Daren Todd
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Massey Ferguson 1825E, Kubota Z121S, Box blade, Rotary Cutter
Daily Chuckle
- Thread starter skeets
- Start date
LOL......that's NOT where I thought that was going. But....out of the mouth of babes.
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There is nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients.
I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it.
A 65-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.
The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?'
'There's something wrong with my dick', he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that. '
'Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told you,' he said.
The Receptionist replied; 'Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.'
The man replied, 'You shouldn't ask people questions in a roomful of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone. The man walked out, waited several minutes, and then re-entered.
The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes??'
'There's something wrong with my ear,' he stated.
The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice.. 'And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?'
'I can't piss out of it,' he replied.
The waiting room erupted in laughter...
Mess with seniors, and you're going to lose.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it.
A 65-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.
The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?'
'There's something wrong with my dick', he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that. '
'Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told you,' he said.
The Receptionist replied; 'Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.'
The man replied, 'You shouldn't ask people questions in a roomful of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone. The man walked out, waited several minutes, and then re-entered.
The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes??'
'There's something wrong with my ear,' he stated.
The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice.. 'And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?'
'I can't piss out of it,' he replied.
The waiting room erupted in laughter...
Mess with seniors, and you're going to lose.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Newlyme
Active member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
M4900 w/loader, finish mower, tiller, auger, rake. BX24 w/loader, backhoe
ShaunBlake
New member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
B6100D; B219; Piranha bar; Hodge stabilizers; Filled Ag rears; R322T w/48" deck
ShaunBlake
New member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
B6100D; B219; Piranha bar; Hodge stabilizers; Filled Ag rears; R322T w/48" deck
Daren Todd
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Massey Ferguson 1825E, Kubota Z121S, Box blade, Rotary Cutter
Josef
New member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
2014 Kubota MX 5200 with 6 la1065 loader, sq172 Bush hog shredder, 6 ' Armstrong
A clearly inebriated woman, stark naked, jumped into a taxi in New York City and layon the back seat.
The cab driver, an old Jewish gentleman, opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman. He made no attempt to start the cab. The woman glared back at him and said,
"What's wrong with you, honey? Haven't you ever seen a naked woman before?"
The old Jewish driver answered, "Let me tell you sumsing, lady. I vasn't staring at you like you tink; det vould not be proper."
The drunk woman giggled and responded, "Well, if you're not staring at my boobs or my butt, sweetie, what are you doing then?"
He paused a moment, then told her..."Vell, M'am, I am looking and I am looking, and I am tinking to myself, vair in da hell is dis lady keeping de money to pay for dis ride?"
Now, that's a businessman!
The cab driver, an old Jewish gentleman, opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman. He made no attempt to start the cab. The woman glared back at him and said,
"What's wrong with you, honey? Haven't you ever seen a naked woman before?"
The old Jewish driver answered, "Let me tell you sumsing, lady. I vasn't staring at you like you tink; det vould not be proper."
The drunk woman giggled and responded, "Well, if you're not staring at my boobs or my butt, sweetie, what are you doing then?"
He paused a moment, then told her..."Vell, M'am, I am looking and I am looking, and I am tinking to myself, vair in da hell is dis lady keeping de money to pay for dis ride?"
Now, that's a businessman!
Morning sex
Sometimes I forward silly messages; this is different and
could save your life.
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed
away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to
visit her 96 year-old grandmother and comfort her. When
she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother
replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love
on Sunday morning."
Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly
100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing
our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was
when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right
rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous,
simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused to
wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice
cream truck hadn't come along."
Sometimes I forward silly messages; this is different and
could save your life.
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed
away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to
visit her 96 year-old grandmother and comfort her. When
she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother
replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love
on Sunday morning."
Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly
100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing
our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was
when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right
rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous,
simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused to
wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice
cream truck hadn't come along."
Modern Day Problems In This Electronic World
A modern day problem
Oooops!!
THE ORIGINAL TEXT
Hi Bob,
This is Alan next door. I***65533;m sorry buddy, but I have a confession to make to you. I've been riddled with guilt these past few months and have been trying to pluck up the courage to tell you to your face, but I am at least now telling in text as I can***65533;t live with myself a moment longer without you knowing. The truth is, I have been sharing your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, probably more than you, particularly in the mornings after you've left for work. I haven***65533;t been getting it at home recently, but that's no excuse I know. The temptation was just too much....I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apologies and forgive me. I promise that it won't happen again. Regards, Alan.
THE REACTION
Bob, feeling enraged and betrayed, immediately went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife twice, killing her instantly. He returned to the lounge where he poured himself a stiff drink and sat down on the sofa to contemplate his next move. He took out his phone to respond to make the call to the police and saw he had another message:-
THE SECOND TEXT
Hi Bob, This is Alan next door again. Sorry about the slight typo on my last text, I expect you worked it out anyway, but as I***65533;m sure you noticed, my predictive text changed ***65533;WiFi***65533; To ***65533;Wife***65533;. Technology hey?!? Hope you saw the funny side of that. Regards, Alan.
A modern day problem
Oooops!!
THE ORIGINAL TEXT
Hi Bob,
This is Alan next door. I***65533;m sorry buddy, but I have a confession to make to you. I've been riddled with guilt these past few months and have been trying to pluck up the courage to tell you to your face, but I am at least now telling in text as I can***65533;t live with myself a moment longer without you knowing. The truth is, I have been sharing your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, probably more than you, particularly in the mornings after you've left for work. I haven***65533;t been getting it at home recently, but that's no excuse I know. The temptation was just too much....I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apologies and forgive me. I promise that it won't happen again. Regards, Alan.
THE REACTION
Bob, feeling enraged and betrayed, immediately went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife twice, killing her instantly. He returned to the lounge where he poured himself a stiff drink and sat down on the sofa to contemplate his next move. He took out his phone to respond to make the call to the police and saw he had another message:-
THE SECOND TEXT
Hi Bob, This is Alan next door again. Sorry about the slight typo on my last text, I expect you worked it out anyway, but as I***65533;m sure you noticed, my predictive text changed ***65533;WiFi***65533; To ***65533;Wife***65533;. Technology hey?!? Hope you saw the funny side of that. Regards, Alan.
ShaunBlake
New member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
B6100D; B219; Piranha bar; Hodge stabilizers; Filled Ag rears; R322T w/48" deck
IRS inquiry
The IRS suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his deckhand and sent an agent to investigate him.
IRS AUDITOR: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them".
Boat Owner: "Well, there's Clarence, my deckhand, he's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the
mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bacardi rum and a dozen Budweisers every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my
wife occasionally".
IRS AUDITOR: "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one".
Boat Owner: "That would be me. What would you like to know"?
The IRS suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his deckhand and sent an agent to investigate him.
IRS AUDITOR: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them".
Boat Owner: "Well, there's Clarence, my deckhand, he's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the
mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bacardi rum and a dozen Budweisers every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my
wife occasionally".
IRS AUDITOR: "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one".
Boat Owner: "That would be me. What would you like to know"?
Daren Todd
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Massey Ferguson 1825E, Kubota Z121S, Box blade, Rotary Cutter
Lil Foot
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
1979 B7100DT Gear, Nissan Hanix N150-2 Excavator
