Daily Chuckle
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Lil Foot
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
1979 B7100DT Gear, Nissan Hanix N150-2 Excavator
FATHER BUYS A LIE DETECTOR ROBOT, THAT SLAPS PEOPLE WHEN THEY LIE.
He decides to test it out at dinner one night.
The father asks his son what he did that afternoon.
The son says, "I did some schoolwork."
The robot slaps the son.
The son says, "Ok, Ok. I was at a friend's house watching movies."
Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?"
Son says, "Toy Story."
The robot slaps the son.
Son says, "Ok, Ok, we were watching porn."
Dad says, "What? At your age I didn't even know what porn was."
The robot slaps the father.
Mom laughs and says, "Well, he certainly is your son."
The robot slaps the mother.
Robot for sale.
He decides to test it out at dinner one night.
The father asks his son what he did that afternoon.
The son says, "I did some schoolwork."
The robot slaps the son.
The son says, "Ok, Ok. I was at a friend's house watching movies."
Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?"
Son says, "Toy Story."
The robot slaps the son.
Son says, "Ok, Ok, we were watching porn."
Dad says, "What? At your age I didn't even know what porn was."
The robot slaps the father.
Mom laughs and says, "Well, he certainly is your son."
The robot slaps the mother.
Robot for sale.
ShaunBlake
New member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
B6100D; B219; Piranha bar; Hodge stabilizers; Filled Ag rears; R322T w/48" deck
Oh, Hodge, that is priceless!
ShaunBlake
New member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
B6100D; B219; Piranha bar; Hodge stabilizers; Filled Ag rears; R322T w/48" deck
With the Christmas close upon us, I would like to share a personal experience with my friends about drinking and driving. As you know, some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time, often on the way home after a "social session" with family or friends. Well last Friday, this happened to me. I was out for an evening with friends and had more than several Manhattans followed by a couple of bottles of a rather nice red wine and some vodka shots. Although relaxed, I still had the common sense to know I was slightly over the limit.
That's when I did something I've never done before - I took a taxi home!!! Sure enough, on the way there was a police roadblock, but since it was a taxi, they waved it past and I arrived home safely without incident. This was a real surprise to me, because I had never driven a taxi before. I don't know where I got it and now that its in my garage, I don't know what to do with it. So anyway, if you want to borrow it, give me a call.
Merry Christmas and be safe out there.
That's when I did something I've never done before - I took a taxi home!!! Sure enough, on the way there was a police roadblock, but since it was a taxi, they waved it past and I arrived home safely without incident. This was a real surprise to me, because I had never driven a taxi before. I don't know where I got it and now that its in my garage, I don't know what to do with it. So anyway, if you want to borrow it, give me a call.
Merry Christmas and be safe out there.
85Hokie
Moderator
Staff member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
BX-25D ,PTB. Under Armor, '90&'92-B7100HST's, '06 BX1850 FEL
ShaunBlake
New member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
B6100D; B219; Piranha bar; Hodge stabilizers; Filled Ag rears; R322T w/48" deck
Lad, would ye be so kind to drive me home after New Year's Eve celebration? I promise there will be plenty of Guinness on hand (I'll be out drinkin' other's booze!
)Safe and happy Christmas to you and yours!
Gunfight Rules
In a gunfight, the most important rule is ..... HAVE A GUN!
Here is some shooting advice from various Concealed Carry Instructors. If you own a gun, you will appreciate these rules. If not, you should get one and learn how to use it -- and learn the rules:
RULES:
A -- Guns have only two enemies: rust and politicians.
B -- It’s always better to be judged by 12 than carried by 6.
C -- Cops carry guns to protect themselves, not you.
D -- Never let someone or something that threatens you get inside an arm’s length.
E -- Never say "I've got a gun". If you need to use deadly force, the first sound they hear should be the safety clicking off.
F -- The average response time of a 911 call is 23 minutes; the response time of a .357 magnum is 1400 feet per second.
