Daily Chuckle

[Bmyers]

 

[Toyboy]

 

[Magicman]

 

[Magicman]

A young man had married several years earlier and he and his wife had only had one child. A co-worker with a large brood of children was always picking on him about his substandard manhood issues because of the lack of children. Finally the blowhard pushed him too far about his lack of additional children and pointing to the large number of kids at his home and the young man said "Yes, you and your wife have a whole house full of kids but its my wife's fault. She is a shy little freckle-faced country girl and won't have anything to do with anybody else but me."

 

[Daren Todd]

 

[skeets]

And dont forget
Low impedance shunt,,,, a short circuit

 

[Fordtech86]

 

[Fordtech86]

 

[Bmyers]

 

[Magicman]

 

[Fordtech86]

 

[Bmyers]

 

[Fordtech86]

Probably not a joke

 

[Fordtech86]

Caution in regards to all the people wanting to move here from New York and California as well other heavily populated cities across the country, as well as those wanting to visit.

Before you come to Florida to visit, you must be aware of what is happening here, especially around the St Johns River! There’s a housing shortage, rent has tripled, and folks are vacationing here in record numbers…

So if you plan on moving here, or just plan on vacationing in our woods, river bottoms, or lakes this summer, I think you should know that wolf spiders, fire ants and bedbugs have infested hotels and motels across the area due to dryer than usual weather. The woods will eat you alive with ticks and chiggers.

Our lakes are full of gators, fresh water sharks, and creepy old guys wearing speedos

Our rivers are full of drunks in tubes peeing themselves while the banjo players lay waiting in the bushes.

Panthers have eaten many domesticated animals and possibly some small children.

The local bear and coyote population are all ‘in heat’ and think your wife/girlfriend is hot.

Snakes… don’t even get me started on the copper headed rattle moccasins here and the diamond back water Cobras.

The poison ivy has overtaken all other vegetation

We have had bear sightings at every park and town! They are after your picnic baskets….and some cougars have been spotted in motel rooms.

Watch out for the trash pandas and possums; they have been extremely aggressive this season.

We have Bigfoot invading our parks and it’s their mating season. Porcupines are “stabbing” small children should they dare to utilize the local playground equipment.

Skunks have made their way over and multiplied at unprecedented rates and wander the local campgrounds in packs looking for beer.

Murder hornets!?! We’ve got great black clouds of murder hornets, and swarms of giant crickets and even some of tte biggest mosquitos known to man.

Scorpions have been congregating in massive quantities under rocks, logs, wooden steps, automobiles, and tarantulas are now stealing peoples food and biting like crazy.

I’m pretty sure all private tiger owners (we had a jump in them after Tiger King) have released their cats into the streets of our cities and towns.

Head lice now fly and we have vampire bats.

Driving is different here too! Right lane is for the speed limit if you must, middle is for people in a rush typically 70-85, and the left lane is for people running from the police, seriously trying to break the law or driving a minimum of 90 MPH. Mustang owners, just do the best you can, it’s ok.

Oh and no one is vaccinated!

Come at your own risk!

I hear North Dakota and Iowa are really nice though…

 

[Daren Todd]

Caution in regards to all the people wanting to move here from New York and California as well other heavily populated cities across the country, as well as those wanting to visit.

Before you come to Florida to visit, you must be aware of what is happening here, especially around the St Johns River! There’s a housing shortage, rent has tripled, and folks are vacationing here in record numbers…

So if you plan on moving here, or just plan on vacationing in our woods, river bottoms, or lakes this summer, I think you should know that wolf spiders, fire ants and bedbugs have infested hotels and motels across the area due to dryer than usual weather. The woods will eat you alive with ticks and chiggers.

Our lakes are full of gators, fresh water sharks, and creepy old guys wearing speedos

Our rivers are full of drunks in tubes peeing themselves while the banjo players lay waiting in the bushes.

Panthers have eaten many domesticated animals and possibly some small children.

The local bear and coyote population are all ‘in heat’ and think your wife/girlfriend is hot.

Snakes… don’t even get me started on the copper headed rattle moccasins here and the diamond back water Cobras.

The poison ivy has overtaken all other vegetation

We have had bear sightings at every park and town! They are after your picnic baskets….and some cougars have been spotted in motel rooms.

Watch out for the trash pandas and possums; they have been extremely aggressive this season.

