I heard it as:I have no place to go to today and....
Nothing to do so.....
I'm already here and doing it.
I had nothing to do and nowhere to go today.
I had it all done by noon, and took the rest of the day off.
Daily Chuckle
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I had nothing to do and nowhere to go today.
I had it all done by noon, and took the rest of the day off.
Magicman
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M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
The other day, my sister and i were reminiscing about some funnies. A few years ago she was growing tomatoes in her garden and noticed something eating them. She took me out to show me and was walking ahead of me a few steps. Something caught my eye and I stopped to look at it. I didn't recognize it as a native and thought maybe she had put out a fake to scare off the bandits. Dang, it looked real! I bent over to get a closer look and it ever so gently moved one eye, just one. Startled the heck out of me.
It was a full grown bearded dragon. We figured it must have escaped from one of her neighbors.
We weren't sure if it could be handled. By the time she talked to the pet store, if had disappeared.
It was a full grown bearded dragon. We figured it must have escaped from one of her neighbors.
We weren't sure if it could be handled. By the time she talked to the pet store, if had disappeared.
Last edited:
Same sister. She had a black cat, Sambo, that she had bottle fed as a kitten and he became a very loving cat. Also very talented.
I went to their back door one day and he had left them some of his handiwork on the doormat.
She thinks it was a rabbit, I think possibly a squirrel. But ole Sam had dissected it and cleaned each organ without damaging a thing.
I went to their back door one day and he had left them some of his handiwork on the doormat.
She thinks it was a rabbit, I think possibly a squirrel. But ole Sam had dissected it and cleaned each organ without damaging a thing.
Magicman
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Lifetime Member
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M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
Magicman
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
A group of tourists was visiting a crocodile farm and they were in a floating structure in the middle of a crocodile lake.
The owner of the farm shouted: "Whoever jumps into the water and swims to shore, will receive 10 million dollars. The silence was deafening.
Suddenly, a man jumped into the water. He was chased by crocodiles, but with great luck he was unharmed. The owner announced: "We have a winner!!!".
After receiving their reward, the man and his wife returned to the hotel room. The man tells his wife: "I did not jump in myself ... Someone pushed me !!!"
His wife smiled and said coldly: "It was me!"
Moral of the story: "Behind every successful man, there is always a woman to give him a little push."
The owner of the farm shouted: "Whoever jumps into the water and swims to shore, will receive 10 million dollars. The silence was deafening.
Suddenly, a man jumped into the water. He was chased by crocodiles, but with great luck he was unharmed. The owner announced: "We have a winner!!!".
After receiving their reward, the man and his wife returned to the hotel room. The man tells his wife: "I did not jump in myself ... Someone pushed me !!!"
His wife smiled and said coldly: "It was me!"
Moral of the story: "Behind every successful man, there is always a woman to give him a little push."
Magicman
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Lifetime Member
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M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
A cab driver picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the very handsome young cab driver won’t stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.
He replies: ‘I have a question to ask, but I don’t want to offend you.’
She answers, ‘ My son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I’m sure that there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.’
‘Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.’
She responds, ‘Well, let’s see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic.’
The cab driver is very excited and says, ‘Yes, I’m single and Catholic!’
‘OK’ the nun says. ‘Pull into the next alley.' The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.
But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
‘My dear child,’ said the nun, ‘Why are you crying?’
‘Forgive me but I’ve sinned. I lied and I must confess; I’m married and I’m Jewish.’
The nun says, ‘That’s OK. My name is Kevin and I’m going to a costume party.’
He replies: ‘I have a question to ask, but I don’t want to offend you.’
She answers, ‘ My son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I’m sure that there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.’
‘Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.’
She responds, ‘Well, let’s see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic.’
The cab driver is very excited and says, ‘Yes, I’m single and Catholic!’
‘OK’ the nun says. ‘Pull into the next alley.' The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.
But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
‘My dear child,’ said the nun, ‘Why are you crying?’
‘Forgive me but I’ve sinned. I lied and I must confess; I’m married and I’m Jewish.’
The nun says, ‘That’s OK. My name is Kevin and I’m going to a costume party.’
i7win7
Well-known member
Equipment
BX2370, B2650 grapple, tree puller, trailer mover, 3 point hoist, mower, tiller
i7win7
Well-known member
Equipment
BX2370, B2650 grapple, tree puller, trailer mover, 3 point hoist, mower, tiller
Magicman
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
i7win7
Well-known member
Equipment
BX2370, B2650 grapple, tree puller, trailer mover, 3 point hoist, mower, tiller
i7win7
Well-known member
Equipment
BX2370, B2650 grapple, tree puller, trailer mover, 3 point hoist, mower, tiller