G -- The most important rule in a gunfight is: Always win. A gunfight is a deadly struggle. There is no such thing as a fair fight, so cheat if necessary.
H -- Make your attacker advance through a wall of bullets. You may get killed with your own gun, but he'll have to beat you to death with it, ‘cause it will be empty.
I -- If you're in a gun fight: If you're not shooting, you should be loading. If you're not loading, you should be moving. If you're not moving, you're dead.
J -- In a life and death situation, do something. It may be wrong, but do something!
K -- If you carry a gun, people may call you paranoid. Nonsense! If you have a gun, what do you have to be paranoid about?
L -- You can say 'stop' or any other word, but a large bore muzzle pointed at someone’s head is pretty much a universal language.
M -- Never leave an enemy behind. If you have to shoot, shoot to kill. If you end up in court, yours will be the only testimony.
N -- You cannot save the planet, but you may be able to save yourself and your family.
If you believe in the 2nd Amendment, forward this to others you know who also believe.
And always remember this quote from America's premier Founding Father:
"Peace is that brief glorious moment in history, when everybody stands around reloading".
- Thomas Jefferson
In a gunfight, the most important rule is ..... HAVE A GUN!
Here is some shooting advice from various Concealed Carry Instructors. If you own a gun, you will appreciate these rules. If not, you should get one and learn how to use it -- and learn the rules:
RULES:
A -- Guns have only two enemies: rust and politicians.
B -- It’s always better to be judged by 12 than carried by 6.
C -- Cops carry guns to protect themselves, not you.
D -- Never let someone or something that threatens you get inside an arm’s length.
E -- Never say "I've got a gun". If you need to use deadly force, the first sound they hear should be the safety clicking off.
F -- The average response time of a 911 call is 23 minutes; the response time of a .357 magnum is 1400 feet per second.
G -- The most important rule in a gunfight is: Always win. A gunfight is a deadly struggle. There is no such thing as a fair fight, so cheat if necessary.
H -- Make your attacker advance through a wall of bullets. You may get killed with your own gun, but he'll have to beat you to death with it, ‘cause it will be empty.
I -- If you're in a gun fight: If you're not shooting, you should be loading. If you're not loading, you should be moving. If you're not moving, you're dead.
J -- In a life and death situation, do something. It may be wrong, but do something!
K -- If you carry a gun, people may call you paranoid. Nonsense! If you have a gun, what do you have to be paranoid about?
L -- You can say 'stop' or any other word, but a large bore muzzle pointed at someone’s head is pretty much a universal language.
M -- Never leave an enemy behind. If you have to shoot, shoot to kill. If you end up in court, yours will be the only testimony.
N -- You cannot save the planet, but you may be able to save yourself and your family.
If you believe in the 2nd Amendment, forward this to others you know who also believe.
And always remember this quote from America's premier Founding Father:
"Peace is that brief glorious moment in history, when everybody stands around reloading".
- Thomas Jefferson
A Jewish man was leaving a convenience store with his espresso when he noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.
A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian man walking a dog on a leash.
Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking in single file.
The Jewish man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the Italian walking the dog and said: "I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"
"My wife's."
What happened to her?
"She yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed her."
He inquired further, "But who is in the second hearse?"
“My mother-in-law.... She came to help my wife and the dog turned on her and killed her also.”
A very poignant and touching moment of Jewish and Italian brotherhood and silence passed between the two men.
The Jewish man then asked "Can I borrow the dog?"
The Italian man replied, "Get in line"
A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian man walking a dog on a leash.
Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking in single file.
The Jewish man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the Italian walking the dog and said: "I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"
"My wife's."
What happened to her?
"She yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed her."
He inquired further, "But who is in the second hearse?"
“My mother-in-law.... She came to help my wife and the dog turned on her and killed her also.”
A very poignant and touching moment of Jewish and Italian brotherhood and silence passed between the two men.
The Jewish man then asked "Can I borrow the dog?"
The Italian man replied, "Get in line"
ShaunBlake
New member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
B6100D; B219; Piranha bar; Hodge stabilizers; Filled Ag rears; R322T w/48" deck
ALZHEIMER'S Cause discovered...
