crazy things kids say, or do

[Hue]

A place to showcase the funny things kids say, and do.


"What's Jesus doing out of the truck?"
- I have a bobble head buddy Christ, you know the one giving the thumbs up and pointing at you. He usually lives in the truck but I had put him in the garage.

"Hey dad, your woody is peeing!"
- We taught our kids that the brown frozen slurry that comes off of mud flaps in the winter is called car poop. So naturally, if the car is dripping water....it must be peeing. Also important to the story, my trucks name is woody.

My sister in law is an elementary school teacher. They were going through common sounds in words. They got to 'ORN'. Corn, torn, worn, born, you get the idea. Well one little guy speaks up and says 'porn'. My SIL is brave, she asks him what he means. "well you know when it's pourin rain"

My daughter, aged 7, comes home in tears with a stack of birthday cards from her gymnastics camp. Her birthday wasn't for another 7 months, she lied to everyone. She felt so guilty she fessed up to her teacher before she even left camp that day. Couldn't punish her cause I was laughing too hard, and she felt bad enough anyway.

 

[D2Cat]

When I was 10 my brother and two sisters went overseas with my mother and step-dad. We were flying from Minneapolis to San Francisco, Honolulu, to Okinawa.

Someone asked my younger brother where he was going. He said, "To Hallelujah"! I guess Honolulu was too difficult to pronounce. I still tease him about it.

 

[North Idaho Wolfman]

One of my girls didn't want to stay in the truck while I looked at a job, so in protest she ate the seat belt, I should note this is her 13th seat belt, and yea she's a wolf.

But hey they are our kids.

 

[skeets]

One time the Ol and my oldest 3 at the time and I were headed to grandmas house, and the highway had so many pot holes we called it the Ho Chi Min trail. Anyway as were were heading down the hill in my Jeep truck I dodged 2 pot holes and hit the third, big time!
This was before all the child restraint seat but her car carrier was strapped in the seat,
Im not sure what I said,, but she put her hands on the side of the seat looked over the dash and said,,,, WHAT THE F&$( was that.. need less to say it was a very quiet ride the rest of the way

 

[RCW]

My son, now 20, was about 3 and fascinated with the load of mulch I had in the pickup.

We stopped at the family hardware store in town. He kinda had run of the place...

I was down an aisle looking for nuts/bolts and I hear him exclaim at the front register “MY DAD HAS SOMETHING IN HIS BED!” [emoji15]

I hear a guy’s voice ask “What?!?”, and my son repeats it!! [emoji15] I then hear giggling, another voice say “there’s just some things you shouldn’t know...”[emoji15]

I hear all this and think “just say PICKUP OR TRUCK”!!! [emoji30]

But then thought nah...these folks need something to talk about![emoji12]

Never did set the record straight, and heard some chuckles while I paid my tab...[emoji12]


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[Lil Foot]

When I was a kid, we met my uncle's family at a restaurant for a big holiday dinner- about 18 of us, if I remember. After a great meal, we headed home. About 20 miles from the restaurant, my youngest brother tapped my Dad on the shoulder, handed him about $20, and said "Dad, you forgot this money on the table."

 

[Fordtech86]

My kids (3 & 5) dont miss anything! We were at a restaurant a few weeks ago and at the table next to us there was a guy sitting there with the plumber thing going on, if you know what I mean. Well my boy (who isnt quiet either) blurts out, daddy why is his booty hanging out! Then my little girl who is even louder yells I want to see! Then they both start yelling I see his booty!

 

[Daren Todd]

We were hanging out on the back deck with my youngest grandkid who was 2ish at the time. He ran over and started messing with the knobs on the gas grill.

I showed him the fist and said in my deepest most menacing voice "BOY.... don't make me have to get you!!!!!"

That little turd never missed a beat. He looked up at me and said "Don't make me take off my flip flop and whoop you!!!!!!"

Wife left the porch heading inside covering her mouth so he didn't see her laughing.

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[man00]

When my son was 3 or so we were walking through the local mall. He said dad I have to pee, I said okay in a minute..We kept walking he ask has it been a minute yet, I answer yes..Not paying enough attention to him he dropped his pants and started peeing in the middle of the mall.

 

[ipz2222]

When my nephew was about 4, we were talking about Santa Claus. I asked him "how old do you think Santa Claus is?" He replied, " he's really, really really old, probably 35. " I was 34 at the time.

 

[motionclone]

When my son was 7 we broke the news to him about the tooth fairy. Told him his mother was actually the tooth fairy and she was the one taking his teeth and leaving money.

He was puzzled then finally said "How does she have enough money to give to all the kids in the world"

 

[Fro65]

When my daughter was six, she was playing Boggle with my Mom. After the timer went off, Mom was looking at the list of words my daughter had come up with. The daughter had written "pist" as one of her words. When mom asked what "pist" was, my daughter replied " I don't know but it's what Uncle Mark says he is all the time".

I had never seen my mother laugh so hard.

 

[Howling]

My wife was a girl scout leader. My daughter asked another leader what word starts with F and ends UCK. After a stunned pause my daughter said firetruck.

