Daily Chuckle

[Daren Todd]

 

[Bmyers]

 

[Lil Foot]

 

[RCW]

 

[Daren Todd]

Since we seem to be on a theme. Here's ours

 

[Daren Todd]

 

[DustyRusty]

The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her eleven-year-old students. Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, "Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?"

"I'm in love." the boy replied.

Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, "With whom?"

"With you!" he said.

"But Johnny," she said gently, "don't you see how silly that is? It's true that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don't want a child."

"Oh, don't worry," the boy said reassuringly, "I'll use a condom!"

 

[bearbait]

* I have often wanted to drown my troubles but I can't get my wife to go swimming.
* My wife made me coffee this morning and winked at me when she handed me the cup. I've never been more scared of a drink in all of my life.
* Sex before marriage is considered a sin, and after marriage, a miracle.
* My wife just stopped me and said "You weren't even listening to me." I thought "That's a strange way to start a conversation."
* Behind every angry woman is a man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong.
* When I farted she left. Gone with the wind!
* As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible but brassing them off is a piece of cake.
*My wife told me that if stupid could fly, I'd be a jet.
* There is no such thing as a grouchy old person. The truth is , once you get old, you stop being polite and start being honest.
* The police just pulled me over and said "Papers." I said "Scissors, I win." And drove off. I think he wants a rematch. He's been chasing me for 45 minutes.
* My favourite part of the marathon is watching the runners reactions when they grab my plastic cup of vodka.
* I went to the house I grew up in and asked if I could go in and have a look around. They said "No." and slammed the door in my face. My parents can be so rude.
* She said she missed me. Normally that would be good but she is reloading.
* "I ran into my ex yesterday"
"What did she say?"
"I don't know. I just kept on driving."
* You can tell a lot about a woman by her hands. For instance, if they are around your throat she's probably very upset.
* You know how they throw the ball into the crowd after winning a tennis game? That's not allowed in bowling. I know that now.
* Seeing how some people wear their masks, I now understand how contraceptives fail.
* "Why isn't John at work today?"
"He's in hospital."
"But I'm sure I saw him dancing with a lovely girl last night."
"So did his wife."
* Notice on the side of a van 'We fix what your husband fixed.'
* I went to visit a psychic and knocked on her door. She yelled "Who is it?" So I left.
'Cracker' joke
Q. What do you call 100 little sheep rolling down a hill?

A. A lamb slide.

 

[RCW]

NOTE: Bearbait's Post above got buried in a window....Funny as heck. Had to re-post so it was easier to see...made me laugh....I needed that today.... Thanks, bear....

* I have often wanted to drown my troubles but I can't get my wife to go swimming.
* My wife made me coffee this morning and winked at me when she handed me the cup. I've never been more scared of a drink in all of my life.
* Sex before marriage is considered a sin, and after marriage, a miracle.
* My wife just stopped me and said "You weren't even listening to me." I thought "That's a strange way to start a conversation."
* Behind every angry woman is a man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong.
* When I farted she left. Gone with the wind!
* As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible but brassing them off is a piece of cake.
*My wife told me that if stupid could fly, I'd be a jet.
* There is no such thing as a grouchy old person. The truth is , once you get old, you stop being polite and start being honest.
* The police just pulled me over and said "Papers." I said "Scissors, I win." And drove off. I think he wants a rematch. He's been chasing me for 45 minutes.
* My favourite part of the marathon is watching the runners reactions when they grab my plastic cup of vodka.
* I went to the house I grew up in and asked if I could go in and have a look around. They said "No." and slammed the door in my face. My parents can be so rude.
* She said she missed me. Normally that would be good but she is reloading.
* "I ran into my ex yesterday"
"What did she say?"
"I don't know. I just kept on driving."
* You can tell a lot about a woman by her hands. For instance, if they are around your throat she's probably very upset.
* You know how they throw the ball into the crowd after winning a tennis game? That's not allowed in bowling. I know that now.
* Seeing how some people wear their masks, I now understand how contraceptives fail.
* "Why isn't John at work today?"
"He's in hospital."
"But I'm sure I saw him dancing with a lovely girl last night."
"So did his wife."
* Notice on the side of a van 'We fix what your husband fixed.'
* I went to visit a psychic and knocked on her door. She yelled "Who is it?" So I left.
'Cracker' joke
Q. What do you call 100 little sheep rolling down a hill?

A. A lamb slide.

 

[Daren Todd]

 

[Bmyers]

 

[Bmyers]

 

[Daren Todd]

 

[Daren Todd]

 

[Daren Todd]

 

[Daren Todd]

 

[Daren Todd]

 

[Bmyers]

 

[Newlyme]

You need to respect people who wear glasses. They paid good money to see you.

 

[Daren Todd]