According to a Clinton campaign spokesperson, "we think there's a definite causal link between Alzheimer's and subpoenas."
According to a Clinton campaign spokesperson, "we think there's a definite causal link between Alzheimer's and subpoenas."
Daren Todd
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Massey Ferguson 1825E, Kubota Z121S, Box blade, Rotary Cutter
This guy was having a problem with mice in his apartment. "Dude," he told a friend, "I've tried everything and those damn mice keep coming back." "I had the same thing man," his friend says. "All you have to do is stuff steel wool in their little holes." "That's it?" the guy asked. "I'll do it tonight if it means getting rid of the damn rodents."
About a week later the guy gets a call. "How's it going with the mice, buddy?" "Not so good, dude." "What's the problem?" his friend asks. "To be honest, I'm having a lot of trouble holding their little legs apart."
About a week later the guy gets a call. "How's it going with the mice, buddy?" "Not so good, dude." "What's the problem?" his friend asks. "To be honest, I'm having a lot of trouble holding their little legs apart."
85Hokie
Moderator
Staff member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
BX-25D ,PTB. Under Armor, '90&'92-B7100HST's, '06 BX1850 FEL
Noel, a middle-aged Canadian tourist on his first time in Lincoln, Nebraska, locates the red light district and enters a large brothel.
The madam asks him to be seated and sends over a young lady to entertain the client. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she gasps and runs away!
Seeing this, the madam sends over a more experienced lady to entertain the gentleman. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she screams, No!" and walks quickly away!
The madam is surprised that this ordinary looking man has asked for something so outrageous that her two girls will have nothing to do with it.
She decides that only her most experienced lady, Lola, will do. Lola looks a bit tired, but she has never said no and it doesn't seem likely that anything would surprise her. So the madam sends her over to Noel.
They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she screams, "NO WAY, BUDDY!" smacks him as hard as she can and literally runs away!
Madam is by now absolutely intrigued, having seen nothing like this in all her years of operating a brothel. She hasn't done the bedroom work herself for a long time, but she did it for many years before she got into management. She's sure she has said yes at one time or another to everything a man could possibly ask for. The challenge is irresistible.
She just has to find out what this man has wanted that has made her girls so angry. And she sees a chance she can't pass up to show off to her employees how good she was at what they do.
So she goes over to Noel and says that she's the best in the house and she is available. She sits and talks with him. They frolic a bit, giggle a bit, and drink a little, and she sits in his lap. And Noel leans forward and whispers in her ear, "Can I pay in Canadian dollars?"
The madam asks him to be seated and sends over a young lady to entertain the client. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she gasps and runs away!
Seeing this, the madam sends over a more experienced lady to entertain the gentleman. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she screams, No!" and walks quickly away!
The madam is surprised that this ordinary looking man has asked for something so outrageous that her two girls will have nothing to do with it.
She decides that only her most experienced lady, Lola, will do. Lola looks a bit tired, but she has never said no and it doesn't seem likely that anything would surprise her. So the madam sends her over to Noel.
They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she screams, "NO WAY, BUDDY!" smacks him as hard as she can and literally runs away!
Madam is by now absolutely intrigued, having seen nothing like this in all her years of operating a brothel. She hasn't done the bedroom work herself for a long time, but she did it for many years before she got into management. She's sure she has said yes at one time or another to everything a man could possibly ask for. The challenge is irresistible.
She just has to find out what this man has wanted that has made her girls so angry. And she sees a chance she can't pass up to show off to her employees how good she was at what they do.
So she goes over to Noel and says that she's the best in the house and she is available. She sits and talks with him. They frolic a bit, giggle a bit, and drink a little, and she sits in his lap. And Noel leans forward and whispers in her ear, "Can I pay in Canadian dollars?"
ShaunBlake
New member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
B6100D; B219; Piranha bar; Hodge stabilizers; Filled Ag rears; R322T w/48" deck