Daily Chuckle

Magicman

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M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
Oct 8, 2019
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Brookhaven, MS
knotholesawmill.com
Things that I have noticed after reaching the 70's and heading towards 80!

01. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

02. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first

03. No one expects you to run--anywhere.

04. People call at 9 PM and ask,"did I wake you?"

05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

07. Things you buy now won't wear out.

08. You can eat supper at 4 PM.

09. You can live without sex but not your glasses.

10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

13. You sing along with elevator music.

14. Your eyes won't get much worse.

15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

19. You can't remember who sent you this list.

20. And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.
 
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NCL4701

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L4701, T2290, WC68, grapple, BB1572, Farmi W50R, Howes 500, 16kW IMD gen, WG24
Apr 27, 2020
2,788
4,227
113
Central Piedmont, NC
I thought that was just another dude at the table......
If that looks like a dude in your area, “man boobs” must mean something a little more serious in the north east than it does around here.
 
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Magicman

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Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
Oct 8, 2019
5,503
7,557
113
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Brookhaven, MS
knotholesawmill.com
THE TINY CABIN

A social worker from a big City in Massachusetts recently transferred to Mountains of West Virginia and was on first tour of her new territory when she came upon the tiniest cabin she had ever seen in her life. Intrigued, she went up and knocked on the door.

"Anybody home?" she asked.

"Yep," came a kid's voice through the door.

"Is your father there?" asked the social worker.

"Pa? Nope, he left afore Ma came in," said the kid.

"Well, is your mother there?" persisted the social worker.

"Ma? Nope, she left just afore I got here," said the kid.

"But," protested the social worker, "are you never together as a family?"

"Sure, but not here," said the kid through the door. "This is the outhouse!"
 
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xrocketengineer

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BX1880, FEL, Grapple, 36 in. Forks, 48in. MMM, Quick Spade, Ripper
Nov 14, 2020
749
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Merritt Island, Florida
Some animals drive like people...there is nothing like the wind in your (body) hair.
 
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orange crusher

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BX 2680
Sep 30, 2017
356
480
63
ontario canada
Yesterday, my daughter emailed me, asking why I didn't do something useful with my time.
"Like sitting around the pool, drinking wine isn't a good thing?" I asked


Talking about my "doing something useful" seems to be her favorite topic of conversation. She is "only thinking of me," she said, and suggested that I go down to the Senior Center and hang out with the fellas.

So, I did and when I got home, I decided to play a prank on her. I sent her an email saying that I had joined the Senior Parachute Club.

She replied, "Are you nuts? You're 80-years-old and now you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?"

I told her that I even had a Membership Card and e-mailed a copy to her.

Immediately, she telephoned me and yelled; "Good grief, Dad, where are your glasses?! This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club."

“Oh man, am I in trouble?" I said; "I signed up and prepaid for five jumps a week!

The line went dead.
Life as a Senior Citizen may not be getting any easier; but it can be fun.
 
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