We have Bigfoot invading our parks and it’s their mating season. Porcupines are “stabbing” small children should they dare to utilize the local playground equipment.

Skunks have made their way over and multiplied at unprecedented rates and wander the local campgrounds in packs looking for beer.

Murder hornets!?! We’ve got great black clouds of murder hornets, and swarms of giant crickets and even some of tte biggest mosquitos known to man.

Scorpions have been congregating in massive quantities under rocks, logs, wooden steps, automobiles, and tarantulas are now stealing peoples food and biting like crazy.

I’m pretty sure all private tiger owners (we had a jump in them after Tiger King) have released their cats into the streets of our cities and towns.

Head lice now fly and we have vampire bats.

Driving is different here too! Right lane is for the speed limit if you must, middle is for people in a rush typically 70-85, and the left lane is for people running from the police, seriously trying to break the law or driving a minimum of 90 MPH. Mustang owners, just do the best you can, it’s ok.

Oh and no one is vaccinated!

Come at your own risk!

I hear North Dakota and Iowa are really nice though…

So in other words........ business as usual

 

[Outnumbered]

View attachment 76912

Reminds me of a time back in the 90's when I had to get to the heater core in my S10 pickup.... I swore if it ever happened again I would pay someone to replace it. Fortunately, that day never came.

 

[David Page]

Caution in regards to all the people wanting to move here from New York and California as well other heavily populated cities across the country, as well as those wanting to visit.

Before you come to Florida to visit, you must be aware of what is happening here, especially around the St Johns River! There’s a housing shortage, rent has tripled, and folks are vacationing here in record numbers…

So if you plan on moving here, or just plan on vacationing in our woods, river bottoms, or lakes this summer, I think you should know that wolf spiders, fire ants and bedbugs have infested hotels and motels across the area due to dryer than usual weather. The woods will eat you alive with ticks and chiggers.

Our lakes are full of gators, fresh water sharks, and creepy old guys wearing speedos

Our rivers are full of drunks in tubes peeing themselves while the banjo players lay waiting in the bushes.

Panthers have eaten many domesticated animals and possibly some small children.

The local bear and coyote population are all ‘in heat’ and think your wife/girlfriend is hot.

Snakes… don’t even get me started on the copper headed rattle moccasins here and the diamond back water Cobras.

The poison ivy has overtaken all other vegetation

We have had bear sightings at every park and town! They are after your picnic baskets….and some cougars have been spotted in motel rooms.

Watch out for the trash pandas and possums; they have been extremely aggressive this season.

We have Bigfoot invading our parks and it’s their mating season. Porcupines are “stabbing” small children should they dare to utilize the local playground equipment.

Skunks have made their way over and multiplied at unprecedented rates and wander the local campgrounds in packs looking for beer.

Murder hornets!?! We’ve got great black clouds of murder hornets, and swarms of giant crickets and even some of tte biggest mosquitos known to man.

Scorpions have been congregating in massive quantities under rocks, logs, wooden steps, automobiles, and tarantulas are now stealing peoples food and biting like crazy.

I’m pretty sure all private tiger owners (we had a jump in them after Tiger King) have released their cats into the streets of our cities and towns.

Head lice now fly and we have vampire bats.

Driving is different here too! Right lane is for the speed limit if you must, middle is for people in a rush typically 70-85, and the left lane is for people running from the police, seriously trying to break the law or driving a minimum of 90 MPH. Mustang owners, just do the best you can, it’s ok.

Oh and no one is vaccinated!

Come at your own risk!

I hear North Dakota and Iowa are really nice though…

Wow its surprising how much the most southeastern and northeastern states have in common. Although here in Maine we also have cold and 10 feet of snow. Wouldn't have been quite so bad if the Moose hadn't become meat eaters. But your welcome to come. Check with the Land Office they are open the 2nd Tuesday of each week.

 

[DustyRusty]

It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started.

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director what the criterion was that defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No," said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a room with or without a view?"

 

[mikester]

It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started.

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director what the criterion was that defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No," said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a room with or without a view?"

The politician would form a committee to study the issue after paying a consultant $10 million to write a report about it, then after 3 years of debate, budget $2 billion to buy a spoon, then spend $3 billion on contractors and only do half the job because the contractors they hired couldn't get the water to the other side of the tub.

 

[Daren Todd]