Daily Chuckle

Orangeglow

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Jun 19, 2014
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Prescott, Ontario
A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates.
Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses this cool guy, 'Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?'
The guy replies, 'I'm Jack, retired airline pilot from Houston, Texas.'
Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the pilot, 'Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom.' The pilot goes into Heaven with his robe and staff.
Next, it's the minister’s turn. He stands erect and booms out, 'I am Reverent Bob, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last 43 years.'
Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, 'Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom.'
'Just a minute,' says the good father. 'That man was a pilot and he gets a silken robe and golden staff and I get only cotton and wood. How can this be?'
'Up here we go by results,' says Saint Peter. 'When you preached - people slept. When he flew, people prayed.'
 
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bearbait

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Dec 9, 2011
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NOTE: don't miss the Welding Chuckles at http://www.orangetractortalks.com/forums/showthread.php?t=28486


The Mistress




A Jewish husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant
when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table,
gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later
and walks away.

The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who the hell was that?"

"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."

"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want
a divorce!"

"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get
a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering
in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more BMW in the garage and no
more yacht club. But the decision is yours."

Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe
on his arm.

"Who's that woman with Moishe?" asks the wife.

"That's his mistress," says her husband.

"Ours is prettier," she replies.
Lol, that reminds me of the first time I had sex, I was so scared and so all along.
 

Magicman

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knotholesawmill.com
The elderly man flattered himself that he was still a ladies’ man, and decided to flirt with the beautiful waitress. “So, tell me, sweetheart,” he crooned. “Where have you been all my life?” “Actually, sir,” she pointed out, “for the first 45 years of it, I wasn’t even born.”
 
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