Daily Chuckle
- Thread starter skeets
- Start date
Yep, we all know one at some point in time. Too funny, thanks for the laugh.Hey, I know that guy!!
motionclone
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
L345DT with Lp mower, forks and grapple thumb, Bobcat 337 Midi Ex
armylifer
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
BX1860, FEL, RCK54P MMM, BB1548 Box Scraper, Quick Hitch, Piranha Bar, BX6315
Lil Foot
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
1979 B7100DT Gear, Nissan Hanix N150-2 Excavator
The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again and it won again.
The local paper read: PASTOR'S A$$ OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S A$$.
This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey.
The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST A$$ IN TOWN.
The Bishop fainted.
He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farm for $10.
The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS A$$ FOR $10
This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER A$$ IS WILD AND FREE.
The Bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story is . . . being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery . . . even shorten your life.
So be yourself and enjoy life.
Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and just cover your own !!!
You'll be a lot happier and live longer
The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again and it won again.
The local paper read: PASTOR'S A$$ OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S A$$.
This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey.
The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST A$$ IN TOWN.
The Bishop fainted.
He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farm for $10.
The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS A$$ FOR $10
This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER A$$ IS WILD AND FREE.
The Bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story is . . . being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery . . . even shorten your life.
So be yourself and enjoy life.
Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and just cover your own !!!
You'll be a lot happier and live longer
Magicman
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
An older gent has decided to turn his life around and get in better shape. He joins a local gym and starts working with a trainer. About his third visit he notices this nice looking younger lady and asked his trainer which machine would he recommend so he could impress the lady. The trainer looks at him, then the young lady and back at him. He then says; try the ATM.
Arcelor-Mittal Steel, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know he meant business.
He asked the guy, "How much money do you make a week?"
A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, "I make $400 a week. Why?"
The CEO said, "Wait right here." He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said, "Here's four weeks' pay. Now GET OUT and don't come back!"
Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Who can tell me what that goof-ball did here?”
From across the room a voice yelled: "He,s a pizza delivery guy from Domino's.“
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know he meant business.
He asked the guy, "How much money do you make a week?"
A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, "I make $400 a week. Why?"
The CEO said, "Wait right here." He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said, "Here's four weeks' pay. Now GET OUT and don't come back!"
Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Who can tell me what that goof-ball did here?”
From across the room a voice yelled: "He,s a pizza delivery guy from Domino's.“
RCW
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
BX2360, FEL, MMM, BX2750D snowblower. 1953 Minneapolis Moline ZAU
My daughter from Philadelphia on a road trip to Montana:
I gave the
response... she agreed:
Proof that genetics works....
We've got another that looks just like her; her identical twin lives in Santa Cruz, California.
I gave the
response... she agreed:Proof that genetics works....
We've got another that looks just like her; her identical twin lives in Santa Cruz, California.
Last edited:
A man was dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there was a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He had been checking her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezed, and her glass eye came flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reached out, grabbed it out of the air, and handed it back.
“Oh my, I am so sorry,” the woman said, as she popped her eye back in place. “Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you.”
They enjoyed a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they went to the theatre followed by drinks. They talked, they laughed, she shared her deepest dreams and he shared his. She listened to him with interest.
After paying for everything, she asked him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.
The next morning, she cooked a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy was amazed. Everything had been so incredible!
“You know,” he said, “you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?”
“No,” she replies.
(The suspense is killing you, isn’t it)?
She said...
"You’re just the first man who happened to catch my eye."
Suddenly she sneezed, and her glass eye came flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reached out, grabbed it out of the air, and handed it back.
“Oh my, I am so sorry,” the woman said, as she popped her eye back in place. “Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you.”
They enjoyed a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they went to the theatre followed by drinks. They talked, they laughed, she shared her deepest dreams and he shared his. She listened to him with interest.
After paying for everything, she asked him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.
The next morning, she cooked a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy was amazed. Everything had been so incredible!
“You know,” he said, “you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?”
“No,” she replies.
(The suspense is killing you, isn’t it)?
She said...
"You’re just the first man who happened to catch my eye."
A man goes to a bar in New Orleans: Can I have a corona and two hurricanes please. Bartender: That’ll be $20.20.
Daren Todd
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Massey Ferguson 1825E, Kubota Z121S, Box blade, Rotary Cutter
Daren Todd
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Massey Ferguson 1825E, Kubota Z121S, Box blade, Rotary Cutter
Magicman
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on
the bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function
and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello."
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes."
WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat.
It's only $1000. Is it ok if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new
2021 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$86,000."
MAN: "Ok, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh and one more thing_the house we wanted last
year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."
WOMAN: "Ok. I'll see you later! I love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."
The man hangs up The other men in the locker room are looking at him in
astonishment. Then he asks, "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"
the bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function
and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello."
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes."
WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat.
It's only $1000. Is it ok if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new
2021 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$86,000."
MAN: "Ok, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh and one more thing_the house we wanted last
year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."
WOMAN: "Ok. I'll see you later! I love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."
The man hangs up The other men in the locker room are looking at him in
astonishment. Then he asks, "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"
Magicman
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
A man called home to his wife and said, "Honey I have been asked to go
fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his friends. We'll
be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that
promotion I've been wanting so could you please pack enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing tackle box? We're leaving from the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up."
"Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pajamas."
The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she
is, did exactly what her husband asked. The following weekend he came
home a little tired but otherwise looking good. The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish. He said, "Yes! Lots of Salmon, some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish.
But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?"
The wife replied, "I did. They're in your fishing tackle box........
fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his friends. We'll
be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that
promotion I've been wanting so could you please pack enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing tackle box? We're leaving from the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up."
"Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pajamas."
The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she
is, did exactly what her husband asked. The following weekend he came
home a little tired but otherwise looking good. The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish. He said, "Yes! Lots of Salmon, some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish.
But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?"
The wife replied, "I did. They're in your fishing tackle box........
Magicman
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
A man and a woman, who have never met before, find themselves assigned
to the same sleeping room on a Transcontinental train. Though initially
embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two are tired and fall
asleep quickly...he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.
At 1:00 AM, he leans over and gently wakes the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm
sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."
"I have a better idea," she replies. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."
"Wow! That's a great idea!!" he exclaims. "Good," she replies.
"Get your own *DanG blanket!"
After a moment of silence, he farted.
to the same sleeping room on a Transcontinental train. Though initially
embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two are tired and fall
asleep quickly...he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.
At 1:00 AM, he leans over and gently wakes the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm
sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."
"I have a better idea," she replies. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."
"Wow! That's a great idea!!" he exclaims. "Good," she replies.
"Get your own *DanG blanket!"
After a moment of silence, he farted.
Was walking a trail on my property with a buddy of mine who's a know it all outdoors man.
He throws his arm up in front of me and says stop.
Points down to the ground at a big brown pile and says looks like bear scat.
Then bends down and sticks two fingers into it, brings it up to his nose, sniffs it and says smells like bear scat.
Then he sticks his fingers in his mouth and tastes it and says "tastes like bear scat".
Then he looks at me and say's "aren't you glad we didn't step in it"?
He throws his arm up in front of me and says stop.
Points down to the ground at a big brown pile and says looks like bear scat.
Then bends down and sticks two fingers into it, brings it up to his nose, sniffs it and says smells like bear scat.
Then he sticks his fingers in his mouth and tastes it and says "tastes like bear scat".
Then he looks at me and say's "aren't you glad we didn't step in it"?
Magicman
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"