Daily Chuckle

[Daren Todd]

 

[Daren Todd]

 

[Magicman]

He didn't read the sign:

 

[Daren Todd]

 

[Magicman]

An American had been touring Spain for several weeks and checked into a nice hotel in Madrid. He asked Jose, the concierge "Where can I go get a unique, authentic Spanish meal I won't find anywhere else?" Jose replied "Senor, go to the restaurant on the corner and ask for Miguel. He is the head waiter and he is my brother and he will treat you well." The tourist did as instructed and Miguel seated him and when he heard the request he said "Oh Senor you are so lucky. I will bring you a plate of Cajone de Toro". The tourist asked what that was and Miguel said "To honor our tradition of bull fighting and our brave bulls our chef takes the testicles of the fallen bull, slices it thin and fries it lightly in garlic and olive oil. See that is a plate of it at the next table the patron is eating. Look how he is enjoying it." The tourist says "What the heck, you only live once, bring me a plate." A couple of minutes later Miguel comes back and apologizes and says "I am sorry we are out of Cajone de Toro but we have a big bullfight scheduled for tomorrow and I will save you some tomorrow" so the tourist agrees and has a nice paella instead. The next night he returns and Miguel sees and immediately seats him and advises he will bring his order right out which he does. The tourist eats his meal and calls Miguel over and says "You are right and that tasted wonderful but I noticed last night the guy next to me had a much larger portions than I had tonight. Miguel replied "Oh Senor, remember - The Bull, he does not always lose."

 

[Orangeglow]

After a long day on the golf course, I stopped in at Hooter's to see some friends and have some hot Wings and ice tea.

After being there for a while, one of my friends asked me which waitress I would like to be stuck in an elevator with.

I told them "The one who knows how to fix elevators".

I'm old, I'm tired, and I pee a lot.

 

[Bmyers]

 

[Bmyers]

 

[Bmyers]

 

[Bmyers]

 

[Magicman]

A mother and son were walking through a cemetery, and passed by a headstone inscribed "Here lies a good lawyer and an honest man."
The little boy read the headstone, looked up at his mother, and asked "Mommy, why did they bury two men there?"

 

[Magicman]

Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation,
get drunk, and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed
in the morning, though none of them can remember! what they did the night
before.

The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked
if she has any last words. She says, "I just graduated from Trinity Bible
College and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the
behalf of the innocent."

They throw the switch and nothing happens. They all immediately fall to
the floor on their knees, beg for forgiveness,and release her.

The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words. "I
just graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I believe in the power
of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent."

They throw the switch and again, nothing happens. Again they all
immediately fall to their knees, beg for forgiveness and
release her.

The last one (you knew it), a blonde, is strapped in and says, "Well, I'm
from the University of Kentucky and just graduated with a degree in
Electrical Engineering, and I'll tell ya right now, ya'll ain't gonna
electrocute nobody if you don't plug this thing in.

 

[Magicman]

My wife was going through her wardrobe. She said, “Look at this. It still fits me after 25 years!” I said, “It’s a scarf!”

 

[Old_Paint]

My wife was going through her wardrobe. She said, “Look at this. It still fits me after 25 years!” I said, “It’s a scarf!”

And that's when the fight started ....

 

[Bmyers]

 

[chim]

Last night Wifey was reading a posting somewhere and said the person referred to a certain politician as a POS. She is a sweet thing and apparently has been exposed to the big bad world even less than I realized.

I explained it to her and she said "Wow, glad you told me". Then I went on to say it would be best for her to avoid any acronyms she didn't understand, particularly if it contained an F.

 

[Daren Todd]

Little lady in nursing home, speeding down the hall in her wheel chair. Man steps out, holds up his hand, and says: "Stop! You're speeding! That will be a $20 fine. She stops, fumbles through her purse, finds a gum wrapper and gives it to him. He says, "Ok, you're free to go". She speeds on down the hall, another man steps out, and says "Stop! You're Speeding! That will be a $20 fine". She stops, fumbles through her purse, comes up with another gum wrapper, gives it to him, and speeds off. She rounds the corner, and a naked man steps out and says "Stop!". She says, "Oh, no. Not that breatholizer again!"

 

[Orangeglow]

Yesterday my daughter emailed me, again, asking why I didn't do something useful with my time. "Like sitting around the pool, drinking wine isn't a good thing?” I asked.

Talking about my "doing something useful" seems to be her favorite topic of conversation.

She is "only thinking of me," she said, and suggested, I go down to the Senior Center and hang out with the fellas. So, I did and when I got home, decided to play a prank on her.

I sent her an email saying that I had joined the Senior Parachute Club. She replied, "Are you nuts? You're 86-years-old and now you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?" I told her that I even had a Membership Card and e-mailed a copy to her.

Immediately, she telephoned me and yelled, "Good grief, Dad, where are your glasses?! This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club."

"Oh man, am I in trouble," I said, "I signed up and prepaid for five jumps a week!"

The line went dead.

Life as a Senior Citizen isn't getting any easier, but sometimes it can be fun!

 

[orange crusher]

What getting old is really about..............


49b84e09-5a3c-409d-86f7-0926cb48e0091.mp4

 

[Bmyers]