Daily Chuckle

[Bmyers]

 

[Daren Todd]

Ima steal that harmonica idea!

Me too, I about choked when I came across that picture It's bloody evil

 

[Daren Todd]

Once, the lady at our parts counter thought she was special, and parked her brand new $65K suburban in the customer lot by the entrance. I slid under there and put a 15 inch zip tie on the driveshaft. Luckily for her, there was a still a wrench around when she went to leave for the day, and he found it. She was on the phone with her insurance arranging a tow! She found out it was me, and over 15 years later, she still brings it up now an then.

I did that to a coworker once. Guy panicked and pulled into a little mom and pop mechanics shop. Mechanic put it on the lift and almost fell over he was laughing so hard. He then proceeded to gather everyone up who was in the waiting room and offices. Didn't matter whether it was an employee or customer. Everybody had to come see what the issue was.

 

[dlsmith]

Sister Sarah lived at the convent and liked to keep fit, and she preferred
to exercise in her room, in the nude. So one afternoon she was working
out and there was a knock on the door.
"Who's is it?" she asked.
"Blind man" was the answer.
She figured a blind man wouldn't know she was naked, so she said "come in."
A hansom young man walks in carrying a big long box, and by the look on his
face he ca see perfectly that she is naked.
After an awkward pause, he says, "Looking good there Sister Sarah,
so which window to you want these blinds installed on?"

 

[Orangeglow]

I used to have a Labrador retriever & I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart, waiting in the check-out line. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time. But, I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry, as the food is nutritionally complete. So, I was going to try it again. I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, especially a tall heavy man behind her.
Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned.

I told her no; I'd been sitting in the street licking my ba$$s and a car hit me.
The tall guy nearly had to stagger out of the store, oxygen-depleted from laughter.
I paid for the food and left a lot of smiles behind me.

 

[Daren Todd]

 

[Daren Todd]

 

[Bmyers]

 

[Bmyers]

 

[Daren Todd]

 

[PHPaul]

 

[6feettogo]

For those who use Chrome and the picture is only a small thumbnail, you can put your mouse over the image, right click the mouse and then pick open up in new tab. This will open up a new tab with the picture showing.

 

[Bmyers]

 

[D2Cat]

Nope, those are marshmallows!

 

[Magicman]

Realistic resolutions

Are you sick of making the same New Year's resolutions year after year and never keeping them? Here are some you can actually keep:

1. Gain weight.
2. Read less.
3. Stop exercising.
4. Watch more TV.
5. Procrastinate more.

 

[Bmyers]

 

[Bmyers]

 

[Daren Todd]

 

[Daren Todd]

 

[Magicman]

Animal Truisms

*A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves
himself.

*An aquarium is just interactive television for cats.

*Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it for ever. Buy a cat a present
and it will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes.

*Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it
look like the dog did it.

*Although cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a
good many ailments, I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.

*Dogs and cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will
wake up.
Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.

*Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.

*Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God.

*Dogs may shed, but cats shred.

*Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are
wonderful

*I had to get rid of my wife. The cat was allergic.

*I hope to be the kind of person my dog thinks I am.

*I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious
cult?