A short story about what happens when you're drinking on Black Friday.............One man, his Kubota, and a lever

[Runs With Scissors]

Long story short: My daughter and SIL moved back to the state, and did not have room for their safe originally. So I stored/used it at the cottage. Well now they need it back......The saga begins.

I have been looking for a replacement for some time and the choices are mind boggling, so on my way up north, I pass a few places that sell safes and I decide to stop in and take a look, and put "hands on" a few.

I like a few of them from various manufacturers, but Liberty safes have a "new'ish" locking bolt system that really piqued my interest. Now for those of you that know anything about safes, a Fort Knox is probably at the top of the list in regards to "consumer metal boxes" that we call safes.

Well I can't/won't part with 5-10 K (or more) to store a few hunting and plinking guns, so the various consumer players are all in play...(Cannons, Winchesters, Libertys....etc)

I stop at "Able safes" and talk with the owner. (I have no affiliation with them). Well he was a great guy and showed me a couple of safes that I could afford and I learned a lot from him. He gave me a price of $2300 for one of the Libertys. I said ok, well I gotta meet with the "finance committee chair woman" and get back with you.

 

[Runs With Scissors]

Well that meeting did not go well.

I tried every dasterdly trick in the book.....I spun my story "15 ways to Sunday", and pulled out every lowlife "flat out lie" and every "End of days/ What if" scenario I have in my vast play book of dirty tricks.

Karine Jean-Pierre would have been proud of my "spin". Hell, I actually started believing some of it....LOL

Nothing worked......not even a whimper of hope, or a fleeting "maybe".

I decide to drown my sorrows with a few "rums and seltzers" and a big ole cigar.

Then it happens.............................

I open that damn computer and decide to see if there are any "can't pass it up deals".

Well my Google-Fu was strong.....

Good ole Tractor supply has what "appears" to be the exact same Liberty that I was looking at for 1200 bones.

Staring through my "rum googles" I read all the fine print and it appears to be identical to the one I looked at earlier.

So I reason that "If it is a cheap copy, I will just cancel the order."

Out comes the Visa, and a few key strokes later I am rehearsing my "cover story"......hahahaha

 

[Fordtech86]

Shoulda taken the grandson with ya

 

[Runs With Scissors]

The next morning I am the first guy in the store and head straight for the safe section to see how thick the "rum goggles" actually were.

Upon inspection of the floor model, it is mechanically identical to the one at Ables, just a different sticker package.

SCORE!!!!!!!!!!

10 minutes later and my trailer is towing the 700 lbs beast home....

Now how the hell am I going to get it inside?

By myself????

Yep........ challenge accepted!

 

[bird dogger]

Now how the hell am I going to get it inside?

Give your wife a "Day at the local Spa" treatment. Then invite all your buddies over for a little help and some beer & brats!! That should about do it......maybe.

 

[Runs With Scissors]

This is where having a tractor with forks really shines.

The guy who built the deck to our place at the main entrance, should have been "keel hauled" so I have zero confidence in the the decks ability to hold 1,000 pounds.

I decide to use the "front door" where my grandson already ripped out the deck with the backhoe.

General Lee to the rescue.



Then I line her up sideways and put 2 2x4's so that I can "get under" it and carefully pick it up 2 inchs and throw a strap around it to "secure it " although I doubt it was as "secure" as I had hoped.



This is where I really like the longer forks. It gives me piece of mind having that little extra stick out.

 

[D2Cat]

The same method you get the one out of the cottage!

 

[Runs With Scissors]

Give your wife a "Day at the local Spa" treatment. Then invite all your buddies over for a little help and some beer & brats!! That should about do it......maybe.

My 73 year old neighbor volunteered to help, but I politely declined, and I have no friends less than 200 miles away.

I think it was Archimedes that said "Give me a lever and I can move the world"

Well I am going to test that.....

 

[Runs With Scissors]

So I "repurpose" my bucket dolly and very, very, very carefully put Big Bertha through the door and onto the dolly.

The forks were hitting the dolly making it difficult to actually place it on the dolly without smashing the door frame, but with some "finagling" and sections of 2x4 as levers and spacers I finally got it on.

