Daily Chuckle

[Bmyers]

 

[Bmyers]

 

[Fordtech86]

 

[xrocketengineer]

Public Service Announcement:

Do not forget any metal objects, like a paper clip, in you shirt pocket when you go into an MRI machine. When they stop the machine to check what the heck is going on, the object will fly off of your pocket and it will get stuck to the machine. You will not even notice until they tell you about it. Don't ask me how I acquired this knowledge....

 

[Low Lander]

Re: Daily Chuckel

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that, in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a real bummer of a day when you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the next day.

The next day at 12:01am, the first person came to the gates of Heaven. The Angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, promptly said to the man, "Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your day was going when you died."

"No problem," the man said. "I came home to my 25th floor apartment on my lunch hour and caught my wife half naked. She appeared to be having an affair, but her lover was nowhere in sight. I immediately began searching for him. My wife was yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment.

Just as I was about to give up, I happened to glance out onto the balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips! The nerve of that guy! Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his fingers until he fell to the ground. But wouldn't you know it, he landed in some trees and bushes that broke his fall and he didn't die. This ticked me off even more. In a rage, I went back inside to get the first thing I could get my hands on to throw at him. Oddly enough, the first thing I thought of was the refrigerator. I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony, and tipped it over the side. It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him! The excitement of the moment was so great that I had a heart attack and died almost instantly."

The Angel sat back and thought a moment. Technically, the guy did have a bad day. It was a crime of passion. So, the Angel announced, "OK, sir. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and let him in.

A few seconds later the next guy came up. The Angel said, "Before I can let you in, I need to hear about what your day was like when you died." "No problem," said the second man. "But you're not going to believe this. I was on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises. I had been under a lot of pressure so I was really pushing hard to relieve my stress. I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and accidentally fell over the side! Luckily, I was able to catch myself by the fingertips on the balcony below mine. But all of a sudden this crazy man comes running out of his apartment, starts cussing, and stomps on my fingers. Well, of course I fell. I hit some trees and bushes at the bottom which broke my fall so I didn't die right away. As I'm laying there face up on the ground, unable to move, and in excruciating pain, I see this guy push his REFRIGERATOR, of all things, off the balcony. It falls the 25 floors and lands on top of me, killing me instantly."

The Angel is quietly laughing to himself as the man finishes his story. "I could get used to this new policy," he thinks to himself. "Very well," the Angel announces. "Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and he lets the man enter.

A few seconds later, a third man comes up to the gate. The angel says, "Please tell me how you died."

The third man says, "OK, picture this. I'm naked, hiding inside a refrigerator..."

Good one Skippy. Didn’t see that one coming.

 

[Low Lander]

View attachment 83367

Went camping one time. Lost the cork screw. Had to live on food and water for days.

 

[Magicman]

 

[Bmyers]

 

[Bmyers]

 

[Bmyers]

 

[Tughill Tom]

 

[Fordtech86]

 

[Magicman]

 

[Magicman]

 

[Daren Todd]

 

[DustyRusty]

Confucius did not say…

Man who wants pretty nurse must be patient.

Lady who goes camping with man must beware of evil intent.

Man who runs in front of car gets tired, but man who runs behind car gets exhausted.

War does not determine who is right; it determines who is left.

Man who fights with wife all day get no piece at night.

It takes many nails to build a crib, but only one screw to fill it.

Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.

Wise man does not keep sledge hammer and slow computer in same room.

Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.

 

[Magicman]

 

[Bmyers]

View attachment 84907

True friend

 

[Magicman]

 

[Fordtech86]