Daren Todd
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Massey Ferguson 1825E, Kubota Z121S, Box blade, Rotary Cutter
Daily Chuckle
- Thread starter skeets
- Start date
Martha’s Vineyard’s response to 50 illegals being sent to them was to declare a humanitarian emergency, activate 125 National Guard soldiers, and shipping them out of their town in less than 24 hours. You literally can’t make it up.
Magicman
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
Magicman
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
Magicman
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
Bmyers
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Grand L3560 with LA805 loader, EA 55" Wicked Grapple, SBX72 BB, LP 1272 mower
Magicman
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
Magicman
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him!
But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get screwed."
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him!
But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get screwed."
Wife or Mistress?
An architect, artist, and engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with their wives or mistresses.
The architect said, "I like spending time with my wife building a firm foundation of a marriage."
The artist said, "I enjoy the time I spend with my mistress because of all the passion and energy."
The engineer said "I enjoy both. If you have a wife and a mistress, both women think you are with the other so you can go to work and get more done.
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What's the difference between a prostitute, a mistress, and a wife? During sex, the prostitute will ask: "aren't you done yet?" During sex, the mistress will ask; "done already?" During sex, the wife will ask " When was the last time you painted the ceiling?"
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Superman and Daredevil are having a get-together and they dicussed what they did during the day.
Superman: Well, I was flying over the city, scanning with my X-ray eyes, and would you believe, there I saw Wonder Woman in a secluded field, lying on her back, stark naked with legs spread wide open. I thought this was too a good opportunity to pass, I unzipped myself and flew in with superspeed for some action.
Daredevil: I bet Wonder Woman was quite surprised.
Superman: Yes, but not as much as was the Invisible Man!
An architect, artist, and engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with their wives or mistresses.
The architect said, "I like spending time with my wife building a firm foundation of a marriage."
The artist said, "I enjoy the time I spend with my mistress because of all the passion and energy."
The engineer said "I enjoy both. If you have a wife and a mistress, both women think you are with the other so you can go to work and get more done.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the difference between a prostitute, a mistress, and a wife? During sex, the prostitute will ask: "aren't you done yet?" During sex, the mistress will ask; "done already?" During sex, the wife will ask " When was the last time you painted the ceiling?"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Superman and Daredevil are having a get-together and they dicussed what they did during the day.
Superman: Well, I was flying over the city, scanning with my X-ray eyes, and would you believe, there I saw Wonder Woman in a secluded field, lying on her back, stark naked with legs spread wide open. I thought this was too a good opportunity to pass, I unzipped myself and flew in with superspeed for some action.
Daredevil: I bet Wonder Woman was quite surprised.
Superman: Yes, but not as much as was the Invisible Man!
Magicman
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
A rural county deputy got on the radio and excitedly reported to the sheriff "Boss, Mrs. Johanson down on Elm street just shot her husband, Elmer, graveyard dead because he walked across her fresh mopped floor."
Sheriff: "Did you arrest her?"
Deputy: "Not yet."
Sheriff: "Why Not?"
Deputy: "The floor is still not dry."
Sheriff: "Did you arrest her?"
Deputy: "Not yet."
Sheriff: "Why Not?"
Deputy: "The floor is still not dry."
Magicman
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
The Story of the Haircut -
One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he
asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money
from you, I'm doing community service this week’ The florist was
pleased and left the shop.
When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his
bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm
doing community service this week.’ The cop was happy and left the shop.
The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.
Then a politician came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his
bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm
doing community service this week.’ The politician was very happy and left the shop.
The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen politicians lined up waiting for a free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.
As Ronald Reagan said: "Both politicians and diapers need to be changed often - and for the same reason.”
One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he
asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money
from you, I'm doing community service this week’ The florist was
pleased and left the shop.
When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his
bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm
doing community service this week.’ The cop was happy and left the shop.
The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.
Then a politician came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his
bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm
doing community service this week.’ The politician was very happy and left the shop.
The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen politicians lined up waiting for a free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.
As Ronald Reagan said: "Both politicians and diapers need to be changed often - and for the same reason.”
Magicman
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"