Those 6 inch casters make it roll beautifully; but the down side is that the dolly height and spacers make it 'uncomfortably tall"

So I decide to sacrifice 2 2x4's and use a bottle jack to place some blocks of wood underneath.

The plan is to jack up each side and remove one block at a time.

Getting that damn dolly out was quite the trick.

I don't have the "grammatical skill set" to even begin to explain the cluster^^^^ that ensued, but I did get it out





Then one by one, I remove a block.

Until I get to this point.

F%$%%^^&&&**(*((

I totally forgot that the bottle jack does not go to "0 inchs" tall..... What a Dumbass !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now what?????

 

[Pawnee]

I have no idea now what.
But I know you will figger it out and it will be super fun to watch!

Be careful

 

[Trimley]

Doing things by yourself for $200, Alex.

Sometimes, no matter how creative you've managed to get things done, you eventually fumble.

 

[Trimley]

About your only option is to get it to one board from it's lowest point, then add an escape ramp at that layer, then slide it to the side.

That bad, the whole works may fall when you slide it.

You don't have any useful options without the safe coming off the blocks.

 

[Bmyers]

Sounds like you need to consult an expert. I use to know a safe moving/handling expert when I was kid.

 

[Runs With Scissors]

Well the "height to pucker factor graph" must be a 4th degree polynomial equation because with every block I took off, it was like lifting the weight of the world off my shoulders.

There were 2 "Oh sh!t" moments in the beginning, but now I'm much less worried..... but still not "home free" yet.

Now I kind of took a moment to analyze the situation.

One thing I immediately realize, after the fact of course, is that it would have been much more stable to 'block all four corners" instead of the long center blocks.

This would have made getting the dolly out "a breeze" compared to what I did, so I decide to cut the pieces I have into 3x3'ish blocks and block up each corner.

Very stable now.

 

[Runs With Scissors]

From here on out it was a simple "just use a 2x4 to pry up with one corner and remove a block" situation.

Getting it off the shipping stand was fairly easy as well.

Here she is in her final resting spot.

After this I was cleaning up a little and wouldn't you know it.....I totally forgot that the "giant rug" we use in that room should have been put down BEFORE I bolted it to the floor....DAMN IT!!!!

Oh well, I'll either cut it to fit around the safe or un-bolt the safe and stuff it under there.

And here I thought it was going to be a "quiet weekend"....

 

[johnjk]

Another rum and cigar to think about it maybe?

 

[Runs With Scissors]

I was very impressed with the lighting system that came with it as well.

It is some sort of "motion detector" that automagically turns on when you open it. I just wish it was adjustable so I could make it stay on longer.

Up next is changing out that electronic lock for a mechanical one; Call me "crazy", but I have this "electronic lock" phobia.

The S@G mechanical one is on it's way as we speak.

 

[GrumpyFarmer]

Awesome lights…Looks aweful empty in there.

 

[bird dogger]

I was very impressed with the lighting system that came with it as well.

It is some sort of "motion detector" that automagically turns on when you open it. I just wish it was adjustable so I could make it stay on longer.

Up next is changing out that electronic lock for a mechanical one; Call me "crazy", but I have this "electronic lock" phobia.

The S@G mechanical one is on it's way as we speak.

Which model & type S&G lock did you pick up? and Group 1 or Group 2 S&G makes some nice locks to work on and maintain.

Did it come with a "Change Key" so you can set your custom combination? It's an easy task with the change key.

David

edit: nice job on the precarious install!!

 

[GrizBota]

Nice work! What always enjoy your stories. You are a good author.

That mid point support did look a bit concerning. But you got it, albeit sans carpet (dang it!).

You’re a brave man. I had two buddies help me get mine in the house and upstairs, and it's a small one compared to yours.

I have to laugh at the optimism the manufacturer has as to how many “long guns” can reasonably fit in a given space. I think they are optimistic by a factor of two or more, unless they mean Red Rider BB guns.

Good luck with the finance committee. Can you say it just fell off a truck on the trailer and you had to deal with it?. TSC to the rescue on the pricing. Too bad the independent fellow has to sell for so much, presumably to cover overhead.