My eldest son as teen "I have wisdom beyond my own belief"

Many year ago at a cookout my younger brother and friends (4-6) gathered the 'dud' firecrackers and tossed then in the grill. Got the attention of the adults.

 

[Hue]

Just heard this the other day. A man and his young son pull up to a deer registration station hauling a deer on a trailer. The Father goes inside to fill out the paperwork. A couple of conservation officers approach the Son, still outside, and congratulate him on the fine looking deer. He says "You think that one's nice, you should see the one in the trunk".

 

[Daren Todd]

So, I was going through Sam's club one evening after work. Happened to be going through the section in the pharmacy area. Saw a gal with a small boy about 4 or 5 riding in the cart over in the lotion/ soap area.

Gal was doing the same thing that about 90 percent of women do. She was popping the tops on the different lotion bottles to check the fragrance, and if it was something she liked, she would dab a tiny bit on her finger to see what it felt like.

Her boy happened to make eye contact with me. He perked right up, pointed at his momma and started saying in a loud voice (just under hollering) "She's stealing!!!!!!".

At that point there are about 15 or so people looking over at this young lady. Well, that poor mommas face turned fire engine red from embarrassment, and started stuttering so bad trying to defend herself.

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[sawmill]

A while back we stopped by our granddaughters house. She was out in the yard with her kids (girl 6 & boy had just turned 3). The boy walks up and says my butt is where I poop. Then says I pee out my pee pee. He stood there about 3 or 4 seconds like he was thinking then says my Daddy has a really big pee pee.
I lost it!!!


My granddaughter was going someplace with the kids and they started sniffing the air real loud. The 6 year old girl says whats that smell? My granddaughter says thats fertilizer they put on the field. Her little girl says hmmm, kinda smells like dog sh#t.

I asked my granddaughter, I wonder where they hear this stuff?

 

[RCW]

Her little girl says hmmm, kinda smells like dog sh#t.

My kids spent a weekend with my parents when my son was 4, and his twin sisters 10....

I was washing dishes after dinner next day. My son was playing with a toy tractor his grandfather gave him over the weekend.

I hear my son say "look at that fuc&ing tractor...that's nice a nice fu@king tractor..."

My son never heard those words from me.

I called my father shortly after that.....

 

[Fordtech86]

Not really crazy but both my kids love to do everything mommy and daddy do. They for the most part are very good, hard workers for their ages.

This past weekend cleaning up leaves in the yard.

My son was so thankful when I bought that little blower (I bought it because its actually a shredder vac but also converts to a hand blower he can manage). Everytime he gets to use it he thanks me over and over for getting it for him lol.

He was even more excited to hook the yard sweeper up to his go cart! He takes his jobs very seriously too!




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[Newlyme]

The Mrs and I were at a local Pizza joint enjoying dinner a while back and there was a young family in the booth next to us. The people at the table across from both of us had finished dinner and left leaving a half of a large pizza untouched on the table. A couple of minutes later the family gets up to leave. Dad goes to the counter to pay the bill, mom starts getting the littlest one ready, focusing on the job at hand. Their little boy, (4 or 5), proceeds to quietly sit down at the table across from theirs and starts eating the pizza that was left behind. It was all we could do to quietly mind our own business.

 

[Daren Todd]

My son, now 20, was about 3 and fascinated with the load of mulch I had in the pickup.

We stopped at the family hardware store in town. He kinda had run of the place...

I was down an aisle looking for nuts/bolts and I hear him exclaim at the front register “MY DAD HAS SOMETHING IN HIS BED!” [emoji15]

I hear a guy’s voice ask “What?!?”, and my son repeats it!! [emoji15] I then hear giggling, another voice say “there’s just some things you shouldn’t know...”[emoji15]

I hear all this and think “just say PICKUP OR TRUCK”!!! [emoji30]

But then thought nah...these folks need something to talk about![emoji12]

Never did set the record straight, and heard some chuckles while I paid my tab...[emoji12]


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Our neighbors son ratted his dad out to my wife.

We had just got the new car and the neighbors hadn't realized yet. My wife was waiting at the end of the street for a car to go by so she could pull out.

They were behind her. The dad got impatient and said "Just go ALREADY!!!!" Or something along those lines.

Wife pulled up in her car after work to say hi and the first thing out of the kids mouth was "My daddy was cussing you this morning!!!!" Of course the dad turned beat red and started stuttering trying to explain what actually happened

I was in Sam's club. Noticed this mom with her son in the cart. Mom was opening the lotions checking the feel and fragrance before buying. The same thing we've all seen women do every day in a store.

As soon as the kid made eye contact with me, he pointed at his mom and said "SHE'S STEALLING!!!!!!" At the top of his lungs.

At this point everybody near by is looking at the mom. Mom's looking like she wished she had a hole to crawl in and hide. Beat red and stammering trying to defend herself And get that kid to shut up.

I mentioned the incident later when I saw my wife. Wife said "yup..... that little boy would have had a warm booty once we got out of the store!!!"