of my daughter Jill....."
 
D

Diydave

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Saw this on the innernut, tonight...

You heard jared from subway pled guilty for kiddy porn. Guess he's gonna have to get used to eating a different kind of footlong, from now on...:D:D
 
85Hokie

85Hokie

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Diydave said:
Saw this on the innernut, tonight...

You heard jared from subway pled guilty for kiddy porn. Guess he's gonna have to get used to eating a different kind of footlong, from now on...:D:D
Click to expand...
dayum man - that DID MAKE me laugh a wee bit out loud......
he better watch for the 6" too. :p
 
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